would you let a 3yo go on an overnight miata drive weekend? - Page 2

[Linda on the move]

I'd let them go. The worse thing that will happen is that they will have to turn around and come back early. The best thing that could happen is that if could become a daddy/kid activity that they do over and over, and you'll get more breaks!

Sometimes kids have GREAT times at non-kid events because lots of adults dote on them, and they feel very Big and Important. And kids often act different around just dad than they do around mom. Car clubs tend to be pretty mellow, fun people. What have you got to loose?

[ssh]

I'm surprised so many people think it's safe for a 3 year old to ride in a front seat only sports car. Can you turn off the air bags? Some models you can't.

[woodchick]

Originally Posted by ssh 

I'm surprised so many people think it's safe for a 3 year old to ride in a front seat only sports car. Can you turn off the air bags? Some models you can't.

Those are important issues to consider, but I'm guessing that most posters do not know the specifics of a Miata and are responding to the concerns of the OP which were length of drive, shortness of pit stops and the 'adultness' of the event.  (I was, anyway)

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by ssh 

I'm surprised so many people think it's safe for a 3 year old to ride in a front seat only sports car. Can you turn off the air bags? Some models you can't.

We used to have a Miata and the air bags turned off. My kids really liked going out with Daddy in the Miata because they could see things. It was a lot of fun for them, though they never did trips that long.

Obviously, a child should always be in an appropriate car seat and obviously, a child under age 12 should never be any where near an air bag.  We could follow those rules and let the kids enjoy the very cool car.

We eventually traded ours in for a convertible mustang so we could all enjoy being out in the sports car together. 

I'm all for following basic safety guidelines, but I'm also for living life.

[shanniesue2]

To answer questions about the safety factor... I am not concerned about DS riding in the miata.  You can manually turn the air bag off.  And he is still RFing (he's a tiny 3 yo at 27 pounds soaking wet).  I did a lot of thinking about it before letting DH take him for short drives around town (30 minutes or less), and I feel comfortable with it AS LONG AS DH leaves the top up (I have horrible visions of debris flying into the cab of the car and knocking DH out while he's driving).  The main thing about safety that concerns me is that the driving style is going to be slightly ramped up (although not agressive) and the club is not going to want to slow it down to make the worried mama who isn't even on the drive comfortable.  I think it was 2 years ago that they were doing an agressive drive for the spring fling (I don't go on those b/c they make me car sick) and one of the drivers flipped her car.  She wasn't hurt, but that is in the back of my mind.

Thedriving distance does concern me.  DS isn't a routine freak or anything... but these drives are tiring even for grown ups... last year when we reached out destination we were just SO exhausted...

I mean last summer I drove with DS to chicago (about 13 hours of driving time).  But I split it into two days.  And we stopped every couple of hours for at least 60 minutes to stretch our legs and play (parks, McDonald's, that sort of thing).  And he did fine.  My rule was that as long as he was happy, we kept driving.  When he got unhappy, we stopped.  This drive is not going to be flexible like that.  There will probably be one AM potty break, stop for lunch (about an hour... and usually a banquet-type dinner setting... so not McDonalds or anywhere with a playground)

I talked more to DH last night about how he would keep DS entertained, and at what point he would feel that DS had had enough.  I'm almost inclined to let him go and figure it out the hard way.  But I still have more questions to ask.

[bluebackpacks]

I would let DH figure it out.  Have fun at your retreat!

[shanniesue2]

P.S.  The drives are monthly, but the April drive is the only overnight drive.  Plus, due to scheduling and childcare issues, he hasn't been able to go on a drive since the spring fling last April

[meemee]

Originally Posted by shanniesue2 

P.S.  The drives are monthly, but the April drive is the only overnight drive.  Plus, due to scheduling and childcare issues, he hasn't been able to go on a drive since the spring fling last April

oh boy this is a tough one. none of you have gotten any breaks big time so its a toss up btw dh and you.

if dh is willing to take a chance then maybe you can let him figure it out. both of you need to assess whose need is more which seems it is yours since even after a year, or almost, your dh is willing to live with the consequences that he may not be able to complete the drive.

