Can I give my daughter a gentle nudge to start weaning?

[MimiMoon]

Hoping to get some advice... I originally posted this in CLW section.  Maybe this is more the place for it:

This is my first time here.  I really need advice.  My daughter is 2 years, 3 months and still nursing.  She has always been a major fan of nursing.  I had originally planned to nurse her for 1 year and just thought like everyone I know, she would get tired of it and stop on her own around 1 year.  At 1 year, she showed no sign of being ready and neither did I, and that was fine.  I decided I would let her lead the way.  I just thought she would be done by now.  I was home with her until 2 months ago, when I had to go back to work, part-time.  She is home with Daddy, when I'm at work.  I thought this might get her on the track to weaning.  No.  I am OK with her nursing because she loves it, but I feel ready to stop.  I don't want it to be traumatic for either of us, though.  How can I take something away from her that she loves so much?  She would not understand and I think it is cruel to just say, "No.  You can't have it anymore."  Is there any way to gently push her in that direction?  My husband suggests putting lemon on my nipples to make the milk sour.  I don't think I can bring myself to do this.  We are living with my parents temporarily (because my husband was laid off) and they make comments about her still nursing.  I used to be able to nurse in front of them, but now my daughter has a ritual of undoing my bra herself and both boobs have to be exposed!  Lol.  It is just getting inconvenient and she sleeps in our bed and nurses at night too.  I don't want to be selfish, but I want to get her weaned soon, so we can start thinking about moving her into her own bed, and so I can have my husband back.  She is so dependant on the boob for falling asleep and when she wakes up 1 or 2 times at night.   She drinks from a regular cup during the day, but does not like milk.  She only sips water throughout the day and drinks water with her meals.  So, it's not like I can give her a sippy of milk as a replacement.   I just feel hopeless and don't know what to do!

Sorry this is so long.  Any advice is much appreciated!

[MujerMamaMismo]

There's good and bad about weaning at this age (I'm in the slow process too, with my DS who is the same age...) The good, is that their language is to a level where they really understand what you are saying to them and their memory is great. The bad is that if they've come this far without self weaning, then they're usually pretty dedicated to the boob!

My suggestion thus is to start talking to her, first about reducing the number of feeds she has, and then about ceasing breastfeeding altogether. Perhaps you could cut out all day feeds? Or you could nightwean? We're down to just morning and bedtime feeds having nightweaned 6 months ago and day weaned a couple of months ago. I never would have thought either were possible. My son was obsessed. He nursed every 45mins-1.5hrs at night and everytime I stood still during the day. Our transition was not nearly as difficult as i thought it would be and I'm sure it's because we really gave him plenty of warning.

And who knows? Some kids lose interest once it's not on tap and do gradually drop off...your supply may also drop and she might get bored with that...

And if that doesn't happen, you will, at least, be on the gentle road to mother-led-weaning...

Good luck!

[MimiMoon]

MujerMamaMismo,

Thank you for your kind reply.  Can I ask what you did when DS woke up to nurse in the night, during the nightweaning process?  I think I will have to hold her and walk with her to get her back to sleep when she wakes up in the night.   I really think that is my next step.  Our day feedings have become less and less.  She is obsessed with the boob though.  She talks about how much she loves them and she misses them when they are at work!  Lol.

[MujerMamaMismo]

We nightweaned at 14months using the Jay Gordon method and it was very successful for a month or 2 until a really nasty round of teething. The second time around, we established that I was the weakest link and I couldn't be a part of the process so for 2 nights I fed him at bedtime and went and slept at my mother's and was home at 6am to feed him again in the morning. My DP did the hard work - there was lots of screaming on the first night (all the while, cuddled, of course) and on the second night he woke up once and was easily resettled within minutes. It was miraculous! I felt bad leaving him like that but my mental health was really suffering and it needed to happen. Also as a birth doula, I needed to be able to feel ok about being at births at any time around the clock and I needed him to be ok about being night parented by DP.

If you're not familiar with Jay Gordon I definitely recommend you have a read of his method. If nothing else, it's a great starting point.

[MittensKittens]

Originally Posted by MujerMamaMismo 

We nightweaned at 14months using the Jay Gordon method and it was very successful for a month or 2 until a really nasty round of teething. The second time around, we established that I was the weakest link and I couldn't be a part of the process so for 2 nights I fed him at bedtime and went and slept at my mother's and was home at 6am to feed him again in the morning. My DP did the hard work - there was lots of screaming on the first night (all the while, cuddled, of course) and on the second night he woke up once and was easily resettled within minutes. It was miraculous! I felt bad leaving him like that but my mental health was really suffering and it needed to happen. Also as a birth doula, I needed to be able to feel ok about being at births at any time around the clock and I needed him to be ok about being night parented by DP.

If you're not familiar with Jay Gordon I definitely recommend you have a read of his method. If nothing else, it's a great starting point.

Would you tell me more about this? We've tried nightweaning (son is 2, we were in the same DDC I think!) but it is not going so great. I'm a single mother, and my single mom friends swear that nightweaning is only for those with a partner, mainly because of the crying the first couple nights. I've tried saying that mom needs sleep at night, and son can have water if he wants to. He is also unable to nap during the daytime without nursing to sleep - just doesn't take a nap at all, unless we go for a drive, then he will fall asleep in the car. My son has early childhood caries and perhaps nightweaning will contribute to his dental health - perhaps not, but I feel it is important to pay attention to those poor front teeth!

[MujerMamaMismo]

MittensKittens: Have you tried the Jay Gordon method that I linked? It is do-able on your own though it's a tough ask because there may be a lot of crying on the first few nights. Plenty of partnered mothers do it without the help of the other parent whether by choice, circumstance or partner's hopelessness!

I do think the key to every major transition is talking, talking, talking about the upcoming shift... For at least a week before you make the change. Even if they're no especially verbal kids, by this age their receptive language is really great.

Good luck.

[gingerandpickles]

There are so many ways you could get started with this. The Jay Gordon site and the book How Weaning Happens all have great thoughts.