Lilmom... Just responded to you, thinking you were talking about 9 dpo, instead of cd 9. I wonder if ovulation could cause spotting for some...? It does sounds rather unusual.
I have tried to correct just about everything about my cycle, and now wonder if there was never anything wrong to begin with. Something I did accomplish was getting rid of all the little cramps in the TWW. I used progesterone cream for two cycles, and then stopped, and the end results was now having normal cycles without the cramping. No matter what, I am happy, as the cramps reminded me endlessly of the feeling of being broken, and they were annoying.
Since there was no action this cycle, I have not charted after confirming ovulation. It has been kind of nice. However, I just realuzed that the SA will need to be moved. For someone who had charted for years and years, it makes me LOL that I totally forgot to think I would have my period when we had planned to do the SA. Or I would be about to start, and I have to have the time booked at the lab, so I cannot not show up. So, I guess I will rebook it for a week later or something. I just don't care very much right now, so no big deal.
So whenever I try to let go of the little special needs orphan baby, something happens. It is like the world really needs me to think of him, so at least someone does. Whenever I realize the door is totally closed, some little thing happens. The newest development is that someone on MDC sent a link to an organization that does adoptions from this country. Instead of saying that the adoptive parents need to sign a document stating that they will convert to Islam, this place says that the parents need to respect the heritage of the child. Pretty big difference between those two things. Respect I sure would, convert, not. (I think the truth still is that there is no way to adopt from this country without signing said document. However, I sure am interested in this organization's take on it. It is rather weird.) I was already told by someone at a different organization that, being European, I seem to be thinking of this more deeply than most Americans. What it seemed to imply is that many Americans just sign the document as if they did not know what it said. Well, I do know, and I cannot go back to not knowing.
I have so much hope that things will end up just as they should. I am having a day with very empty arms today, though. There is a big difference for me between accepting infertility and accpeting that there might be no more children in our family, ever. The first I am ok with, the second, not at all.
I spoke about my intuitions with my mom yesterday and, sure enough, she has had many of the same kind. I tend to think it is nothing special in that very many people have them. Maybe some people just follow them without thinking, not sure. My aunt has dreams that always come true. To be honest, I am very happy not to have that. All my "knowings" have been at times in my life where the next step ended up having been huge for the rest of my life. Since I feel so strongly that we will not have any more biological children, assuming this followed the rest of the pattern with these feelings, it makes me very curious about what the junction in my life might be right now. Stopping TTC and adopting might make perfect sense, but how on earth are we supposed to adopt with no money, and who are we supposed to adopt???
Sorry, it is all me me me. It has been a bit quiet here, lately, which may be a good sign. It seems there is more written here, the more pain people are in.