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MIL is kicking us out. - Page 3

post #41 of 195

Try looking on Craigslist for boxes too.  Lots of people give them away in the free section. 

post #42 of 195
I really don't know what to say greensad.gif I agree with many of the above posters' comments but I know making a change is hard when you feel helpless. I remember the situations I was in at your age (which was not that long ago) and the toxic situations I allowed myself to stay in way longer than I should have -- I thought I had no other options. Fortunately there were no kids involved at the time!! It's not easy to make a huge change and take the big risks you will need to take to ultimately give yourself & your children a better life. But you know you need to do it. All I can really say is, YOU ARE NOT HELPLESS. You have way more control of this situation than you think you do. You need to get out. You need to stop pushing your deadline back every month. You need to rely on you & only you to make this happen. I wish I could come over there & physically move you out of that building and help you find a job etc., but I'm just some random person on the internet. I think the harshest reality I faced in my late teens/early 20's was the realization that I was completely on my own, that no one was going to step in & save me (no matter how badly I needed saving, and believe me, it was BADLY!) It's time to just pick yourself up & act now. Do whatever you need to do, use every resource available to you, YOU CAN DO THIS. hug2.gif
post #43 of 195

Do you live nearby a Walmart?  Lots of them save boxes for people.  Call in the evening, they will save them overnight while they are stocking, then you pick them up in the morning.

post #44 of 195

Re boxes - try Craigslist, Freecycle or local merchants (like grocery stores.) 

post #45 of 195
Thread Starter 

I forgot about FreeCycle!

 

Well, I found an apartment for $750, heat included, about three blocks from where my stepdad lives *and* a few blocks from where one DHs uncle's lives (his uncle's wife really can't stand my in-laws and keeps her distance! she's got two kids who my DD adores, so this could be really good!).

 

Going to take the bus to go see it today.  Cross your crossables for me please! 

post #46 of 195
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tilia View Post

Do you live nearby a Walmart?  Lots of them save boxes for people.  Call in the evening, they will save them overnight while they are stocking, then you pick them up in the morning.



No :( I live nearby a Target though :)  Also going to ask the nearby Grocery stores.

post #47 of 195
Thread Starter 

Forgot to add, this apartment requires a security deposit *and* first month's rent.  DH gets paid twice before then, so we're going to *hope* both paychecks are above $750 so that we can pay this.  Groceries and start up costs will need to come from credit cards.

post #48 of 195

Good luck with all of this.  I hope one day you can look back on this experience and be able to say that you were successful in starting a better life for your family.  Ultimately that is the most important thing for you at this point.  Get your kids out and healthy.  Get yourselves on track financially so that your future can be brighter.  You can do this and need to do this for yourself and your kids.  Be thinking about what you want from your future and start taking the steps necessary to secure that future.  Look at the situation with your inlaws as a way to grow and learn from mistakes and then truly learn from them and move on.  You are in control of your future and in this very moment you and your DH can decide what you guys want in life and make it happen.  Don't look back, just look forward.  I hope you are able to get the apartment you are looking at today.  That will take a load off your shoulders!!  

 

Can I give you one piece of advice that may help you?  It is something that I am learning and it is very hard to do.  Trust your own instincts and don't rely on others to give you advice about things of importance in your life.  Only you can decide what you need for yourself.  Some times forums are great for advice, but some times they can end up backfiring and causing more frustration and insecurity.  I am not saying that you should never seek advice from people, but what I am saying is that ultimately you are the only one that is in your situation and knows the full extent of what is going on.  Do what is right for you.

post #49 of 195

One of my father's girlfriends lived in a large-ish apartment complex once and had her rent lowered a little each month by doing yardwork and minor work such as paint touch ups and some cleaning for the building.  Maybe ask your new landlord if they would be open to this, at least while you build a small savings and pay down the rest of your cc debt, in addition to the remaining rent and regular monthly bills.  

 

Good luck with moving, its stressful but I agree with others, you've wanted this for so long!  I wish you the best!

post #50 of 195
Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post

Forgot to add, this apartment requires a security deposit *and* first month's rent.  DH gets paid twice before then, so we're going to *hope* both paychecks are above $750 so that we can pay this.  Groceries and start up costs will need to come from credit cards.



