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are tantrums normal for a 14mo old?

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 

Our daughter recently starting having tantrums (throwing herself on the floor and lying flat in the "protest" position if we take away something dangerous, try to move her somewhere, etc.)  and I'm sure it's totally normal, but given how gentle we are with her (cosleep, wear her a lot, lots of attention, follow a lot of ap/unconditional parenting guidelines) I guess I thought maybe we'd avoid it? 

 

Is there anything ap-related or gentle parenting related to calm her or try to prevent this?  should we be doing something different, or is it just a completely normal phase?  we usually just try to redirect and that works pretty well most of the time. a few times we've just let her stew for a couple minutes to see if she'll calm down (she doesn't).   she's always been very strong-willed, as an infant she wanted to be held all day and would protest loudly if she was put down for a few minutes and she didn't like it.  at 6 months she decided no more crib (next to our bed) and screamed if put in the crib, but feel asleep happily in bed (and now (horribly) sleeps in bed).  but other than the tantrums, she's incredibly happy and snuggly and giggly and joyful, so maybe it's silly to even be concerned?

post #2 of 20

I have a 14 month old, too! Isn't this a fun age? So cute...

 

He gets frutsrated sometimes and starts crying. Or he'll just go limp and lie on the floor flopping around. He does this usually when he has tried to do something or figure something out and he can't. He'll also do it when he's tired or when we remove him from an area that's not safe or where he is causing damage.

 

I've found that distraction is the best to calm him down. Also, we taught him some signs so that he can communicate a little better. We never have to question whether or not he's hungry because he will "tell" us by making the food sign. Honestly though, at this age I think distraction is the best thing. Just get his attention off whatever is making him upset and get him interested in something else.

post #3 of 20

This all sounds, very, very, very normal to me.  You're on the right track with redirection and sometimes just allowing a few minutes to pass.  Remember to be CONSISTENT with what you're saying (or not allowing) and it will get better.  My 18mo has a lot less tantrums now than she did at 14mo.  There were a few weeks here and there where EVERYTHING was tantrum!  Once they know the clear rules and boundaries things get better.

post #4 of 20

Oh yeah, totally normal.  Everyone talks about "terrible twos" so I was shocked when my DD started throwing fits just after her first birthday.  She would get into these hysterical rages and anything I tried to do just made it worse.  We really just had to ride it out until she got it out of her system.  A lot of times I would have to put her in her crib while she threw a tantrum because she would throw herself down on the hardwood floors and if I picked her up she would try to backflip out of my arms.  So I would just put her in the crib and stay with her until she calmed down. 

 

By about 18 months things got a lot better.  Now she is 2.5yo and I honestly can't remember the last time she had a full on tantrum.

post #5 of 20
Yeah, AP and gentle discipline don't stop bad behavior. It just gives you different tools to respond to that behavior. wink1.gif
post #6 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by just_lily View Post

Oh yeah, totally normal.  Everyone talks about "terrible twos" so I was shocked when my DD started throwing fits just after her first birthday.  She would get into these hysterical rages and anything I tried to do just made it worse.  We really just had to ride it out until she got it out of her system.  A lot of times I would have to put her in her crib while she threw a tantrum because she would throw herself down on the hardwood floors and if I picked her up she would try to backflip out of my arms.  So I would just put her in the crib and stay with her until she calmed down. 

 

By about 18 months things got a lot better.  Now she is 2.5yo and I honestly can't remember the last time she had a full on tantrum.

 

What she said! I was shocked when my 13 month old son started throwing "all-out" fits.  We just gently relocate him to the carpet and let him get his frustration out while rubbing his back or just saying "Mommy/Daddy is right here" or "I know you are upset".  He is now 15 months old and the fits are decreasing drastically.  We have just started having "time-ins" where we remove him from play and have him sit with us for one minute (he can express himself in anyway he wants during this time except hitting others). When the time is up we get him engaged in a bonding activity to get him distracted from whatever got him frustrated in the first place! Hope that helps!
 

 

post #7 of 20

LOL, my little girl throws the cutest tantrums!  It's hard for me and her dad to not laugh.  We just let her tantrum it out.  Then she'll go play.

post #8 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ella Enchanted View Post

LOL, my little girl throws the cutest tantrums!  It's hard for me and her dad to not laugh.  We just let her tantrum it out.  Then she'll go play.


yeahthat.gif I know he's mad, but he is so cute. Usually he tantrums a bit and then we either snuggle or find something else to play with. The first (and by far the longest tantrum he's thrown) happened because he was tired and I didn't let him eat lotion. Oh the horror! yikes2.gif
post #9 of 20

Yeah totally normal. I usually just redirect or ignore at this age. I usually tell ds "Sorry but no......... Let's go do/read/play with this."  If he is persistent about the tantrum I let him work it out. He gets pretty mad every time he has the fridge closed on him. I swear he has exceptional hearing and knows just when the refridgerator door opens and comes running, LOL!

