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Things We wish someone had told us....... - Page 2

post #21 of 52
I wish someone had told me I could ask for a mirror to watch ds being born. I'll be asking at a prenatal appt whether they have them at this hospital.

I wish someone told me to rest for at least a week after the birth. I was back to work 3 days after the birth (ds came with me). I went right back into work and housework immediately. My ex was a loser and refused to do anything other than smoke pot and play video games. This time I am "off duty" for a week, at least. Dh is wonderful and I have no doubts that he will pick up the slack for as long as needed.
post #22 of 52

I wish I had known more details about how "breastfeeding will be hard in those first few weeks".  So many people had told me it would be hard, but I assumed that meant exhaustion and sore nipples.  I was totally unprepared for having supply issues, which are far more common than I knew (1 in 20 women have sufficient enough supply issues that they *cannot*  I had read _The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding_ before birth and was left with the impression that "supply problems are vanishingly rare" and that nursing on demand is always enough to have an abundant supply.  This is just not true.  Other moms I know had latch problems, oversupply, thrush, tongue-tie / weak suck problems, vasospasms, excess lipase... there is a wide variety of potential problems - and nearly all of them are solvable, but you can feel like the only woman in the world who can't breastfeed and that you're failing your child when something goes wrong.  I felt like I had been bombarded with overly simplistic messages about what breastfeeding entails without details about what various challenges look like, when they typically become apparent, and how to get help.  Kellymom.com is an amazing resource and was a lifesaver for me.

post #23 of 52

I wish I had known about high-needs children...my third was high-needs and it completely tore my nerves up and it took 6 years or so before I even thought about having another baby. She was about 5 or 6 months old before I even know what high-needs meant. I'd never met anyone who had dealt with it before.

 

Most things that were not so easy with #1 turned out to be so not an issue with the rest of the babies. The mastitis that I stopped breastfeeding #1 with was so easy to treat and deal with for the next two babies so I was not a failure at breastfeeding after that first one. I guess I'd say besides learning about high-needs, I wish I had known how to handle mastitis with my first baby and not been so embarassed to use cabbage leaves. Cabbage leaves saved me with the next two babies, didn't even use antibiotics. At least I could have nursed part of the time when I had to work after she was born.

post #24 of 52
I wish someone had told me warning signs to watch for to make sure the kid is developing on schedule. Looking back I can see many of the first signs of ds's autism, even from infancy. But at the time I was oblivious and thought those things were "normal".
post #25 of 52
Uh, I wish someone would tell me how cabbage leaves are used and for what. headscratch.gif
post #26 of 52


Steph- great point about taking time after birth to rest.  If our uterus were on the outside of our body, then nobody would allow a woman who had given birth to even lift a finger for at least a week.  There would be a bleeding and oozing open flesh wound (sorry so graphic) the size of a dinner plate on her abdomen where here placenta had been.  So even if it is inside our body, there is still a ton of healing and recovering that happens after birth. 

 

My wish is that all women have the support enough to spend a week in bed after birth, doing nothing but being pampered and falling in love with their new baby.  Steph- I hope you have this experience this time around!

Quote:
Originally Posted by StephandOwen View Post

I wish someone told me to rest for at least a week after the birth. I was back to work 3 days after the birth (ds came with me). I went right back into work and housework immediately. My ex was a loser and refused to do anything other than smoke pot and play video games. This time I am "off duty" for a week, at least. Dh is wonderful and I have no doubts that he will pick up the slack for as long as needed.



 

 

post #27 of 52
Thread Starter 

I wish someone had told me that you do not have to wake up a healthy full term baby to feed it every 2-3 hours!!!!!!!!!

 

Jack Newman snipped my daughters toung-tie and when he was asking me about her nursing....I told him that she slept 5 hours after her very first feeding and 5-7 hours a night....and b'jesus if I was going to be waking her!

 

He said there was no reason to wake her...she was 8lbs 9oz at birth and growing :)

 

I threatened the nurse in the hospital who tried to wake her!!!!!