Actually first and last is completely standard in fact it's completely normal to expect first/last AND a security deposit. 

 

Have you ever made a budget up?  If your tax refund went to CC where has all the monthly money been going if not to rent?

 

post #51 of 195

If I have time this evening I can try googling services in the Chicago area. I know in my large city (similiar to Chicago) the public library system offers basic budgeting and finance classes (I used to teach them on a volunteer basis years ago).  This is a great program to help people out because many social service organizations are also involved and provide info too.  Check out United Way, Catholic Charities, Red Cross, the Local Mission.  All of those places also offer budgeting, finance, career, childcare and many more services.  They can help you with bus/transit passes, utility hook ups, kids clothes etc but you need to ask for the help.

 

Ive been following your posts for awhile and Ive been hesitant to comment.  Hopefully you and your family will take some well intended advice from one/some of the posters on here. 

post #52 of 195

Well getting out sounds like the best thing for everyone involved. First month's rent and last months or a deposit is standard for most places. A lot now days even require all 3. One thing I'd keep in mind also though with moving is that there may be deposits for electric, water, gas, etc as well. I would call and try to find out about that so you know what to expect.

 

I do want to suggest making out a budget though like some pps have said. You should consider where the money from that full time income has been going every month if you have had no bills to pay. Get involved in the other threads here for ideas and suggestions. There are some good posts around that can help you figure out how to budget and what to expect in monthly expenses.

post #53 of 195
Thread Starter 

Just got back from seeing the apartment, it seems just right for us.  I faxed in the application and paid the fee on paypal, and am now playing the waiting game (he said it usually takes about a day for them to review the application).  He said that after the application is approved, the security deposit will need to be paid, and then the first month's rent will need to be paid upon moving in. He said that they'll give us the apt the weekend before April 1st (march 26th) free of charge :)

 

PLEASE cross all crossables that we get this apartment!  Two bedrooms in a good area for $750 with heat included.  We *need* this!  I'm going to continue looking in the meantime just in case, but I'm hoping that this is it!

post #54 of 195

Good luck to you, mama! Here's hoping you are able to put into action some of the advice that these wise women have shared. 

 

I don't live in your city, but I did a little research to see if I could come up with some resources that might be of use to your and your family. Have you heard of Metropolitan Family Services? Among other things, there is a Family Self-Sufficiency program that provides job training, education, intensive career and family counseling, transportation and day care. There's also a Young Father's Initiative (I know you and your DH are young parents), legal aid, counseling, child development programs, etc. It looks like a wonderful organization! Anyway, here is the link:

 

http://www.metrofamily.org/programs-and-services/

 

 

post #55 of 195

there is bad debt, and there is good debt. bad debt is when you buy unnecessary items b/c doing so makes you feel better. good debt is when you use your credit to secure a better situation for yourself -- such as going to college, or buying a house (or in your case, getting into a new apartment).

 

i've followed your threads for awhile now too, and i think that while it's admirable to buy only organic foods, it is actually very expensive to do so. and not living with mold, lead and other hazards would have been higher on my list of priorities.

 

also, i know you don't want people nagging you about the debt to your mother in law issue, but if you ever get a chance to check it out from the library, read Suzy Orman's book, the young, fabulous and broke. debt to family IS important. as important as debt to credit card companies, and in fact MORE important. that debt, unpaid, will nag you forever and in a more personal way than what you owe to faceless institutions. it seems like a lot today, but if it's really "just" several thousand dollars, there will be a point in your lives sometime (i sure hope) that you will have that money, and more, and the ability to repay it (with interest?) and yet if you don't, again, the thought of the debt will always follow you and you will forever wonder if you did the right thing. several thousand dollars is a small price to pay for a clear conscience.

 

i would humbly suggest that, in addition to the payment plans you are on with your CC companies, that you set up a payment plan to your MIL as well. it can be as modest as $30 a month, and it might have to go on for 5 or 10 years. but you can afford it, and you should work it into your budget. your MIL will RESPECT you if you start paying this debt back to her. map out a grid with each month and the amount you pay, and then just keep at it until the rent debt is erased.

