Other people's rules

[milomama]

I am a SAHM to a 2-year-old and we spend a lot of time at the park.  We mainly see daycare providers there with groups of kids, and they are very vocal about their rules (they seem to be always yelling at one kid or another about something!).  There are a lot of things they seem to have a problem with that I let me DS do.  For example:

- They only let kids climb up the stairs (not down).  I don't see a problem with them going down stairs also.

-The park has lots of toys (trucks, shovels, etc).  They will not let kids take toys on the play structure.  Once again, I don't see the problem with letting my son play with a truck up on the play bridge.

-They don't let kids climb up the slide.  I tend to only limit this if other kids want to come down.

Do I have any obligation to follow the same rules when they are around and we are at the park?  what is the general "etiquette" for when you disagree with the rules of people playing in the same place as you?  They've never said anything to us.  Though a couple of the kids have told my son he's not allowed to have toys on the play structure...I just told the kids that it was okay with me for him to have the toy.

[elus0814]

I don't see the big deal with any of those things either but I can understand a daycare having rules like that as a form of crowd control. If kids are going up and down the stairs someone will eventually get knocked over. Toys on the play structure could block another's path. Going up the slide when lots of other kids are there would not be fair to those who are wanting to go down. 

I would feel no obligation whatsoever to follow their rules. You are a stay at home parent so, among other reasons, your children do not have to be in big groups with different rules and try to keep track of them all. That said, I wouldn't make a scene of it either. For example, it would make those kids feel bad if you were to say something to your child like "oh, that's ok for you, it's only those other kids who aren't allowed to do that". Just explain before you go what is ok and what is not. If another child tries to tell yours that they're doing something wrong just quietly tell your child that it's ok.

All that said, I really wish there were some basic 'rules' posted the way gyms post things like "please limit your time to 30 minutes per machine when others are waiting" and "weights must be put back after use". Although I doubt many parents would follow them. Here each neighborhood play area (we're on a military base) as two play structures. The smaller one is clearly labelled as being for 2-5 year olds and the other has a sign saying it's for 5-12 year old. Half the times we go to one there are big kids climbing to the top of the roof pieces on the smaller one and I have to tell my kids they can't play because I don't want those kids to fall on them and how those kids shouldn't be up there. I usually say it really loud so if they live nearby their parents might hear. Once a dad came out and made the kids get down but usually nothing happens. Another time I was so ticked and my kids were on the verge of tears because teenagers were all over both play structures that I pointed out the sign and told the kids they needed to leave (they were all obviously over 12). They refused and I got out my phone and said I was calling security forces and they're parents would be called. They ran. It was nice to be able to use the rules signs to get them to leave.

[Fuzzy Bee]

Well, DCP is in charge of those children and if parents didn't ask the right questions or make enough observations, it is not your problem.

Sometimes it is a good rule to teach children not to grab just any toy off the ground. My daughter picked up a ball and the owner, another toddler, came charging after her and shoved her down.

Originally Posted by milomama 

I am a SAHM to a 2-year-old and we spend a lot of time at the park.  We mainly see daycare providers there with groups of kids, and they are very vocal about their rules (they seem to be always yelling at one kid or another about something!).  There are a lot of things they seem to have a problem with that I let me DS do.  For example:

- They only let kids climb up the stairs (not down).  I don't see a problem with them going down stairs also.

-The park has lots of toys (trucks, shovels, etc).  They will not let kids take toys on the play structure.  Once again, I don't see the problem with letting my son play with a truck up on the play bridge.

-They don't let kids climb up the slide.  I tend to only limit this if other kids want to come down.

Do I have any obligation to follow the same rules when they are around and we are at the park?  what is the general "etiquette" for when you disagree with the rules of people playing in the same place as you?  They've never said anything to us.  Though a couple of the kids have told my son he's not allowed to have toys on the play structure...I just told the kids that it was okay with me for him to have the toy.

[Marsupialmom]

The down the slide up the steps one is the only one I would "battle" with my child. Kids are fast!! If there is another child in the part that was the rule, after my kid got feet in the face. It was an accident but it became a rule that I can agree with because accidents can happen so fast. Even if that other child is a distance, it only takes a moment.

I do think you need to ask yourself why they have these rules. Kids do throw things. Or take things that are not theirs. Or they find that when a child takes a car up to the play structure they sit/stand blocking the flow of traffic, get stepped on, or kicked in the head by another child trying to step/run around them. I would be mindful of what and how my child was playing with these other toys when others were around. Sometimes you should tell your child, there is just to many people around to play that way or tell your child if they want to play that way they need to find a low traffic area. -- we once went to a park were the mom's allowed the kids to spread out Pokemon cards and block the platform. I can still hear them say, "We were here first." It wasn't like there wasn't a pavilion or anything for the kids to do that (sarcasm). The day care could be concern with this behavior so they ban all toys verses trying to make a yes you can take a car and play that way but not this way.  

