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MIL is kicking us out.

post #1 of 195
Thread Starter 

The soup hit the fan today when my DH told MIL that we were NOT going to pay her rent.  I wasn't present for any of this, I had to get the kids away, but I listened discreetly via the heating vent (which was pointless because DH told me everything when he got back downstairs).  MIL was telling DH that it's between her and him (he numerous times told her that he needed first to discuss whatever with me).  

 

Anyways, the reason for us not paying the rent is because MIL has made promise after promise to fix our lead and mold ridden appt.  She has done *nothing* to help.  We were set to have a City inspector to come yesterday (turned out to be an educator, so I just did surveys).  The night before MIL was blaming me up and down and told me that had I not mentioned anything to the previous inspector (they came in December) about where the lead was coming from, we wouldn't be having these issues.  DH and I had to stay up very late the other night cleaning out all of the tools and old doors and bags of concrete and construction materials from the laundry room, boiler room, and under the (enclosed) back stairs.  The lead inspectors wanted all that stuff gone.  It was supposed to be done much earlier and the in-laws (who own the house and the stuff) were supposed to do it.  FIL helped minimally, mostly concerned about filling in a patch of concrete because it looked "ugly".  We then had to dust, etc.  and the in laws gave us zero help.  I know we should've been gone earlier, but we were up to our eyeballs in debt which is finally almost paid down and we're moving asap. 

 

MIL has given us a date of "May 1st".  She told us that only $200 of the $500 we were supposed to pay is rent.  Bull.  She told us in the beginning that the $500 was to be rent and everything else was free.  She insisted on paying for cell phone contracts for us (we're added to her contract and we don't pay her anything, we only bought our phones) and also insisted on giving us a cable box and internet.  All things we could do without.  She insisted (her way of tying her baby birdie down to the nest) on doing this.  

 

Also during their argument, she told him that I had shoddy parenting skills (she used a different term...) because I don't always wash my kids hands (I do) and I don't mop daily (I mop weekly, she mops once a season maybe) and that I don't bathe my kids daily (I bathe them twice per week, but I wash what's dirty when it's dirty and they're always in clean clothes with teeth brushed and faces/hands/feet clean.  My kids have sensory issues with water as well so actual baths are very difficult).  She used this as a reason as to why my 14 month old had lead poisoning (blood level of 8... and this is why the City is involved).

 

After the argument, she left the house and took the truck my DH uses (in her name but he pays the insurance and sticker fees and everything else) and also took the keys to her truck.  FIL took DHs car this morning and agreed to let my DH use the one truck.  She left us with no vehicle to use, essentially. 

 

Anyways, I really needed to vent.  I'm starting to pack stuff that I can't see us really "using" in the next month away (books, etc).  I'm just so frustrated! Grr! 

 

We do help MIL a lot financially.  We fill her truck up with gas frequently, and often get her some groceries when we go.  

 

MIL complains about how broke she is but she's in college (because her cousins were in college and it's the "thing" to do) and could be working instead (got laid off in 09 for refusing to take a promotion.. very sketchy company).  Her husband just got a job that pays just over minimum wage because he refuses to work in any profession where he has to talk to people or interact with anyone or write anything.  It just really angers me.. I understand she's broke.  I'm broke too.  And my kids are sick because we live with a ton of mold and lead.  We need to go.  I'm sorry, but I can't let my kids get sick because you want me to feel sorry for you.  There's stuff she can do to get help... we're not her only source of income.. maybe if she'd stop letting her 16yo daughter get a new pair of air jordans and an entire wardrobe and money for drugs/alcohol every month, she'd be able to make her mortgage on time.....

 

I need to get out.   

post #2 of 195

hug.gif  I remember some of your previous threads and, tough as it is, sounds like it might be a blessing in disguise since getting out is most likely the best thing for your family.

post #3 of 195

Hopefully you will be in a better situation once this is all done. I'm sorry, it totally sucks to have to move in a rush. Try to pack at least a few boxes every day. Also, liquor store boxes are excellent for moving. Try to pick up boxes every time you are out running errands or whatever. I usually call the stores ahead of time to make sure that they have boxes available.