post #10 of 20

It feels reassuring to hear that others are facing the same issues. DD is one. If she doesn't get her way, i.e. watching a dvd again, she throws herself on the floor in protest. I was really taken aback when she did this for the first time. Redirection often works, she likes swiching on/off lights and forgets her disappointment. I am amazed how intense her emotions can be. But, on the other hand, she can be crying on the floor one minute and playing happily the minute after... Sometimes I can see she wants something really badly and I know she will get upset if she doesn't get it, but I feel I need to set boundaries sometimes. An example is the time she spends watching dvds, half an hour a day seems enough to me (we  don't watch TV). So it is not just saying no to protect her from harm, sometimes I say no because of my preferences/values - creative play is higher than passive watching, regardless how fab or educational the dvd content.

post #11 of 20

16 mo old dd throws some serious fits.  we call them "flarping" because she flips and flops and does the backbend-limp move while screaming.  fun stuff.  i have noticed, though, that the likelihood of the flarp depends on sleep status and those evil molars... she did a fit like every 10 minutes when the teeth were coming in last week.  we just tell her gently no for some things (like eating goat poop) and i rub her back or hold her while she screams (if she allows) or let her yell if it's something else causing the fit and she won't allow comforting.  we do help her express feelings when we can by saying stuff like "i KNOW!  You're mad because mommy and daddy wouldn't let you eat the goat poop.  you're so angry!  you're kicking your feet, is that making you feel better?"  that whole bit...

post #12 of 20

That's right at the age my DD was when tantrums started. For a few months, it seemed like all she did was scream at me, no matter how calm and gently I tried to be with her. Very frustrating. For her, it was just the frustration of learning to communicate. As she started learning how to talk, the tantrums really decreased. She was just really frustrated about not being able to tell us what she wanted. We did a lot of labeling during that time... figuring out what it was she was throwing a fit about, then letting her know that I understood her. Even if she still couldn't do/have what she wanted, she really just wanted to know that we understood her.

 

We still have tantrums, but now at 2 years old, they're power struggles more than anything else. Fun times....

post #13 of 20

I adore this age (my youngest is 15m) though the tantrums...goodness!  He bangs his head on the floor, wall, furniture, anything, whatever is nearest. He's been doing this for a few months. Actually all of my kids entered their terrible twos...at about a year old or just over. Then they entered terrible threes. With my oldest, he got better at 4 and keeps getting easier to reason with and make understand. My 3 y/o is a lot to handle with his attitudes and he tells me, "Mama I've got a tude."  Good stuff til at least 4 =)

post #14 of 20

DS is 14 months & does this now, too.  He'll head-butt the floor (it's carpeted & soft) will then stand up & hold the sides of his head with each hand like you would if you had a bad headache.  I can see that he bearly tapped the floor & it's very much for attention.  Or he'll just stand & run in place while yelling.  I just try to redirect him to do something else. 

 

Tantrums kick in at different ages.  With my youngest dd, she had it the worst around about 2.5-3.5 yrs but my oldest waited until she was 4 to pull out the tantrums. 

post #15 of 20

 normal.  I will say though, that making sure ds got enough sleep (extremely difficult for us at that age) made a huge difference in how many tantrums we got in the day. 

post #16 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by just_lily View Post

Everyone talks about "terrible twos" so I was shocked when my DD started throwing fits just after her first birthday.


It's a good reminder that the 'terrible twos' can start any time during a child's second year, not necessarily after their second birthday.
post #17 of 20

Oh yeah, my super-strong-willed dd hit the terrible two's at about 15 months.  She's 5 now and can still pitch a fit that could wake the dead.  For future reference, The Explosive Child is the best book about raising a strong-willed kid I've found.  Good luck!!!

post #18 of 20
Thread Starter 

good to know we're normal!  now if only she'd sleep more than 3 hours at a stretch....  :) 

post #19 of 20

My 12 month old has started throwing horrific temper tantrums.  I usually try to redirect when he doesn't get his way (i.e. when I don't let him climb the bookcase or chew on electrical wires.)  This is rarely successful, so I just let him be until he's done.  I'm not really AP, but my thinking is that he's allowed to be upset and I should respect those feelings.  That said, he doesn't win...mama does because it's for his own safety.  If redirection doesn't work, I basically ignore the tantrum.  I don't want him to learn that tantrums=reaction, that is that he can control us by throwing a tantrum.

post #20 of 20



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by marinak1977 View Post



The first (and by far the longest tantrum he's thrown) happened because he was tired and I didn't let him eat lotion. Oh the horror! yikes2.gif


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by hildare View Post

we just tell her gently no for some things (like eating goat poop)

 

No lotion?!  No Goat Poop?!  You people are awful mothers!  lol.gif

 

My little one gets pissed when I won't let her fiddle with the eletric outlets, or climb up the security gates on our french doors to the terrace, or if we lock the garbage cupboard.  It's so frickin' cute. The indignant glare and enraged head throwing. How dare you deny me these simple pleasures!

 

It is totally normal communication and as far as I can tell will continue until about three or four when they start to get real words...but then again my niece is almost 6 and she still rages with fists on the floor and pinching herself and screaming.  It's definitely not something you can skip over.  It's part of how they learn about emotions and how to handle them.


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by AboutPediatrics View Post



It's a good reminder that the 'terrible twos' can start any time during a child's second year, not necessarily after their second birthday.
 



 

Yep...distraction, empathy, and modelling are all good ways of handling it until you get through to  the other end when they are human again...then of course you have the fantastic fives and the tweenager stage and then adolesence to look forward to. orngtongue.gif

 

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