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MIL is kicking us out. - Page 2

post #21 of 195



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post




 

In addition, because I know someone's going to bring it up...

MILs rent was supposed to come from taxes.  Taxes went to cc bills.  Without bills being paid, we wouldn't be able to afford rent even with minimum payments.  Just not possible.  I've looked and looked for a job.  Mall.  Golden Nugget.  Grocery store.  Target.  Nothing!    We're looking into the best interest of our children.  Right now half of our house has no power because there's a short somewhere in the house.  FIL flipped a few switches on the breaker and shrugged.  No electrician has been called.  Right now, I'm having to cook dinner in my bathroom- my mold infested bathroom.  I need to get my kids out.  I just wish someone would understand that.  I know I screwed up in the past.. I just need to get my kids out NOW.  Trying to keep my head in the present.



 What are you charging on the credit cards? Obviously not utilities, so where has the money been going?

post #22 of 195
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by choli View Post



 



 Well, where did the money that you were supposed to pay in rent to your MIL go?

 

ETA: I am not just trying to give you a hard time, but if you don't have the rent money when you were paying nothing, how do you expect to pay rent and utilities when you move out? You need to figure out where that money went, and how to prevent the rent money from just disappearing into nowhere when you will be living in an apartment where you just can't refuse to pay the rent.



We used it to pay off most of our high interest credit card debt that wasn't allowing us to afford to move out.  See my above post (we posted at the same time).  In a *real* LEGAL apartment, a landlord HAS to fix problems that make a place inhabitable.  We wouldn't have had this issue.  

 

Now that the credit card debt is largely paid off and minimum payments are no biggie and we can afford rent with them- we CAN move the kids into a lead-free mold-free environment.

post #23 of 195
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by choli View Post



 



 What are you charging on the credit cards? Obviously not utilities, so where has the money been going?


80% unnecessary stuff.  We wanted to live a different lifestyle I guess.  Yes, we've learned our lesson.  Interest (some close to and over 20%) piled up.  Money has been going to cc bills.

 

post #24 of 195

You can do this. You've been wanting to do this for a long time. You'll need to be really disciplined--no frivolous spending, no wishy-washy promises to anyone (yourself, your kids, your MIL, the Internet, etc.). If you have had a hard time finding a job before, don't wait until you decide where you are going to move. You aren't going to have the luxury of time. Find a job now, even if it isn't ideal. You're going to need to bust your butt to get ahead, and you can do it.

 

Are you and DH on the same page with all this right now? The stress of this transition might be tough on a relationship that has been stressed before.

post #25 of 195

Basically, if the apartment had been rendered livable, you would've paid your MIL the back rent (sort of an in-the-family equivalent to using an escrow account to hold onto rental funds until an apartment is up to code), and taken longer on paying off the CC debt that was preventing you from moving. MIL (and FIL) did not do the repairs, so instead you're using the money to speed up the process of leaving the apartment your landlords aren't keeping up to the minimum legal standard.

 

Makes sense to me.

 

There are definitely things that could have been done to avoid getting to this point, but it's not like you can go back in time and change those things so get out while the getting's good.

 

I've got two guesses for what happens after you finally have your own place.

Either you discover your MIL is actually a decent person when she's not there ALL.THE.TIME. or

She threatens to take you to court for the back rent, in which case you tell her to go ahead.

post #26 of 195
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post

Basically, if the apartment had been rendered livable, you would've paid your MIL the back rent (sort of an in-the-family equivalent to using an escrow account to hold onto rental funds until an apartment is up to code), and taken longer on paying off the CC debt that was preventing you from moving. MIL (and FIL) did not do the repairs, so instead you're using the money to speed up the process of leaving the apartment your landlords aren't keeping up to the minimum legal standard.

 

Makes sense to me.

 

There are definitely things that could have been done to avoid getting to this point, but it's not like you can go back in time and change those things so get out while the getting's good.

 

I've got two guesses for what happens after you finally have your own place.