 

wish I had known that for my 1st!

post #28 of 52
Keep this going ladies! I am learning so much! I thought I had to wake up every two hours to feed the baby and I was trying to figure out how the he'll that was going to work! Lots of good advice in here for us first timers!
post #29 of 52

I wish I had known that I didn't have to open the door every morning at 9 for a week so my visiting in-laws could be admitted to the house and seriously bum me out for the whole day until 9.30 at night, when I would go to bed and they would still be arguing politics with DH. What was I thinking? What were they thinking? Leave me alone with my shirt off so I can nurse in peace!!!!

post #30 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by RosemaryS-F View Post

I wish I had known that I didn't have to open the door every morning at 9 for a week so my visiting in-laws could be admitted to the house and seriously bum me out for the whole day until 9.30 at night, when I would go to bed and they would still be arguing politics with DH. What was I thinking? What were they thinking? Leave me alone with my shirt off so I can nurse in peace!!!!



For those who anticipate this being an issue, here's what I plan on doing. I will make a sign. On one side will say "Welcome! Please come in!". The other side will say "Mama and baby are resting. Please come back later". We shouldn't get too many visitors at our front door, but MIL and FIL know our garage code so they just enter through the garage. This sign will go on the door in the garage that enters into the kitchen. Yes, it is specifically for MIL who I anticipate will be beating on my door 10 times a day.

post #31 of 52

oh yeah, I love my babymoon times... I stay in bed as long as I can. such love.

post #32 of 52

OH another thing that new moms might not know, or if someone isn't planning one for you, it helps if you ask your close friends and family to stock your freezer with easy meals you can just pop in the oven on nights when the family needs to be fed, and you just need sleep and food and babytime... frozen soups and casseroles work well.

post #33 of 52

I wish someone had told me that if you have ever been sexually assaulted, even if it was ages ago, you had dealt with it, recovered, and feel totally over it, body memory can be intensely powerful during birth. It would be smart to tell your care provider. (It never occurred to me that it might be an issue. In retrospect, duh.)

post #34 of 52

I wish someone had told me that things can be going great and you can be near your due date with zero complications, and then -- WHAM! -- get smoked by pre-eclampsia.  I was so surprised.

 

I'm nervous about these afterpains everyone is talking about ... do you mean right after?  Like after delivering the placenta?  Or days later?  I didn't have anything like that last time.  Yikes!

 

I also wish someone had told me how wonderful pushing is.  It was such a relief!

 

I wish someone had told me that it is possible to not have enough milk to provide for your baby.  I wish someone had told me about the Lact-Aid supplemental nursing system before I struggled with the stupid Medela SNS and ended up throwing it across the room and then making DP collect it and put it in the woodstove. 

 

I wish someone had told me how important it is to have a support network nearby.  I missed my mommy!

 

post #35 of 52

I don't know if this was the case for everyone.. but my clitoris hurt, bad, after delivering. It hurt longer than it took the rest of me to heal and still hurts once in a while. It's a sharp pain.

post #36 of 52

yes yes yes first time mamas, have a support network ready. however badass and self-sufficient you are, the first couple of PP weeks are NOT the time to prove it. Dinners in the freezer, people to drop off food, let the laundry pile up or let someone else do it! get a maid or PP doula if you can afford it. have relatives or close friends on call to help you. have the numbers of some lactation consultants hanging on your fridge before you give birth.

 

you DO NOT FEEL NORMAL AT 6 WEEKS. Its more like you don't feel like you've just been run over by a truck. I didn't really feel "normal" until about 6 months (maybe halfway there by 3m). I say this though I was back to my normal life pretty quickly... its more about my own expectations for myself. My mom clued me into that one- she was like, "don't think b/c you have your PP checkup at 6 weeks that means your body is healed from the pregnancy and birth", and it was very true for me.

 

And... people tried to tell me but I couldn't really understand until it happened... the shock (almost trauma) to my sense of myself- that massive change in my own identity- that was very hard. I loved my baby to pieces, and I did not at PPD, but it was hard. I felt sometimes isolated, angry, overwhelmed. Like on a daily basis. When I finally made another mom friend (IRL) it made a big difference for me- I no longer felt so crazy! 

 

post #37 of 52

Afterpains only hit me when the baby nursed. This lasted 2-3 days for me, worse with each baby. By baby 3 it was like having contractions everytime the baby nursed. But it doesn't last long! I barely noticed it after my first baby. I had painmed-free births but I wanted(and took) some ibuprofin during the afterpains with #3.

