When you are feeling overwhelmed

[chase_mommy]

What do you do? 

I am not going to lie, I am pretty stressed these days and in turn I am not a happy momma.  I am less easy going and more snippy.  I hate feeling this way and I have to do something about it.

Here is my deal.  I have three children that are home with me all the time, my choice completely and I wouldn't change that for anything.  The past year has really thrown all of through a loop and with new baby we still, 9 months later, haven't gotten our groove back.  I am sure with summer things will fall perfectly in place but until then I am losen my mind.  My 7 year old has hit another 'I know everything' roll my eyes at you, mouthy phase while my 3 year old DD (who was potty learned for over a year) has recently decided that she is not.  She is now back in diapers after constantly peeing on the beds and furniture.  Then we have the new baby who rightfully so needs his momma, a lot.  I am being pulled in so many directions trying to met everyone's needs that mine have been sitting on the curb for a really long time.  I know I HAVE to take time for myself but thats the problem, time... there isn't enough for them, let alone me.  I am so stressed these days.  Baby has been extremely fussy the past few weeks, probably teething, its past time for that.  No amount of nursing, bouncing, playing or singing soothes him at times.  In those moments I feel myself crumbling.  It never fails in the middle of one his inconsolable cries DD finds a sharpie and colors wall/furniture or unloads a tube of lotion on her legs.  I try so hard to keep it all put up but she is sneaky... she plots, plans and waits.  Climbs on chairs to get things.  I could really do on and on here but for the sake on not writing a novel I am going to wrap this up.

When you are stressed, the kids are being crazy and the baby is crying all the time and sleeping very little... how do you cope? 

[greenmulberry]

I don't know but I have to say I am in that same place.

I only have DD, who is almost three weeks old and seems to be inconsolable with gas every night. I spent last night from 7pm to 9 am trying to see if I could just get her to settle for sleep, she had a few 20 minutes naps in between inconsolable fussing. I feel like I am losing my mind from sleep deprivation. I am trying elimination diets and any other tips I can find online.

I hope you get a break soon. I wish I could have a couple drinks.

[Terrilein]

I change my Facebook status to "Calgon, take me a way!", chuckle a bit and then try to move on. Sorry I'm no help, but hugs to you mama!

[Kuba'sMama]

I have 3 kids too, close in age to yours. I find if it gets crazy, 2 things help me out the most; Getting out of the house to a low-stress event (like a playdate with a close friend) or inviting someone that I like being with over to my place. Nothing like being the company of another mom, drinking coffee (or whatever), kids playing... things don't feel so bad.

I also enjoy the time when the kids go to bed and it's "me" time. The older ones go to bed at 8 and the baby does too usually. But if she won't, instead of struggling with bedtime for 2 hours and getting horribly frustrated, I just bring her out to the living room and keep her on my lap as I'm watching tv or hanging on the computer. She seems to get the "mom's off-duty" vibe I think, lol.

Hang in there, spring's comin'!

[chase_mommy]

Originally Posted by Kuba'sMama 

I have 3 kids too, close in age to yours. I find if it gets crazy, 2 things help me out the most; Getting out of the house to a low-stress event (like a play date with a close friend) or inviting someone that I like being with over to my place. Nothing like being the company of another mom, drinking coffee (or whatever), kids playing... things don't feel so bad.

I also enjoy the time when the kids go to bed and it's "me" time. The older ones go to bed at 8 and the baby does too usually. But if she won't, instead of struggling with bedtime for 2 hours and getting horribly frustrated, I just bring her out to the living room and keep her on my lap as I'm watching tv or hanging on the computer. She seems to get the "mom's off-duty" vibe I think, lol.

Hang in there, spring's comin'!

I use to get out of the house when there was only the two oldest but the baby HATES the car seat.  He screams and cries the whole way.  I have stop, take him out, nurse him, calm him down, pray I can get him back in without him freaking out and repeat as needed.  It is so stressful to take him anywhere I just don't very often.  A 30 minute car trip ends up being 1 to 2 hours and its totally not worth it in the end... especially since we have to make the journey back home.  Another issue, I just don't have friends here.  All my friends live in different states, while I do attempt to have some phone conversations with them its just not cutting it.  I was working on making friends (ie playgroups/homeschooling groups) but then I got pregnant, started having complications, had a preemie complete with NICU stay and well it just hasn't been possible lately.  But, I am hoping when illnesses are around as much we can get out more, or at least try to.  Untill then I have to figure something out, I am starting to lose it.

[momma22boys]

I'm with you. I have really felt like I'm about to loose it and my nerves are shot. I only have two kiddos ages 30months and almost 5 months. My 2 year old gets into everything and recently took a screwdriver to the wall stabbing it repeatedly....we rent...and I about snapped. It seems that if i'm with the baby he is off causing trouble and I have tried endlessly to get him to sit with me while I nurse...nothing works (short of having the t.v. on all day which is not an option it just makes him worse). I totally feel your pain. We go to the library for a lapsit program and that helps all of us. My 2 year old gets some socializing and so do I. It is hard with a little one that hates the car seat too....my little one was the same way...it got better when we put him in the convertable carseat as opposed to the carrier not sure why but its a thought. On the really bad days I let everything in the house go and focuse on meals and making it through the day and just tell myslef that tomorrow is a new day and it will be better. It helps just to type this out. I kmow its not the same as having face to face conversations but at least yoy are getting it out. We just moved and I don't know anyone yet either so this is all I have when I am about to crumble....we will make friends it takes time....hang in there and now that YOU ARE NOT ALONE we will get threw this!