Either you discover your MIL is actually a decent person when she's not there ALL.THE.TIME. or

She threatens to take you to court for the back rent, in which case you tell her to go ahead.


You've put it much more eloquently than I could have.  And now, after all of this, I highly doubt this place will *ever* get to legal standard.  She bounces back and forth between "It will get fixed" and "You should bathe your kids more often" and "Kids in mexico eat from lead laden pottery and they're not dead".  Should she ever take it to court (highly doubt it) she'd need to get her entire home up to code which includes moving two furnaces, kicking out attic tenants, lead, mold, and a load of other things.  That seems unlikely, but if it happens it happens.  

 

I hope we find that she's a decent person.  My own toxic father saw how toxic she was the day he met her and told me I'd be making a huge mistake ever sharing a home with her.  I know she's good at heart, but I don't understand her intentions.

 

Ecoteat, yes, we are on the same page.  I think that this weight off of our shoulders will be beneficial towards our marriage.  

 

Doing some searching on craigslist and I am finding that most of the apartments we'd be looking into are in a certain neighborhood so I'm going to start looking for a job around there.  Home Depot & the like are hiring seasonal employees so I'm hoping that I can find something there.  Since childcare falls into the hands of DH and I, I *NEED* to find something near where we move.  

 

 

 

post #27 of 195
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
or

She threatens to take you to court for the back rent, in which case you tell her to go ahead.


OP, do you have photos of the mold and documentation of the lead in case the above scenario happens? 

 

post #28 of 195

You might need to hold out a month or two longer.  Last time I moved into an apartment, I had the following expenses:

 

Rent: $490 a month (yeah, it was a while ago)

Last month's rent $490

Deposit: $490

Pet deposit: $150

Gas turn on: $25

Phone turn on: free

Electric on: needed co-signer

 

So, for my $490 apartment, I actually needed close to $2000 including the boxes and u-haul truck rental.  I treated the apartment well, so I got back 100% of my deposit and used up the last month's rent for rent when the time came, so it wasn't actually lost money, but I had to have it.  It took my boyfriend and I all summer to save the extra, sleeping on a bunkbed. 

post #29 of 195

Skip the rent and move asap.It is hard to kick out a legal tenant,so she won't have much luck getting you out anyway.Save and go.

post #30 of 195

If your children's health is that important to you and the city is now involved due the lead issue and the situation is as you described (known drug dealer in the building, mice, mold) move into a shelter.  Why do you continue to risk your children's already failing health??????? Why not call H&HS on your family?  If you truly have done nothing wrong they can give you the resources to make sure your children are SAFE!

 

You owe that money that to your MIL.  It is not for your husband to decide that now that you all want to move he suddenly doesn't like what his mother does with the money.  

 

And you know what- I would have gotten off your back 6 months ago if you had done whatever you needed to do to get your children's SAFE. All the advice your received from concerned parents here on MDC fell on deaf ears as your continued to to us your CC, take your MIL handouts, using her for free babysitting all while plotting to screw her out of a car, the rent etc. You are NOT the victim here. Your children are the victims. 

 

If she really showed up SCREAMING last night while your children tried to sleep in their toxic home I hope you are packed up and moving out now.  Any shelter would be happy to take you if your living situation is truly as described. Or move into a weekly hotel and screw them out the rent.

 

My heart breaks for your children and the emotional and physical damage they have suffered.greensad.gif

post #31 of 195

If you really wanted to move out, why didn't you use your tax return to pay the minimums on your credit cards and the rest to get the hell out of Dodge?  Why did the whole of your tax return go to cc bills?  I know you want your debt to be gone, but it's still not and you are still in this "toxic" situation.  You did not think this through.  Well, maybe you did, but you didn't follow through.  IIRC, you had a plan a while back to "get out" when your tax return came.  The whole thread about wanting your MIL to give you the truck/SUV when you left and whether or not it was ethical to bilk her for the back rent (which most people said was *not* ethical, but which you decided to do anyway)?