 

Good luck!!

post #4 of 195
Quote:
Originally Posted by KristyDi View Post

hug.gif  I remember some of your previous threads and, tough as it is, sounds like it might be a blessing in disguise since getting out is most likely the best thing for your family.



A BIG  yeahthat.gif

post #5 of 195
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by KristyDi View Post

hug.gif  I remember some of your previous threads and, tough as it is, sounds like it might be a blessing in disguise since getting out is most likely the best thing for your family.



I agree!  It's just highly annoying.. MIL's general attitude towards everything.  The lying. Conniving.  Everything. I'm glad we'll be done soon.  And YAY because I'll be able to qualify for WIC and food stamps until we get on our feet.

post #6 of 195

Assuming she means business, I'd say that this is the best thing that can happen to your right now. Leave before she changes her mind. hug2.gif

post #7 of 195
Well, hopefully your tax return is enough to get you into your own apartment by then. It would be better for your kids anyway as you can find one that is definitely lead free.
post #8 of 195
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by midnightwriter View Post

Assuming she means business, I'd say that this is the best thing that can happen to your right now. Leave before she changes her mind. hug2.gif



According to DH, she said it to get a rise out of him.  But he said okay, and her jaw kind of hit the floor (as in "what?  my baby wants to leave me?").  Either way we're leaving.  Hopefully before May 1st!

 

The entire tax return went to bills, but he gets paid five more times before May 1st, so we'll be able to gather up a first month's rent by then.  I've been looking for a job but will put that on hold until we figure out exactly WHERE we're going, since I don't want to have too far of a commute.
 

post #9 of 195

Well I say good for her. thumb.gif

 

The whole situation had become so toxic that I am glad one party had the you-know-whats to finally get it all to end. Does your MIL suck? Well it sounds like it from your side of the fence.  Have you helped the situation?  Not from what you have posted. Just recently you wanted her to give you her truck *for free* while at the same time you were planning on skipping out on a good portion of the rent. You have been secretly planning on moving out so she just beat you to the punch.

 

Frankly I have never understood why you have accepted living in a lead infested, mold infested, mouse infested hell hole all the time willingly exposing your children to these known toxins. At this stage in the game you don't have anyone to blame but yourselves. 

 

Yes your MIL "gave" you all those things "to keep her baby bird in the nest" but was the two of you who chose to accept these things all while knowing what she was like and why she was doing it.  At any time you could have returned the cable boxes, the internet, given up the cellphone contracts but you didn't. You continued accepting her "gifts".

 

You say you help your MIL a lot financially but aren't you actually months behind in the rent you do owe?  You fill the tanks but isn't that just replacing the gas your family has been using driving HER car/truck? And as noted before she is paying for your cable, your internet AND your cell service. Plus you often leave your kids with her to get things done, even though you complain bitterly of things she does with kids (plays school, gives them markers, etc) and yet she doesn't charge you so in essence its free babysitting.

 

So take this as a GIFT.  You now have the opportunity to completely separate yourself from her, your children can finally have a healthy environment in which to live and you can now take all your anger, rage and frustrations towards your MIL and channel them into positive energy.  Energy needed to rebuild your family, your home and your finances.

 

Good luck.  I am sure MAy first can not come soon enough

post #10 of 195

Not to side with your MIL here, but I bet it was a big shock to her that you guys spent all your tax refund after telling her for a year? that you would be paying her all the back rent due when you received it. From how you describe her finances, I'm sure she was counting on that money. $500 a month is not much at all for a place to live (not to mention utilities, Internet, cell phones, vehicles, and babysitting), but for someone like your MIL who earns very little and from what it sounds like, she has a lot of extended family living under her roof and nearby that she helps out - toxicity and all - $500 times however many months is a lot of money to let slide hoping you'll get repaid later on. 

