Originally Posted by plum tree
I don't see anything wrong with hoping for a healthy child. What bothers me more is when people go into the u/s as if the only important information they get will be whether the baby is a boy or a girl. It doesn't even enter their minds that the u/s might actually find something wrong. THAT makes me cynical.
Or maybe I'm just jealous of being that worry-free.
My daughter was pretty healthy till she started stumbling at 3.5 years old. We still don't know much about what she has or how it will impact her life. She can't run. Sometimes she can't walk. Other times with her meds she walks just fine. Sometimes her hands shake pretty badly. I worry all the time. Because she was healthy and typical and this came out of the blue, I feel like I have a pretty good perspective on just how much you don't have to think about when you have a health kid v. how much you worry when you have one that has issues. I can't fault people for not REALLY knowing what it's like to get life-changing future-impacting news about your child - I certainly didn't get it till it happened to us.
We probably won't have another child for a whole host of reasons, but mostly because the one we have needs us a lot. I wouldn't love another child any less if he or she had special needs - it certainly hasn't made me love my daughter any less! But would I prefer that she be healthy and not have these challenges? Of course! Would I prefer to go to sleep at night worry free, like I used to? Yeah! Would I like to have her in tee ball and dance and all the other things she wants to do, all the things I had been telling her - when you're four, when you're four? Yeah. I am jealous of MYSELF pre-diagnosis. It was a whole other life.
When people say "as long as it's healthy" I don't think "otherwise, we'll send it back" is the unspoken end of the sentence. It just means, "we're not really hoping for one gender over the other, we really just hope the baby will be healthy." And does my heart skip a little beat when I hear that? And does my breath catch a little? And do I sometimes see a mom crossing a parking lot with her three or four perfectly healthy kids swarming around her and die a little inside? You betcha. But it's not because I love my daughter less or would trade her for a healthy child, it's because I miss not having to worry about things like will she be able to get across the parking lot without falling and I'm envious on her behalf of those children who can do something as common as walk without having to worry about falling with every step. I have envy in spades and it sometimes gets away from me.