[nextcommercial]

Originally Posted by shanniesue2 

To answer questions about the safety factor... I am not concerned about DS riding in the miata.  You can manually turn the air bag off.  And he is still RFing (he's a tiny 3 yo at 27 pounds soaking wet). 

If you aren't concerned about it, and they want to do it, I'd let them do it.  You never know.. they may have a blast and want to do it every year.  Just ask him to have an exit plan in case they decide to ditch the group.  Maybe there are fun places to stop and play on the way back... might as well make the trip back fun.

Since he hasn't gone since last year, and you guys already have the car... I'd say "go for it".

[green betty]

Do you know what the #1 heath and safety hazard that most child face today is?  It isn't disease.  It isn't unhealthy ingredients in our food.  It isn't dangerous sports. It isn't crazy people shooting up schools.

It's riding in cars.  Especially on highways.  The most risky thing most parents ever do with their child is drive them around.  (Don't take my word for it--go look up statistics about child mortality and car accidents.  The internet is lousy with them.) And while I'm not advocating never driving your child anywhere, it makes sense to minimize the single most dangerous thing they ever do and restrict it to when you have a good reason to do so.

So, um, no, I don't think doing the exact opposite of that is a good idea.

And because I am educated about safety hazards and the statistics of road safety, I would never, EVER allow my child to ride in a car seat in the front seat, especially in a small car relatively likely to crumple on impact! To take those kinds of risks "just for fun" borders on neglect, IMO. 

(Wait, tell me again how a driver in one of these rides flipped her car?)

[grahamsmom98]

Personally, I don't care if your son is still rear-facing or not, or that you can turn-off the air bags, or that your dh makes a promise to keep the top up.  I don't feel a young child has any place in the FRONT seat of any car, much less a Miata-type vehicle.

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I talked more to DH last night about how he would keep DS entertained, and at what point he would feel that DS had had enough.  I'm almost inclined to let him go and figure it out the hard way.  But I still have more questions to ask. 

But, it's not your husband that will "figure it out the hard way," it is your son, and he's the one that will really pay the price.  By the time your DH may have decided your son has had enough, how long will it take for him to return home (which puts your little boy in the sad position of having his discomfort doubled)??? 

Part of parenting means, sometimes, putting grown-up things on hold until such time as they can be dealt with (that goes with your retreat, too).  Why make your son pay the price for his Daddy wanting some "man time" with his driving buddies?? 

I seriously doubt these other drivers will care about your son being on this drive (many may be going on this to have a get-away from their children), especially when it is a FACT that your husband will have to make stops for your son to stretch his little legs, use the bathroom and eat meals.  Are they willing to put up with that?  What about dinnertime, will your son be agreeable to eating where the others want to eat?

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DH told me at the dinner table that he asked DS id DS wanted to go and that DS said he did. 

Well, duh, of course he did.  He's 3 years old!!!  The idea of going in a car with Daddy is going to be very exciting for him, especially a sleek little number like a Miata.  But, he doesn't have a clue to what the law is, nor the dangers of being in a soft-top vehicle (for adults of children).

Would you agree to everything that your ds said he wanted to do ("I want to play in the middle of the street"  "I want to play with the strange dog in the park"  "I want to eat only ice cream")?  No, you are his parent and need to keep him safe, even if it means losing out on your desires once in awhile.  That's called being an adult.

You and your dh have to make the decision as to which of you gets their special treat this time.  Either he goes on his drive, or you go on your retreat.  But, not both.  If you both go, you both win.  But, if you both go, your son loses. 

There will be plenty of years ahead for those separate on+one road trips or retreats.  That time is not now. 

[ssh]

My 5 year old is only allowed to ride in my DHs  front seat only little turbocharged car in our driveway. When he comes home from work she gets in his car in the driveway and then they park it in the garage. She loves his Mr2, thinks it's a really cool car. When she's 5' tall and weighs 100lbs, probably about 10 or 11 years old with her current height,  she'll be allowed to ride in it outside of our driveway.

[pianojazzgirl]

Originally Posted by grahamsmom98 

Personally, I don't care if your son is still rear-facing or not, or that you can turn-off the air bags, or that your dh makes a promise to keep the top up.  I don't feel a young child has any place in the FRONT seat of any car, much less a Miata-type vehicle.