[crowcaw]

I see all the rules that you stated as addressing and/or heading off potential safety problems when there are groups of kids with limited adult management.  I also don't think they're unreasonable rules in such a situation.  At a playground under the circumstances you describe I would have my child observe the group rules, mostly to make it easier for the care providers.  Their kids are naturally going to do what they see other children doing so I think it makes their hard job easier and everyone safer if I have my child observe the same rules.  My dds already have different playground rules for when there are a lot vs a a few children on the playground and I don't think it's terrible to tell them they can't have their tea party in the middle of the structure bridge today because it would block all the other kids from crossing.

I have, however, never been to a playground where there is a group with rules that don't seem to have a rational purpose.  I don't know how far out it would have to be for me to not go along but I'm sure there is a point. 

[Susan Kunkel]

If the rules made sense to me then I would tell my boys to follow them. If they did not I would remind them of our safety rules. 

[sweettea87]

I don't see any reason to follow their rules. Is there a certain they go out there? I would try to go before they come or after. Maybe that way he gets a little bit of playing with other but then can play by "your rules" for the majority of the time. : ) Good luck! 

[pianojazzgirl]

I wouldn't feel obligated to follow those rules.  They are rules for the daycare kids, not general park rules.  I think the difference is that you are right there shadowing your kiddo, making sure he doesn't climb up the slide when another kid is about to slide down and making sure he doesn't throw/bonk other kids on the head/whatever with any toys he might bring on the playstructure, etc.  The daycare providers have a lot more kids to watch per person and can't be "on" each kid like that - thus the blanket rules to keep everyone safe.

[One_Girl]

I don't think you should feel obligated to follow any rules you don't want to follow.  I would personally call the daycare center and ask to speak to the supervisor or call after hours and leave a message complaining about the constant yelling about petty things creating a negative atmosphere in the park. 

[mamazee]

I don't feel obligated to follow other people's rules at the park.  My kids can climb up the slide and go down the stairs and all that, however if it's so busy that doing so disrupts use of the park, which can happen when a daycare full of kids shows up, then I tell them to wait to go up the slide or down the stairs until things have slowed down.

[karne]

I think that if you're in a situation where several children are using the equipment, you should use common sense.  Nobody likes to get bonked in the face by someone climbing the stairs in the opposite direction, and it's no fun to see a kid fall off a slide when they've been run into by another child coming down.  Kids, and accidents, happen really quickly, despite a parent's presence.   Courtesy and common sense don't seem to be unreasonable when you are sharing space.

 I was trying to imagine an adult scenario that would resonate.  I probably wouldn't run the wrong way up an escalator, expecting everyone else to move out of my way, to indulge my own sense of what the rules should be, and feeling OK about it because the folks on the escalator were a group of poorly tended senior citizens  Not a perfect analogy, but something along those lines. 

[ar2974]

Unless the rules seemed completely insane, I would have my child follow them because it's a nice thing to do - if other kids see something being done that is off-limits to them, they will likely want to do it too.  I live in a large city and learning to co-exist with big groups of people is something I emphasize with my children.  I have a rule about only going down the slide because if there are other kids there it is dangerous and I don't think it's fair when track dirt and water onto the slide. 

You are under no obligation to follow anyone's "rules".  If it makes it easier to play there when the daycare kids are there, I would though.

[Ella Enchanted]

That one daycare has one set of rules.  Another may have another.  If you constantly alter your rules to match the rules of others, your son will get confused!  One day he can take his truck on the slide, and the next he can't.  

Unless there's a good reason for rules (like only going up the stairs *when it's busy*), then stick to yours.  It'll be less confusing for him and easier to remember one set set of rules.

I had my daughter at the McDonald's Playland the other day, and another little boy there got really bratty to my husband.  My husband was with our daughter (she's 15 months old) staying close to her to make sure she wasn't knocked down and didn't fall.  The boy started yelling, "No babies!  She can't play here!" because his own toddler sister wasn't allowed to play there when he was playing hide and seek.  My husband was so stunned he actually brought our daughter back to me.  He didn't want her being yelled at, and didn't know to discipline someone else's child without someone calling security on the man around the kids.  So I took her back.  When the boy started in on me, I told him firmly and loudly, "You must SHARE this play area."  "But I want to play hide and seek and I'm playing here and she's a baby!"  "You don't own this area, you must share."  This went back and forth a few times until finally he left.  I wasn't going to let another family's rules limit my daughter's activities.  She wasn't hurting anyone, wasn't hitting, nothing.  

They can have their rules, I can have mine, you can have yours.