 

You have two whole months to find and secure a new place.  I think that's kinda generous. We lived in a $hit-hole at one time and it was more than what you agreed to pay, and if we had ever missed even one month we would have had like 3 days to get out. I'm really not trying to be all pro-your MIL, but with the mold, lead, and interference in your lives, it sounds like it's definitely for the better.  If she hadn't given you guys a deadline, do you think there would be a high chance things would have came up and you would have had to put off moving out for months or longer?  I kinda hope for your sake and your kids', that she sticks to it - even if it means losing her 'little boy'.  Maybe you all could have a healthy relationship where she's just the grandma you visit every so often and there isn't that whole co-dependence factor.  Definitely sounds like it's a step in the right direction.  I wish you all well.

post #11 of 195

Honestly, I think this is a good step for both sides! :)

You wanted out, and now you have the extra push to get moving.

post #12 of 195
Thread Starter 

She called and texted my DH numerous times apologizing and saying sorry, etc etc, please don't leave me, you don't have to pay anything, that she was wrong about everything and that she has no right to collect rent from us because of the living conditions... DH said we're still leaving, and she then got all huffy and told him April 1st.  So we have a month.  Still glad to be going.

 

HollyBearsMom, we actually told her about us moving out about a week ago.  My DH has been telling her about the rent, about how unfair he feels that it needs to be paid back (he told her this awhile back as well) and today was where he put his foot down after all the crap we went through just to not get our kids taken away (or something similar) without their help.  I had no idea the conversation was coming.  He was angry at her and put his foot down and told her plan and simple- she's not getting anything.   Yeah, so we're wrong about not giving her the money.  At this point, I'm taking advice I had gotten in the past- take the kids, get out.  Their health is not worth any amount of money.  I should have done it before.  I didn't.  I can't dwell on the past.  We've still got some debt, but I'm not waiting.  IT can wait.  MIL can wait.  My children can not.  I'm not denying that I did horribly wrong by not getting the kids out in the past- I'm doing so now.  This past weekend was chaotic- and involved a lot more than I wrote about in my OP.  Everything is just so overwhelming- the situation has become very toxic, and we're going.  

 

My DH is also refusing to give money to MIL because he doesn't want to support his sister's drug habit.  

 

*as I was typing the above, MIL came to the door hysterical and begging for us not to leave, again saying she doesn't want our money.  DH asked her to leave because DD is trying to get to sleep.  He said we're still leaving.  We are.

 

I'd find a place to move in by the 15th, but DH only gets paid once before then and we need to save up for first month's rent, which will be both this and next paycheck.

 

post #13 of 195



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife View Post

$500 a month is not much at all for a place to live (not to mention utilities, Internet, cell phones, vehicles, and babysitting),

Especially if you don't even pay it. 

post #14 of 195
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by choli View Post



 

Especially if you don't even pay it. 


Can you guys get off my back?  I'm doing my best ATM, which is to get my kids out of here and move.

 

post #15 of 195

I think the other posters where a bit put off by what you have written. On one hand, you say your mother in law is completely toxic and crazy and mean. Yet, then you mention that she is paying for a lot of extras. And that in return, you 'sometimes' buy her food, and fill up the gas tank in the car you guys drive. The incongruity is a bit hard to handle.

 

Also, if you guys have decided to move out a couple weeks ago, how is your MIL kicking you out? Or is it just now a real reality?

 

Ami

post #16 of 195
Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post




Can you guys get off my back?  I'm doing my best ATM, which is to get my kids out of here and move.

 

So do that. So far, it seems that you want to stay in your MIL's rent and bill free and move out on your own schedule without any regard for MIL and her family. She does not agree. Her house, her perogative. Everyone has their limits. I am guessing that the free car is now out of the question.

 

 

post #17 of 195
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by JTA Mom View Post

I think the other posters where a bit put off by what you have written. On one hand, you say your mother in law is completely toxic and crazy and mean. Yet, then you mention that she is paying for a lot of extras. And that in return, you 'sometimes' buy her food, and fill up the gas tank in the car you guys drive. The incongruity is a bit hard to handle.

 

Also, if you guys have decided to move out a couple weeks ago, how is your MIL kicking you out? Or is it just now a real reality?