 

yeah, you can "argue" that it isn't owed b/c the issues weren't fixed, but that's just an excuse. bottom line, as you stated yourself, you screwed up agreeing to the terms in the first place. be ADULTS and accept the consequence of that screw up, and pay what you owe.

 

not only will you gain your MIL's respect, you will start to respect yourselves more. enough so that you won't accept crappy living conditions for yourselves and your children again. 

 

seriously, i cannot state it strongly enough that, although you can come up with reason after reason (excuses) for not paying, you are not doing yourself any favors by pocketing the meager amount you owe. even a few thousand dollars is MEAGER in the whole scheme of things... which is really setting a precedent for your whole lives that lie out before you.

post #56 of 195

Excellent ElliesMomma.  I hope the OP reads and digests your post!

post #57 of 195

I would also like to suggest a book you could learn a lot from.  Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey.  Or Financial Peace Revisited by Dave Ramsey.  Same concepts in both books.  They really helped me get on track.  Good luck to you!

post #58 of 195

Are you eligible for any public assistance? It sounds like your rent will be more than 50% of your husband's pay. That's going to make it tough to live on when you're paying for utilities, food, debt, etc. as well. I don't see how all of that will be less than $700 a month.

 

Really far more than 40 hours of work a week is necessary to maintain your household at the pay rate that you guys will get. I know that jobs aren't plentiful everywhere, but they are available. Friends just moved to Chicago and got jobs within a week. Of course they both have skills and a job history, but one of them is working far afield from his degree. 

 

I won't share my thoughts on the MIL situation, mostly because it's been covered by other posters. I do think, though, that you have to get away from the mindset that you'll only do what's your first choice. You want your kids to be with one of you all of the time. I get that. I've always worked from home with my kids here, too, but we made those plans before having them. I switched to freelancing in the field where I already had experience. You don't have that luxury, and you guys really need to just suck it up and get as many work hours as you can right now until you can get your spending under control and can make some headway on financial stability.

 

ETA: I just thought of something. I do know of a couple of content writing places that could work for you if you're interested. PM me, and I'll give you the application info. That would let you work from home, or at least around your husband's schedule.

post #59 of 195

Quote:

Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post

Just got back from seeing the apartment, it seems just right for us.  I faxed in the application and paid the fee on paypal, and am now playing the waiting game (he said it usually takes about a day for them to review the application).  He said that after the application is approved, the security deposit will need to be paid, and then the first month's rent will need to be paid upon moving in. He said that they'll give us the apt the weekend before April 1st (march 26th) free of charge :)

 

PLEASE cross all crossables that we get this apartment!  Two bedrooms in a good area for $750 with heat included.  We *need* this!  I'm going to continue looking in the meantime just in case, but I'm hoping that this is it!


Crossing my fingers for you. Peace.gif

 

Another thought: Have you guys considered moving into the suburbs where the cost of living is slightly cheaper? Chicago proper is insanely expensive, which is the reason DH and I moved to the 'sticks'. We live in the far North suburbs and rent is considerably less - if you search around enough, a two bedroom can be found for about $600 or even less. Schools are good, neighborhoods are generally safe, and there's always the Metra train to get around. My husband works in the city, and it only takes him about 40 minutes to drive there.

 

Just a thought. 

 

post #60 of 195


I've thought about that too.  You could get a nice, safe, quiet place for a little less money.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by IxIa View Post

Quote:


Crossing my fingers for you. Peace.gif

 

Another thought: Have you guys considered moving into the suburbs where the cost of living is slightly cheaper? Chicago proper is insanely expensive, which is the reason DH and I moved to the 'sticks'. We live in the far North suburbs and rent is considerably less - if you search around enough, a two bedroom can be found for about $600 or even less. Schools are good, neighborhoods are generally safe, and there's always the Metra train to get around. My husband works in the city, and it only takes him about 40 minutes to drive there.

 

Just a thought. 

 



 

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