 

Nicolian-!! Ow! Maybe your clitoris had a tiny tear unnoticed by the OB? I've never heard of that issue! Did this happen with each birth?! I don't know how well I could handle that one! Did a doctor or anyone try to help any with that?

post #38 of 52


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by baby.fatty View Post

I wish I had known more details about how "breastfeeding will be hard in those first few weeks".  So many people had told me it would be hard, but I assumed that meant exhaustion and sore nipples.  I was totally unprepared for having supply issues, which are far more common than I knew (1 in 20 women have sufficient enough supply issues that they *cannot*  I had read _The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding_ before birth and was left with the impression that "supply problems are vanishingly rare" and that nursing on demand is always enough to have an abundant supply.  This is just not true.  Other moms I know had latch problems, oversupply, thrush, tongue-tie / weak suck problems, vasospasms, excess lipase... there is a wide variety of potential problems - and nearly all of them are solvable, but you can feel like the only woman in the world who can't breastfeed and that you're failing your child when something goes wrong.  I felt like I had been bombarded with overly simplistic messages about what breastfeeding entails without details about what various challenges look like, when they typically become apparent, and how to get help.  Kellymom.com is an amazing resource and was a lifesaver for me.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by starling&diesel View Post

I wish someone had told me that it is possible to not have enough milk to provide for your baby.  I wish someone had told me about the Lact-Aid supplemental nursing system before I struggled with the stupid Medela SNS and ended up throwing it across the room and then making DP collect it and put it in the woodstove.

 

I was completely and totally caught off-guard by having very low supply.  Everything I had read made it seem as if it was totally impossible to not have enough supply if you just tried hard enough, but I learned the hard way that it does happen.  As if I wasn't an emotional wreck already from being post-partum!  I wish that I would have gone to see the LC after the 1st week's weigh in instead of waiting til her weight went up after supping, stopping supping & seeing it drop again.  That LC took one look at me & told me I'd never EBF.  Anyway, I'm totally trying the Lact-Aid this time around, cause yeah, the SNS kinda sucks.

 

Also surprising to me, the amount of BLOOD, and that you can tear forward (fun times)

post #39 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by spiritfreak View Post

Great list ladies!

 

I also wish someone would have told me I might go through 'mourning' after I have delivered a beautiful healthy baby, because it's no longer inside me. I was so terribly sad when I was no longer pregnant, even though I had a great delivery and very easy baby. In the first postpartum month I would find myself instinctively putting my hand on my belly and would realize it's flat(well, not flat) and that I wouldn't feel by baby kicking my ribs/bladder/organs anymore. Of course then I would pick her up and hold her and snuggle and nurse her and I would feel better.

 

I remember telling this to my former boss, and she said "I know exactly what you mean!! It's hard to adjust to, it's not just you!"



Oh, yes. I wish I had known about that, too.  I almost cried when it was time to put the maternity clothes away.  I loved being pregnant (once I got past the first trimester, anyway), and even though I loved having my baby outside, I missed him being inside.  And it wasn't about the difficulties of having a newborn.  He was actually easier as a newborn than he has ever been since.  It was more about that wonderful time in my life (pregnancy) being over, I think.  And a touch of weird baby blues hormones, too, I guess.

 

post #40 of 52
I wish someone had told me that many women end up having vaginal pain with sex after giving birth. I lived in pain trying to have a "normal" sex life with my DH for six or more months! It hurt so badi would cry afterwards and DH would feel awful. Finally, I made an appointment with my OBGyN and fessed up. She thought it might be that my vagina wasn't getting enough estrogen? She prescribed an estrogen cream but that didn't work so a month later I went back. She checked again for any tearing that might not have healed correctly. Nothing. She said her last idea was to go to physical therapy! What? Physical therapy for my damaged vagina? Well, I went, in shame really. The PT was AMAZING! She let me know that this happens to lots and lots of women but we just don't talk about it with each other. I had to insert these tampons-like things inside me each night and do kegel exercises. Each week for about two months, I went back to PT and she would help me insert the next size up. She said that when you give birth, the pressure on our vagina is similar to that of a football player getting tackled on the field. Ouch! No wonder I had issues!

I lvoe reading all these! Brings back a lot of memories!
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