would you let a 3yo go on an overnight miata drive weekend?

[shanniesue2]

DH has a miata and is part of a club that does monthly drives.  In April, they do a spring fling, where its 8-9 hours of driving on good "driving roads" on day 1(nices views, at times windy, and not frequented by cops).  They stay overnight somewhere (usually within 3-4 hours of direct route driving distance--they just take forever to get there b/c the purpose of the drive is to... well, drive) and then come back using a slightly more direct route than the first day.  Potty breaks are every 2-3 hours and are fairly hurried.  There are usually 30-40 cars on the drive.  And it's fun.  For grown ups.  The driving involved isn't going to be too aggressive, but it's also not going to be "cool cruiser dude" either  (that's the club's description of relaxed driving).  I mean the point is to get the miatas out and play in them.

This year, my moms group at church is doing a mom's retreat sans kids (nursing babes allowed) that same weekend.  And DH wants to take DS (turned 3 yesterday) on the miata drive.  I personally don't think it's a good idea.  DH thinks it will be fun and said that he will turn around and come back if DS gets bored or unhappy.  My big concern is that it just isn't a kid-friendly event.  There isn't time to stop and play and stretch legs... and he would be stuck in his car seat for 8-9 hours.  DH told me at the dinner table that he asked DS id DS wanted to go and that DS said he did.  But DS has no way of knowing what a miata drive entails, so.... I still don't feel good about it.  But I don't know if I feel badly enough about it to put my foot down and say DS isn't going on the miata drive.  Plus, I don't know how constructive that would be.

I'm almost considering skipping my retreat and just telling DH to go on the drive and I'll stay home with the kid.  But honestly, I would feel pretty resentful about that... I put the retreat on the calendar before DH even knew when the miata drive was going to be. 

WWYD?

[crunchy_mommy]

If your DH is serious about turning back if it proves to be too much for DS, then I don't see the problem. If he's the type to push it too far... then I'd have some serious qualms.

My 2yo cannot tolerate more than ~1 hour in the car at a time so it's hard for me to imagine sending him on an 8-hour drive, but if your DS likes car rides and your DH has a plan for entertaining him (DVD player, snacks, whatever) then it could work I guess. Maybe he could stop halfway through to let your DS play at a park or something, and catch up with the rest of the group at another point in the route, or back at the hotel...

(This is assuming your DS is OK to be away from you overnight in the first place, since you didn't mention any concerns about that part of it!)

OH and another option might be to see if a friend or relative will take DS for the weekend so you & DH can each do your thing...

[Alyantavid]

Sounds like hell to me.  But if he's up for it and will really turn around and go home if it doesn't work, he should be fine.  

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Here are my feelings.

Dad goes on the miata drive every month.  Or at least it's available to him each month.  

It sounds fun, and I bet he'll be sad to miss it, but I would ask him to please skip it so you can go on your retreat.    

On the other hand, I'd rather feel resentful to him for not letting me go on my weekend, than him feel resentful towards me.  (I can't handle guilt)

I would say "no" to the Miata drive.  It's too much for a three year old.  It's not going to be fun for either of them, and Dad is just going to end up feeling stressed and annoyed at your son for not "getting into it' the way he's hoping and imagining.

[Boot]

Totally not my kind of thing (I had to google to find out what a miata was) but I think that you should let your husband make the call on this. He agreed to have your son this weekend and it's up to him what they do together. Worst case scenario, DS gets whiny and bored in the car and DH turns back. Best case scenario, they both have a blast, DS gets loads of attention and loves it. At 3, he might even remember it later and he will probably have a cool picture of him and his dad in the car. You trust your DH don't you? And you go and have a great time at the retreat. 

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial 

Here are my feelings.

Dad goes on the miata drive every month.  Or at least it's available to him each month.  

It sounds fun, and I bet he'll be sad to miss it, but I would ask him to please skip it so you can go on your retreat.    

Woah I totally missed that it was a monthly thing. I thought it was a once-a-year drive & that sounds like it would be a shame for him to miss, but if it's a monthly thing, I do think it would make more sense for him to stay home with DS so you can go on your retreat (unless your retreats are also a monthly thing).

[woodchick]

Originally Posted by Boot 

Totally not my kind of thing (I had to google to find out what a miata was) but I think that you should let your husband make the call on this. He agreed to have your son this weekend and it's up to him what they do together. Worst case scenario, DS gets whiny and bored in the car and DH turns back. Best case scenario, they both have a blast, DS gets loads of attention and loves it. At 3, he might even remember it later and he will probably have a cool picture of him and his dad in the car. You trust your DH don't you? And you go and have a great time at the retreat. 

Yup.  All of this!

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by Boot 

Totally not my kind of thing (I had to google to find out what a miata was) but I think that you should let your husband make the call on this. He agreed to have your son this weekend and it's up to him what they do together. Worst case scenario, DS gets whiny and bored in the car and DH turns back. Best case scenario, they both have a blast, DS gets loads of attention and loves it. At 3, he might even remember it later and he will probably have a cool picture of him and his dad in the car. You trust your DH don't you? And you go and have a great time at the retreat. 

This is exactly my feelings on it.  If its miserable, your DH will learn not to do it again.  And really, even if your dh pushes it and keeps going even though ds is bored out of his mind and cranky, well, Oh well!  I just don't get the big deal if he hates it.  Although, I bet your dh wouldn't make that mistake again!

[mamabutterfly]

I don't get how "turning around" if DS is unhappy helps things... it wouldn't be in the first 30 minutes probably, but more like halfway through... so wouldn't they have to drive 3-4 hours back home? Not fun if ds is done with being in the car. Also if he's burnt out on sitting in the car on day 1, there's not an option for day 2; they have to drive home, right?

