I've started dating again, and it's really confusing for me. Different than it was pre-kid for sure...not to mention, I'm more jaded and insecure now than before, and feel like my crazy might be making this harder than it has to be! I don't feel *in control* and *pursued* the way that I used to...and don't know if I really *want* to...but, I digress.
Â
I had a one night stand and a few meaningless dating relationships that fizzled out after a week or 2. And then now, there is this guy. We met online, both looking for friends and play dates...he has his kids about 3/4 time and was going crazy without adult interaction. Friendship turned into more after about a month of hanging out. So since then, he's come over one weekend night each week, when our kids are with their other parents, and it's been...awesome. Neither of us were looking for this, but it's sort of happened any way.
Â
The thing is...his life is chaotic. He is still roommates with his baby's mom (she is depressed and has a hard time coping with the kids for any amount of time (which I totally get. I lived that way with my DH for quite awhile and we only had ONE kid!) However, every minute he isn't with the kids (minus 2 weeknights when he goes out) he is working. The mom is planning on moving out in the next few months now that the kids are 2 and 3 and starting to become more manageable for her, but for now, she is around a lot which minimizes the time I can spend over there. He owns his own business and is very busy with that. His kids are very high energy and he's a pretty attached dad...and they are so close in age. Sweet kids, but I totally see how they keep him going, going, going all the time and I see how burned out he is, too.
Â
He says he likes me a lot, and wants to be with me, but feels like he's a crappy boyfriend because he doesn't have hardly any time. We IM/text a bit aside from playdates with the kids every other week or so (we have our kids on opposite days of the week usually), plus our one night a week together. He says if I want to date other people, he'd understand, because I have a lot more free time and he doesn't have much to offer and he'd rather keep my friendship than lose me altogether. And when I invite him over, we have an, um, without violating UAV...amazing time together. AMAZING. Life changing. Mind blowing. Intense and passionate in an emotional way, not just physical (though physical too.) And then we cuddle and talk for hours, until reality hits and he has to get home because his ex leaves for work at 4 am, and the kids will be awake at 6 am. He is sweet and intelligent and he loves his kids like crazy. We have so much in common and get along so well...when we have play dates with the kids, we are just this seamless team, and it feels so *right* even though it's only been a few months.
Â
The thing that bugs me is that although I *know* he is busy, I still feel he could take more time to at least talk with me--even if he can't make the 30 minute trip up here to visit more often (and I can't go there since there is nowhere for us to go...) Sonetimes he doesn't reply to an IM or a text for 24-36 hours (though I am in my twenties and he is nearly 40 so that could be a generational gap...) I mean, it doesn't take *that* long to answer, though, right? I asked him if he was giving me the 'I'm busy' routine because he just doesn't want a relationship, and asked him to be honest if he only wanted a  friends-with-benefits type relationship. He says he isn't, and when he is with me, I believe him, but when we don't talk for a day or two, I start wondering if he really wants this at all.
Â
Do you think he really is just REALLY busy? Should I hold out until the ex moves out and see how things are then? Or is he just not as into me as I am into him?