[Snapdragon]

 can you put them in public school for a yr or two so you can get some time away from the older ones? I am sure you' have thought of that and have your reasons why you don't do that- what are those? are the schools bad where you are? can you put them in schoolfor a yr o r two and then resume unschooling when the baby is older?

[MacKinnon]

Oh mama! It's of little comfort, but I'm right there with you! Mine are 7, 4 and 6 months and this morning, I lost it over socks. Just lost it, they would not put on their socks! My seven year old was crawling around barking like a dog, the 4 year old was literally bouncing off the walls while making banging/bomb type noises and the baby was crying (and she managed to get her socks off!) because she was tired. I was very, very glad to go to work (once I made it out).

Things that help me-

• Taking a shower or going outside. When I'm at the end of my rope I will turn on the tv for the big ones, drag the bouncy seat into the bathroom and take a long, hot shower. Or, I will put the baby in the sling or the stroller, bundle everyone up and go outside. It's March in the Midwest, so it's a muddy, sloshy mess outside right now, but the big kids have fun. And I get a breather.
• Going somewhere, anywhere. Sometimes it's just the grocery store. I know you said car rides are bad, but really, we'll just hit Target. And wander around. Kids get $1 to spend. I treat myself to a coffee. I'm out $6 dollars. I'm not "shop for fun" person, at all, but we have very few places to go in the winter, so when we need to get out, sometimes it is the store.
• Calling someone just to talk. I rarely have time to talk, and until recently didn't have many local friends either. Calling just talk (ie complain) sometimes helps get it off my chest and breathe a bit easier.
• Sleeping and getting enough to eat. Another big issue for me is not sleeping or eating enough. I'm always trying to meet everyone else's needs and forgetting my own! It's shocking how many days I realize it's noon and I haven't eaten, or can't remember the last time I slept more than four hours. Eating good regular meals and catching up on sleep when DH is around makes a HUGE difference. One well timed PB&J or a 20min nap can save my day.
• Nap/rest time. Also, on the subject of naps... on rough days, we all pile into my bed and watch TV. I nurse/nap with the baby and the big kids cuddle and watch a movie. It's a special treat and reserved for those "OMG!" days when you just can't get through till 6pm.
• Volunteering. I wasn't good at making friends through playgroups, wasn't easy to find the right place to go, or to fit in with my alternative choices. But I'm a car seat tech, and I've made some good friends working events on Saturday's. DH stays with kidlets, I get out a bit. Which leads me to...
• Getting Out Alone! That is my BIG sanity saver. Leaving kids with DH (or having him take them somewhere) and getting an hour or two alone. I can survive a whole snow day alone, if I know I get to go out on Thursday night to get groceries By My Self.

I love my kids, I really, really do. But AP is intense in those early months, and Mom Sanity is critical for a healthy, functional home. Three kids has been a hard adjustment for us too. At first I thought I had it handled, but then, as time has gone on and the reality of juggling has hit me, I'm very drained.

And, I'm hesitant to add this, because I know it's not right for everyone, but my 7 year old is in first grade in the public schools. I know this isn't a choice for everyone, but for me, it's the right one. I need some space to be a good mom. If things were awful, I would pull her, but she loves going. She never asks to stay home, and we've had virtually no issues.

Hang in there!

[JFTB1177]

Just wanted to send some BIG HUGS! I am right there with ya mama! I have a 4 1/2 year old, a 23-month-old, and a newborn and my dh works a LOT! I love being home with them, esp the baby, and like you said I wouldn't change it for anything. But MAN does my patience get tested! I will say my 4-year-old is in Pre-K, so he is gone for 4 hours a day during the week and I feel like the worst mom to admit this (esp since he is actually a good kid) but I am SO THANKFUL for those 4 hours everyday, and honestly he LOVES going to school and is bored out of his mind when he is home all day. Next year is kindergarden and he'll be going ALL DAY- whoo hoo! Ok, just felt bad for saying that but honestly it really does HELP! My 2-year-old gets into EVERYTHING, he is a little tornado! My oldest son was not like that when he was 2, so this has been a shock for us! I mean my toddler will tear a room apart and then some. He's a sweetie, but he seriously makes me want to tear my hair out sometimes! And then of course I have the new baby, and while he's a *good* baby, we all know how stressful newborns can be, and how demanding esp when you are breastfeeding around the clock!\

I try to time things so at least one of them is napping at any given time, etc. My toddler takes a 3-hour nap every single day from either 12 to 3 or 1 to 4. My newborn naps off and on all day as newborns do. If my preschooler is not at school I try to keep him busy drawing/doing artsy stuff (which he loves), reading, or if I'm real desperate I'll let him play video games (before anyone yells at me, he doesn't play them for hours and they are educational). And yes, sometimes I just have to put on Nick Jr and walk out of the room! Right now is Survival Time the way I look at it... I've stopped trying to be the Perfect Mom and just try to do the best I can without completely losing it.

I second whoever said getting out of the house! Unfortunately I haven't been able to do that in a while since my car bit the dust and it has been taking a while to get it fixed. So we are kind of stuck here right now. But I do try to do some "adult" things to keep myself sane, like read some of a good book, watch a show I like (when I have time), talk to a friend, etc. It helps.

Just know you're not alone!! HUGS