Things We wish someone had told us.......

[saoirse2007]

in pregnancy, labor, and after...

I wish someone would have told me that there was not just one hole in the center of your nipple...like a bottle.

I was breastfeeding my son and I had no idea until I tried to squeeze milk out to get him to latch on and it came from holes all over my nipple....I freaked!!!!

I thought for a split second that I broke my boob.....

[sunanthem]

I wish someone would have mentioned the afterpains after a second child. WOW! I never had any with the first, it was a breeze, but that uterus trying to get back after a second one, yeowch!! I am already dreading the after pains after a third....

[bluebackpacks]

Originally Posted by saoirse2007 

I thought for a split second that I broke my boob.....

I laughed so hard, I choked.  Then I sneezed.

[akayerich]

Originally Posted by sunanthem 

I wish someone would have mentioned the afterpains after a second child. WOW! I never had any with the first, it was a breeze, but that uterus trying to get back after a second one, yeowch!! I am already dreading the after pains after a third....

Ouch!  I had bad enough afterpains after my first!  I didn't know it would be worse this time.   I actually wish someone would have told me about the afterpains even for the first.  I had a natural birth with no epidural, but wound up taking Motrin for the afterpains.  I was so miserable.

Actually, I wish I had been warned about how uncomfortable I'd be in general after giving birth.  Besides the afterpains, there were the tired muscles, the hurting when peeing or sitting, the sore nipples from breastfeeding etc. I was expecting to feel great, like people say you do if you don't have an epidural, but it just didn't work that way for me.

Oh well, still worth it :)

[spiritfreak]

I wish someone had told me that it's okay to tell someone your plans for birth/feeding/diapering/ etc and not having to justify them because it's 'not normal'. Well guess what, feeding my human child human milk is normal to me!!!

And I wish someone would have told me it's okay to voice my feelings and not hide them just to spare someone's feelings, When I was pregnant with DD, my mother in law actually rubbed, talked to and KISSED my belly without ever asking me if I was okay with it. I didn't say anything, but would try to hint every time I saw her by staying in a car, standing behind a counter, anything! She would wedge herself right in there and I just wanted to avoid confrontation. Finally I asked my hubby to say something around my 7th month. He did, and she came up to me later and said "S told me that you don't like that, but it's my grandbaby and I'll do what I want." All while smiling and laughing. Seriously. So I walked out the door and refused to see her until the baby was born! This time around, I will probably end up smacking her hand if it comes near my mostly-belly-fat-pregnant-belly and speak my mind from the get go!

[by-the-lake]

Originally Posted by spiritfreak 

"S told me that you don't like that, but it's my grandbaby and I'll do what I want." All while smiling and laughing.

Oh, my!

[~pi]

I wish someone had told me that even though I thought I would be fine with a wonderful midwife in a supportive role (alongside a ridiculously large medical team) I still could have really used a doula. Totally hiring a doula this time.

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by bluebackpacks 

I laughed so hard, I choked.  Then I sneezed.

Then I peed.

[lifeguard]

For some reason I believed that babies nursed every 3-4 hours. Ds NEVER went that long - not until well after he started solids (at 7 months). Once I accepted that very frequent feedings were normal for us I was much less stressed.

Also, I read so many times that if bfing hurt you were doing it wrong. I'm sure this is true for some (fix the latch & instantly it feels right) we never had a latch problem & the first few weeks were excruciating. Even at 28 months I still find bfing is stimulating enough that the idea of sleeping through it is ludicrous. Obviously nipple sensitivity is different for everyone.

[corrabelle]

My little list of things I wish I had been told:

 It's normal for:

• a newborn to nurse almost constantly for the first few days
• for your milk to wait at least 4 days to come in

• Just because you aren't pumping anything doesn't mean that the baby isn't getting anything
• for your baby to be a bit jaundice (I was basically bullied into giving him some formula to get the jaundice out of his system-which reaked havoc on my milk supply!)

• Nursing babies really should feed on demand-he's not using me for a pacifier-this is how your milk supply actually builds! (smacking forehead.)

Regarding Birth/hospital:

• It's not near as bad as the movies/media make it out to be.
• Pushing feels like pooping.-and it's dang sweet relief. For me it was the best part! (sorry if that's tmi!)
• It's normal to not want to be massaged or touched during labour, no matter how much DH is trying to be supportive and loving, there are other ways.
• Tearing a little bit isn't so bad. Stitching it on the other hand can make it worse. (depending on the tear.)
• Your baby will poop black stuff after it's born. I hadn't a clue-and thought something was terribly wrong.
• It's ok to drink while you nurse. (in moderation)
• When the nurses walk in to your room non-stop (if you're in the hospital) and constantly ask to "check your bum", or check this or that, or ask you questions,  it's ok to say "no, i'm tired,  not now, please go away." (I had this routine down pat with my second son.)
• It's ok not to swaddle your baby like a giant q-tip, and just hold him skin to skin the whole time you're in the hospital.
• You don't *need* to have a hat on your baby at all times.
• When people ask to hold your baby, if your uncomfortable, it's ok to say no.
• You will pee when you cough, sneeze or laugh, either for the next 3 months or possibly the rest of your life.
• Your stomach will look like half risen bread dough.
• things WILL return to normal "down there".

I'm sure i'll think of more tomorrow. lol There was a lot that I was unprepared for!