 

I don't think people are "on your back", it's just that you're inconsistent.  You say you want to leave, complain, people here have supported you for over a year and you still make excuses to not leave.  You talk about how your MIL is so toxic, but she is supporting you right now... with her own very low income.  If you want her to fix the problems in your apartment, why don't you pay her rent so she has the money to do it?  Or better yet, use the back-rent to do it yourself and call it even.  It's just that you can't have it both ways.  You're an adult now.

 

I really don't think you'll move out this time, either.  You'll find some reason to stay, especially since your MIL is now retracting her order for you to get out and begging you to stay.  She'll make some concession that you will insist you can't refuse and you'll still be where you are 6 months from now.  I know you are a very, very young couple with the stress of two kids in a rotten living situation, but you need to find a solution.  It takes maturity to ACT on what needs to be done, though.  I truly think that you get something out of staying where you are and it allows you to complain about it.  If not, then stop making yourself the martyr here and making your children the victims.  Grow up and move on.

 

This is tough love.  You know what you have to do.  Do it, or accept your circumstances, stop complaining and make the best of it.  Use your time on the internet to find a family shelter and spend the time there, where at least the conditions will be healthy, to save for an apartment.  Good luck!

post #32 of 195



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by ecoteat View Post

You can do this. You've been wanting to do this for a long time. You'll need to be really disciplined--no frivolous spending, no wishy-washy promises to anyone (yourself, your kids, your MIL, the Internet, etc.). If you have had a hard time finding a job before, don't wait until you decide where you are going to move. You aren't going to have the luxury of time. Find a job now, even if it isn't ideal. You're going to need to bust your butt to get ahead, and you can do it.

Very true. I have never lived in Chicago, but I have lived in several big cities. It would not be possible for a family of four to pay rent and get by on one part time low level income in any city I have lived.
post #33 of 195

I think you need to blow off the cc and other debt for now and focus all of your energy and money into finding a place to live.  The debt will still be there when you have the means to pay it on top of caring for your family.  It's too late to get back the money you gave them from your tax return, but if the situation is as poor as you describe you need to seriously reevaluate your financial priorities.  Bad debt is not the worst thing that can happen to your family right now.

post #34 of 195
Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post





I agree!  It's just highly annoying.. MIL's general attitude towards everything.  The lying. Conniving.  Everything. I'm glad we'll be done soon.  And YAY because I'll be able to qualify for WIC and food stamps until we get on our feet.


It sounds like she's actually doing a favor, since now you have a deadline and have to get out instead of waiting for her to fix things.

 

post #35 of 195

what about the friend who offered for you and the kids to stay with her?  maybe that would be an option for you to have a place to stay while you find a job and get your feet on the ground, and "dh" be damned.

post #36 of 195

I hate to say it but yes.  Take first month and deposit out of cc and get a good place to live that you can live safely.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by plantnerd View Post

I think you need to blow off the cc and other debt for now and focus all of your energy and money into finding a place to live.  The debt will still be there when you have the means to pay it on top of caring for your family.  It's too late to get back the money you gave them from your tax return, but if the situation is as poor as you describe you need to seriously reevaluate your financial priorities.  Bad debt is not the worst thing that can happen to your family right now.



 

post #37 of 195

Have you thought about applying to Modest Needs?  You don't get the money instantly but I'm pretty sure you would be able to get what you need to move out of there.

 

www.modestneeds.org

 

post #38 of 195

Could your husband start working FULLTIME at his job? I couldn't imagine trying to live off one parttime income.

post #39 of 195
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post




OP, do you have photos of the mold and documentation of the lead in case the above scenario happens? 

 


I have video of the mold and a letter is in the mail to me about the lead in the home (according to the previous inspector).

post #40 of 195
Thread Starter 

I'm not here to argue.  
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by bebebradford View Post

Could your husband start working FULLTIME at his job? I couldn't imagine trying to live off one parttime income.



He's working 40 hours/wk (last week he hit overtime and they sent him home). 

 

Been pretty busy this morning, still can't find any boxes!  

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