I'd talk to my dh about wanting to offer him a weekend of his own to do the miata drive and enjoy himself, and suggest it would be more fun for ds in a year or two. (So not disregarding his desire to do it, just not maybe with ds or with him so young).

[journeymom]

I'm with the above, let your dh do this and figure it out for himself.

And don't skip your retreat. It's not monthly, is it?  Though I understand that this April drive is special, not like the other monthly drives.  If you're really not comfortable with your dh taking his child on the road then ask him to stay home this time.

[pianojazzgirl]

We used to have a Miata - it was a 2 seater (no backseat).  Is that what we're talking about here?  If so I wouldn't feel comfortable with my 3yo riding up front and that would be enough to decide it for me (other troubling factors aside).

[MammaG]

Aren't Miatas two-seaters? So, a 3YO front-facing in a front seat, possibly exceeding the speed limit?

My answer would be a resounding H3LL, NO!!!

OK, I occasionally exceed the speed limit with my kids in the car, but I'd draw the line at an event where driving somewhat aggressively was the whole point, you know? And I say this as a former Alfa Romeo driver who really looooved to put a great driving car through her paces.

Our group of friends does a yearly road rally that is probably just a bit more child-friendly than the trip you describe, although longer...usually 10 hours. We won't attempt that again until our kids can really participate in finding the scavenger hunt items, plan our route, and sustain interest for more than an hour or so.

So safety considerations aside, I would wait until the child was much older just because of the boredom factor.


ETA: Oh, man.....I really miss that car!

[puddle]

Personally, I'd feel uncomfortable having my 3-yr-old ride in a Miata at all.  My DH has a similar group of car enthusiasts that go on weekend drives about once a year or so.  I can't imagine him wanting to take DD yet.  Miatas are not safe cars and kids are distracting when trying to drive that way.  Plus it just sounds like it would be miserable.  I can't imagine a 3-yr-old that can sit still that long.  If my husband wanted to take DD on one of his drives, I don't know if I'd tell him no, but I'd definitely point out why I think it might not be a great idea.  If he wanted to make the drive in a Miata...I might have a stronger opinion.  You can practically step on those things!

[ameliabedelia]

No way.  IME, a 3-year old can not tolerate an 8-9 hour car drive with only hurried potty breaks.  When we do long car rides we try to leave early in the AM (like 5 AM) and plan for breaks of least 30-60 minutes (sometimes longer) where the kids can run around, get exercise, etc.  We time things carefully around mealtimes and naptimes.

Plus, it doesn't sound all that safe anyways, and I think it would just end up in frustration for both your dh and your ds.

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Originally Posted by shanniesue2 

and not frequented by cops.

I just wanted to add, that this part cracked me up!  

[mtiger]

I see no reason why Dad shouldn't go with the kiddo, and you shouldn't go to your event. Really.

[ASusan]

I would be stoked if DH wanted to do something like this with DS. DS is three, and he would LOVE to spend the day with dad in the car, listening to music together, rushing to pee standing up. What a great bonding experience.

Agreed that most road trips are better when you can stop and run around for a while, but my DS would tolerate it (especially with dad and looking for cool things along the way - water towers are a current favorite), and then he could run around when they get to the destination. (A promise of a hotel pool or playground - even at a public school or park - would work for our DS. Maybe do a little research of the destination - is there an indoor playground that will be open when they get there? Even a McDonald's or Burger King would work for us.

ETA - DS loves looking at look-and-find books while we are driving. He can usually do one for 20-30 minutes. Maybe buy a couple of new books for the trip? Hey - another thought I had. When we did a long road trip with DS a year ago, I wrapped up 20+ "presents" for DS. A few were new things I bought special for the trip - look-and-find book, a doctor's kit, a look-and-find bottle (like this, but plastic - http://unplugyourkids.com/2009/07/05/rice-find-it-jar-game/)  - but most were small toys from what he already owned. We gave them to him to unwrap at a pace of about one per hour. Basically, whenever he got fussy and we couldn't stop. Worked out GREAT. He had a bunch of stuff to play with at the hotel (whatever he had unwrapped the first day), and then he had a bunch of new things for the ride back.

[lonegirl]

The length of drive is nothing to me.  We do 8-10h (one way) drives every 3 weeks and ds has been doing them with us since only a couple weeks old.  I would have more concern with it being a 2 seater car.

[reezley]

Wow, when my kids were 3 (or even now at slightly older) they would hate that!  They have to run around most of a day. Sounds not safe, and boring for kids. More than boring, really awful to not get breaks to run around a while.  Fun for a couple hours maybe.... but 2 days!? 

[meemee]

what is your child's personality? is he really tied to his structure and gets really upset if things are not on time?

my dd at that age would have loved it. however she is a free spirited party girl. we did a 12 hour road trip at 18 months with dd's teenage cousin in car. we stopped only once for food and diaper change. dd had a BLAST. i would have loved her dad spending that kind of time without me. since it is a series of 30-40 cars i'd feel safe with a 3 year old riding in front if no airbags. i wouldnt allow any child in front with airbags. 

you can go for your retreat, and dad can try this experiment. if it doesnt work he can come home and spend the weekend with DS.

but no way, no way would i ever cancel your retreat plans. unless emergency of course. even if your son came down with the flu or cold or fever i'd let daddy handle it and still go on the retreat.

i see this as two great opportunities 

1. daddy son time

2. huge adult break for mom

both are extremely important and i certainly wouldnt give up one for the other. 

it seems like a win win situation as Boat pointed out. so let dh give it a try.