[emmaegbert]

I wish someone had told me a couple of things practical things before #1 that the HB MWs mentioned for #2:

-that I should oil my baby's butt up (with whatever- almond oil, olive oil, etc) before he started pooping that black sticky stuff (meconium) b/c then it will slide right off. Rather than scrubbing at his poor little but until it was practically raw!

-I also wish I'd know you can make herbal wash to put in your peri bottle and use everytime you go to the bathroom- rather than just plain water. So much better!

And yeah, BFing was pretty painful the first week or so, and then got much, much better. And that was with a great latch, great milk supply, etc.

[nicolian]

I wish I had known I would feel like all my guts had fallen out after delivery. I felt so weird and empty.

And I SO second the afterpains... they were awful the second time. I'm not looking forward to them the third time..

[spiritfreak]

Great list ladies!

I also wish someone would have told me I might go through 'mourning' after I have delivered a beautiful healthy baby, because it's no longer inside me. I was so terribly sad when I was no longer pregnant, even though I had a great delivery and very easy baby. In the first postpartum month I would find myself instinctively putting my hand on my belly and would realize it's flat(well, not flat) and that I wouldn't feel by baby kicking my ribs/bladder/organs anymore. Of course then I would pick her up and hold her and snuggle and nurse her and I would feel better.

I remember telling this to my former boss, and she said "I know exactly what you mean!! It's hard to adjust to, it's not just you!"

[emmaegbert]

oh yeah! I wish I knew that jaundice is very common and generally NOT DANGEROUS, and that it almost always goes away on its own. Was pressured into all this aggressive treatment for jaundice for #1 (though thankfully no formula/water supps). with #2, we nursed a lot, and watched her for any "warning signs" (lethargy, yellowing of the body below the nipples, lack of pee or poo), and she did fine with no treatment at all. Oh, and that you can get a photo blanket and treat baby with light therapy at home.

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by emmaegbert 

oh yeah! I wish I knew that jaundice is very common and generally NOT DANGEROUS, and that it almost always goes away on its own. Was pressured into all this aggressive treatment for jaundice for #1 (though thankfully no formula/water supps). with #2, we nursed a lot, and watched her for any "warning signs" (lethargy, yellowing of the body below the nipples, lack of pee or poo), and she did fine with no treatment at all. Oh, and that you can get a photo blanket and treat baby with light therapy at home.

This is what we did with ds. He did have lethargy (he literally would not wake up- in the hospital they tried all the "tricks" (getting naked, ice on the body, flicking the toes, etc) and nothing would wake him up), yellowing of almost his whole body, wasn't peeing or pooping (because he wouldn't wake up to nurse! We did even try bottles but he wouldn't wake up for those either), etc. They finally prescribed us a biliblanket for at home use and it was amazing that after a few hours he started waking up. Soon he was eating. He only needed the blanket for about 2 days and that was it!

But, yeah, nobody warned us to watch for jaundice! DS was born on a Friday, released on Saturday. On Monday I took him to my moms house (I was a nanny for her kids so I had to go back to work). My mom took one look at him and said he was way too yellow and needed to get it checked out at the hospital. How the heck was I supposed to know?! I felt like a failure and ds was only 3 days old He ended up going to the hospital every afternoon that week to get his levels checked and for the nurses (and my mom- she was a nurse manager at the hospital) to try and wake up ds to get him to eat, we saw a LC there too. Finally on Thursday they said it was too high and something needed to be done. We got the biliblanket that day, by Saturday night he was done using it.

[Leiahs]

Some really good lists here.

I might add something I haven't seen yet:  Nobody warned me about the postpartum night sweats!  After you have a baby, you also have to shed all that water weight that is so normal to gain during pregnancy.  And the change of hormones combined with that shedding of water weight means some *serious* night sweating!  Not uncommon for me at all to wake up with wet sheets and pillows, for at least a week straight.  It's a little disconcerting if nobody warned you beforehand!

[AKChix0r]

Two things so far:

1) No one told me about exhaustion. No one. I thought pregnancy meant nausea, maybe vomiting, and weird cravings. I was not told I would be sleeping 10-14 hours a day and that climbing stairs would make me feel weak and winded.
2) Why didnt anyone in my family discuss their births with me until now? I have heard such amazing, powerful stories from the women in my family! My gramma did hypnobirthing with MY DAD in 1961!!! My mom labored for 17 hours without drugs until they decided I was a C-section baby. I would have never been scared of giving birth had I known all this!

[Amy May]

I have been surprised about all the emotions of being pregnant.... My husband and I have a great relationship, but at times I felt like we had to start from square one and get to know each other again.  Suddenly, I need all kinds of emotional support and validation, and it took us both a little bit to adjust to new dynamics.

[AKislandgirl]

Nobody told me about pooping afterwords. I didn't have to go for days and then it hurt (I had stitches from tearing). I ended up taking a stool softener for a week.

[miami mommy]

Originally Posted by AKislandgirl 

Nobody told me about pooping afterwords. I didn't have to go for days and then it hurt (I had stitches from tearing). I ended up taking a stool softener for a week.

  Nobody told me anything about what was to come after giving birth. The afterpains, how rough it was going to the bathroom, that I would feel like I'd been hit by a truck, that it would have a hard time catching my breath b/c my lungs needed to readjust to having all the space they needed after being squished for months. Plus, my DS fractured my tailbone on the way out, so I couldn't sit normally for a couple weeks. When I got up to use the bathroom for the first time after giving birth, it felt like I was in someone else's body. So this time I'm going to just plan to lay in bed as much as possible for at least a week. And for anyone planning to do a hypnobirth, those techniques come in really handy for the afterpains, too.