 

Ami

 

We fill up the gas in HER truck, not the one we usually use.  Sorry for the misconception.  In addition I order her contact lenses with my prescription because she doesn't have one (I pay for them, and they're not cheap) and I also bought two of the books that she needs for college this semester (I bought two last sem. as well).  I'm saying this just to say that we're not completely ignorant and we do help her out.  

 

We decided to move out but she wasn't screaming "get out" at the time.  I'm not really venting about the kicking out (contrary to my thread title) I'm venting about the craziness and toxicity that has become of both of our lives.  I know a lot of it is our fault.  I'm not asking for that to be rubbed in.  I have near zero of an IRL support system.  I just wish that someone was there to give a bit of encouragement and positive support and look past the craziness.  Like I said... I know I'm at fault for so much and I know i'm naive (and if I didn't know it before I sure as hell know it now!).  I'm not oblivious to that.  

 

As far as the amenities go, I know I was wrong.  I know I'm still wrong- I'm using the internet right now!  However, I'm not dillydallying- I'm looking for an apartment, I'm looking into resources, etc.  I'm trying to get out of here and get everything arranged asap.  My husband gave her back the cable box, and he told her to cancel the phone service.  She doesn't constantly watch my DD- she hasn't in awhile.  She does so very seldom because she fills my DDs head with absurd thoughts (no, I'm not talking about markers and school- serious stuff).  My car seats are out of her truck.  We're done.  I know my faults. 
 

 

post #18 of 195
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by choli View Post



So do that. So far, it seems that you want to stay in your MIL's rent and bill free and move out on your own schedule without any regard for MIL and her family. She does not agree. Her house, her perogative. Everyone has their limits. I am guessing that the free car is now out of the question.

 

 



 

We *are*.  Am I expected to pull $800 out of my butt instantly to pay for first month's rent?  And exactly where am I going to get this other magical rent for my MIL?  MIL doesn't know what the heck she wan'ts.  I don't care about the free car- that's the least of my worries.  We have a car.  

 

I've got a lot to do.  I didn't come on here to argue.  I came on here to vent and seek support.

 

Again, I'll say it:  WE SCREWED UP.  I know that!  

post #19 of 195



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post





 

We *are*.  Am I expected to pull $800 out of my butt instantly to pay for first month's rent?  And exactly where am I going to get this other magical rent for my MIL?  MIL doesn't know what the heck she wan'ts.  I don't care about the free car- that's the least of my worries.  We have a car.  

 

I've got a lot to do.  I didn't come on here to argue.  I came on here to vent and seek support.

 

Again, I'll say it:  WE SCREWED UP.  I know that!  



 Well, where did the money that you were supposed to pay in rent to your MIL go?

 

ETA: I am not just trying to give you a hard time, but if you don't have the rent money when you were paying nothing, how do you expect to pay rent and utilities when you move out? You need to figure out where that money went, and how to prevent the rent money from just disappearing into nowhere when you will be living in an apartment where you just can't refuse to pay the rent.

post #20 of 195
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post





 

We *are*.  Am I expected to pull $800 out of my butt instantly to pay for first month's rent?  And exactly where am I going to get this other magical rent for my MIL?  MIL doesn't know what the heck she wan'ts.  I don't care about the free car- that's the least of my worries.  We have a car.  

 

I've got a lot to do.  I didn't come on here to argue.  I came on here to vent and seek support.

 

Again, I'll say it:  WE SCREWED UP.  I know that!  


 

In addition, because I know someone's going to bring it up...

MILs rent was supposed to come from taxes.  Taxes went to cc bills.  Without bills being paid, we wouldn't be able to afford rent even with minimum payments.  Just not possible.  I've looked and looked for a job.  Mall.  Golden Nugget.  Grocery store.  Target.  Nothing!    We're looking into the best interest of our children.  Right now half of our house has no power because there's a short somewhere in the house.  FIL flipped a few switches on the breaker and shrugged.  No electrician has been called.  Right now, I'm having to cook dinner in my bathroom- my mold infested bathroom.  I need to get my kids out.  I just wish someone would understand that.  I know I screwed up in the past.. I just need to get my kids out NOW.  Trying to keep my head in the present.

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