I have to say that I agree with this. 

[shanniesue2]

thanks to the posters who respectfully gave their input.  I definitely have more to think about now.  However, I don't really like the tone that this thread seems to be taking all of a sudden... so I'm bowing out.

[Viola]

I can barely drive 5 hours with my kids in a minivan with a dvd player, and they are older than 3, so I can't imagine a 3 year old enjoying it, but maybe he would because my children seem to have an unusually low tolerance for doing things they don't want to do.  I've overly indulged them, unfortunately.  Other people seem to be able to drive long distances with their children, so maybe it's just me.  :)   But I really hope you get to go on your retreat don't give it up.  

There are times when I get excited about doing something and I think that I can just bring the kids with me and make it work, and it usually doesn't and I have to give it up.  So to me it sounds like a case of your dh thinking it would work out, but when push comes to shove, I don't really think it's what your husband would really want out of the trip either.

[cateerob]

I would say let him give it a go...but maybe before you decide let dh take him for a 2 or 3 hour ride one day just to see how he goes. he may have fun and would be a grreat father son bonding exp

catherine

[Linda on the move]

I'm surprised by the turn the thread took, and disagree with so much of what's been said. Being able to see out the front of a car is very different from being in the back, and doing things with daddy is just fun. I never thought of my kids going for drives with daddy with the air bag turned off when the were little as unique, but I guess it was. They both lived to tell the tale, and one will start driving next year.

The last time we were in the er, it was because one of my kids fell in our dining room, which is tile.

We take reasonable precautions, but we live life. Part of that is driving around in fun cars.

[Jane]

Originally Posted by ssh 

My 5 year old is only allowed to ride in my DHs  front seat only little turbocharged car in our driveway. When he comes home from work she gets in his car in the driveway and then they park it in the garage. She loves his Mr2, thinks it's a really cool car. When she's 5' tall and weighs 100lbs, probably about 10 or 11 years old with her current height,  she'll be allowed to ride in it outside of our driveway.

I love MY Mr2 and it will be my primary car for me and my new baby.  I already haul all my midwifery gear in it. 

I've totally participated in club drives.  They are usually about 45 minutes of driving, then a photo op, then driving, then food, then driving, then photos and potty, etc.  Nice people, too, in general, just the kind of people I'd have kids around.  There are a limited number of kids on the drives b/c of the two-seat thing, but usually 4 or 5 out of 30-40 cars. 

There is usually a separate spirited ride.  I sometimes sit that out b/c I'm not comfortable with the team leader.  I'd likely sit that out with a child. 

No one's ever flipped.  Ever.  Anyone who crosses centerline is shunned as a terrible driver.

And the airbag turns off with the key. 

I wouldn't fault anyone else for making their own risk/reward decisions.  Even if it's different than the decisions I'd make. 

I am somewhat dismayed at the attitude some posts have shown towards the child's father - that he is not attuned to his very small child's needs.  That speaks poorly of our assumptions of fathers.  How can they rise to the challenge when the bar is set too low. 

[new2this]

I say let him go and have fun. If child doesn't enjoy himself lesson learned on the father's part. 

As far as the safety factor. Of course back seat is safest, riding RF vs FF is safer, harnessed as long as possible vs unharnessed is safer and so on down the line. Luckily parents are able to make the choice that they feel is best no matter what others think. It doesn't make a person a better parent because they take safer risks then the ones who don't. 

[kriket]

no.

DH and I do trips like this, well we did until we had kids. Things like the BABE rally, and the Lemons, Niagara meets. (we had CRXes, not Miatas) I wouldn't put a 3yo in a Miata. and you are right, these things are fun for adults, they aren't really kid things. Maybe a 7 or 8 yo but 3? hurm... And since it's overnight, (you did say it was overnight right?) won't there be camping, strangers and drinking? Thats want I remember rallys being :)

I have to admit, if DH wanted to take our son on a event like this I would laugh at him. I have enough fun going to the grocery with a young kid, can't imagine doing a rally.