been a year...

[aishamama]

Hi everyone,

It's been a year since I've posted here. I had a little one....and having another lol.  Anyway, I am not sure how many remember our issues, probably no one hehe.. I ended up taking my son to a Psychologist for his anxiety, fears, and all the issues. He could tell us right off the bat that he's gifted which is fine and not a big thing in and of itself. I already had this idea. He recommended we go through testing after a year when he's to start Kindergarten. Basically he told us that he processes more complex ideas though he's not quite ready to 'deal' with them in a nutshell. As far as helping him with his fears and anxieties, I put him in preschool to interact with other kids. It's been interesting. He thinks he's the one in charge and makes the kids listen to him read. I was mostly concerned with his physical development and play/socialization. The playground exposure twice a day has helped but we still can't get him on a swing or a basic ride. So we're leaving that alone. I'll just let him be in his comfort zone and offer like it's no big deal. He still covers his ears and vomits if he 'think' there might be something smelly. He's so similar to his cousin who has Autism yet my son doesn't have Autism. I once suspected a milder form of Aspergers. I still wonder. But he's functioning and I'm giving him some time and space. I am leaning towards thinking that gifted children can have some tendencies / traits in common.  I'm a little concerned about his speech. He really struggles to find words sometimes and stutters. Sometimes it's hard to get through a sentence with him and follow what he's saying. I know the thoughts are there running in his little head 90 miles/hr. He has eye contact though it's more like he's thinking so hard and explaining such a difficult concept while focusing elsewhere to explain it. I don't know if any of this makes sense or not.

I can't attribute the preschool to helping him as it could just have been his age and a milestone or two. I still feel afraid of a few things. The teacher discussed the fact that he's less clued in to others' emotions and a little distant. Yes I know that and is a concern. He's a standoff'ish kid. He gives us love and affection, though many times it feels like he hugs us like we're strangers and doing things of the niceties. But I know he loves us and his siblings. He's just not very comfortable with showing deep emotions for some reason. I feel sad because people are drawn to my 3 year old because he's absolutely loving and clued in whereas my 5 y/o isn't. My parents even tell me the 3 y/o is their boy. It hurts.  So, I'll probably revisit this with the Psych some time.

He thinks he's in charge and everyone has to listen to him or he gives them a lecture about how things are 'supposed' to go. He is so intense even when he's playing. He tries to relax I think but still...how much a can a kid in buttoned up long sleeve shirts tucked neatly into his khakis relax? He stands around with his hands in his pockets like a CEO. I was told to watch out for signs of OCD as it was a little bit too early to know for sure. And I have been working on making him understand that sometimes it's like this and sometimes it's like that. I literally have to start my sentences off that way because if I make a rule..it's a rule forever and it's torture to explain otherwise. Then he goes and tells the other kids this is the rule.

Anyway so now he's about to start Kindergarten but I'm going to do it through the K12 program at least for this year because I'm having a baby in June/July, there's a due date discrepancy. I talked to an advisor about the curriculum and he said that they assess 4 times a year and move according to the child's pace. So, that is good news so maybe they won't keep him in Kindy curriculum for too long. He went from mastering all the Biscuit books to I'm about about to check out books from the 3rd grade reading list from the library this week in about a year on his own.  He watched a documentary (and they make me sleep lol) on mountains about a year and a half ago. Maybe he was just 3 1/2 at that time I think. So the other day our road got covered in snow in such a short time that my husband couldn't get up the hill after picking him up from school early. While walking I could hear them talking and he said that he wanted to climb up the highest mountain and he continued to tell the story of Mt. Everest, Nepal, and then kept rambling onward to how islands are formed etc.. it was everything that had come in that documentary. I had forgotten about it. But he remembered every detail and the words associated with all of the events.  The other day he was drinking water through a straw and then somehow related it to water coming up from the ground and through the faucet and asked me about the process and why there's no dirt in our water. .. this was at 7am.. and I was like.. are ya kidding me? At this hour? I was trying to just keep my eyes open drinking my coffee.  He thinks he can build a rocket to get to Heaven lol.

So he's still this kind of kid. He's like the Alex from Family Ties. If I had to describe him, that's who I'd describe him as.

Does anything stick out as alarming to anyone?  I was thinking to make a follow up visit with the Psych to see how things have improved and where we need to work more on. So your input on the whole picture would be appreciated more than I can express. I was thinking that getting his IQ tested isn't that important. Anyone feel differently? 

[Tigerle]

Aisha, how funny - I had been thinking about your little boy recently, wondering what had become of you and why you never posted anymore. I remember your little boy created the most amazing drawings on his magnadoodle! I also remember his anxieties and possible sensory issues.

I share some of your concerns and wish I could have given my DS some time and space to grow. However, he was getting aggressive in preschool (he's always been somewhat aggressive at home) and is experiencing rejection from his classmates. Without these two concerns I doubt we would have sought an evaluation. We are currently in the process of evaluating for Asperger's and suddenly everything he does looks Aspergerish to me - something I would have liked to avoid...

Also, apparently 4 or 5 years is also very young in order to evaluate for Asperger's, another thing to consider.

Have you had the sensory issues checked out?

Edited for typos (DD on my lap was restless!)

Edited by Tigerle - 3/3/11 at 12:31pm

[aishamama]

Thank you so much for thinking of us. I just got so busy with the baby and then we traveled quite a lot. Then here I am again expecting and tired. So.. life has just been like this. He stopped drawing and started writing more. I expected his interests would fluctuate and thank goodness it was to something good. hehe.  

The Psychologist basically dismissed everything about SPD saying that he doesn't buy into it. We don't have a lot of options here. 

I'm trying to not look deeper though I feel worried for him. I can tell that if he keeps going in the same way he is now he'll find it difficult to get along with others. Wasn't Alex on Family Ties a lot to handle?  I certainly wouldn't be friends with him if I was his age. I try to tell him these things in a way that doesn't hurt his feelings but he's not getting it. I think this is what is more concerning..that he doesn't 'get' others' emotions or if he does doesn't feel enough regard for their feelings - though when I talk to him and coax him through something he rationalizes it and goes with what I say. 

Just out of my own curiosity I googled Alex P Keaton and I learned a lot about my own kid  =)   It was related to school adjustment of gifted children. Are we allowed to post links? If so, I'll follow up. I don't know how accurate it is, but it was interesting.

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles with aggression. What other concerns do you have? Does your son have similar issues? What does his teacher say about him except for the aggression part? 

[Tigerle]

It's all here:

http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1297674/update-differentiating-gifted-oes-intensity-sensory-issues-from-asperger-s-syndrome-btdt-advice

Warning: that thread gets somewhat depressing at times - I was very depressed at times posting in it. I am feeling somewhat better about the whole process now, after having been given wonderful support here and in the sn forum!

His teachers...meh. It's a public preschool (no other good options where I live) and the classes are huge (over 25 kids at the moment) and while I think they do like him, and one of them appeared to actually "get" him until now, they think that being rejected by the other kids will just teach him a lesson not to be obnoxious (until our psych consultation, I thought it might be sensory issues, the psych think his bothering, crowding, hitting and kicking is an Asperger symptom). While they do recognize he is cognitively and verbally advanced (duh, it's hard to miss) it is not an issue they are interested in as the preschool is playbased and socio-emotional development (ie do what you're told and play well with others) is all that counts at this age. They do not appear to realize that the development in one area may affect the other. He is actually not that much of a problem to them as he participates quite well as long as an activity is adult-directed. It is free play and transitions such as pickup he appears to have a problem with, so they are not even that interested in his misbehaviour, as it mostly affects his social relationships, not his overall functioning in the classroom.