How to deal with smoking relatives to avoid second hand smoke and third hand smoke

[bswen]

Hi all.  First post from a dad-to-be (in June).  My step-dad smokes a pipe in his house much of the time he is home and my mom still smokes a cigarette or two in their home as well.  I am preparing to talk with both of them about our decision to not visit their house with our baby girl.  While it is going to be a tough conversation I feel that it is my job as a parent to protect my baby and keep her from being exposed to a toxic environment when it is preventable.  While we might consider making exceptions for a special occasion, like Christmas, even then it will have to be a limited time, the house aired out and limited exposure to the surfaces of the house (third hand smoke is the infusion of toxins and carcinogens into carpet, furniture, clothes, etc). 

I know there are many of you who are in or have been in a similar situation.  Any advice or tips on how to get the best outcome from this conversation?  I know I need to make sure up front they know that this is not personal in any way and I have collected some resources to help make my case as objectively as possible and thought they might be useful to others here:

2nd Hand smoke
http://www.epa.gov/smokefree/healtheffects.html
http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/pediatricadvice/a/second_hand_smk.htm
http://no-smoke.org/document.php?id=212

3rd Hand smoke
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3040625/
http://caonline.amcancersoc.org/cgi/content/full/caac.20079v1

Study on beliefs about second and third hand smoke, abstract and full text:
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/123/1/e74
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/123/1/e74

Media coverage of studies:
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=what-is-third-hand-smoke
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/03/health/research/03smoke.html?_r=1
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/third-hand-smoke/AN01985

Thanks!

Brady

[mntnmom]

Make sure you emphasize how important their relationship to your daughter is. You need their help to keep her safe and healthy. Stand your ground. The decision is made. Presenting the research first gives the impression that this is up for discussion. Have the print outs or whatever available if they want to see them, but don't let it become a debate.

[bswen]

Thanks mntnmom, that's helpful advice.  I think you're right that I need to emphasize that the decision is made less than the reasons why, which I think I was focusing on too much in my mind as I am envisioning this conversation.