Any mom's of an only go Back and Forth on wanting a second and not?

[Snapdragon]

anyone want to talk about being pretty sure that you want to stick with only having one child, but then these huge waves of desire for another creeping up on you? I would like to see if others are going through this! I love the idea of keeping 11 month old ds as an only for many reasons. Some of them are: I like peace and quiet as much as possible (lol!), I like the idea of having time and space in my life for a bunch of other things, I like the ease of life it could present, I had a child in my late 30's, I like the idea financially of having money to do other things- to send ds to private schools nd travel etcetera, I like the idea of having two parents to one child- having him be the center of our attention. I tend to be not that motivated of a person all the time- I like to rest and relax as much as I can- I am not a "busy " person- and I find that taking care of one plus life's other responsibilities keeps me busy enough with some times for a break now and then.

so then there are these times when I
 ovulate where I get a massive craving for another new baby. then that passes. So recently I went through that, and then again I have settled back into being super happy with having just one. Even to the point of feeling overwhelmed for my friends who are recently adding # 2! Like, thinking how much easier one must be than two. The tongiht I see some pictures of a friend's new baby and wham! I Am like- oh- that is amazing! Maybe we do want one!

anyway- just wanted to create a thread to hear other people who also have similar feelings just simply because I think it is fun to talk about.I think ultimately we will stick with one as for me those cravings do pass.

[swd12422]

Me! DS is 3. When he turned 1, I was ready for #2, but we knew we needed to wait a bit. (I was overwhelmed, and honestly really terrible at the infant/early toddler stages.) Now I feel ready, but I'm "old" and DS is doing so great that I'm not sure I can/want to face going back to sleepless nights and the frustrations of constant redirecting. (And then I think that since I've been through it AND survived, that I'll handle it better now that I know what I'm doing, but...)

So yeah, big time waffling over here! I'm pretty sure we're done, but I haven't gotten rid of ANYTHING yet.

[shanniesue2]

OP, I'm like that.

DS just turned 3 this week :)  And I know that I don't want any more (at least for another 2-3 years, if ever).  And there are so many reasons why:  my personal energy/motivation level, financial, more freedom in the schedule, marital issues, traumatic birth issues, etc, etc.

On the other hand, I just held a newborn baby last weekend and practically swooned.  I talked to a pregnant colleague today and missed that feeling of baby moving inside my belly.

But I always come back to the reality of what having another child would mean for us(especially right now).

[NiteNicole]

My daughter would love a sibling.  When my brother and SIL announced their third baby was on the way, she got so sad and said, "But (the girls names) already HAVE a sister and I don't have ANY!"  She was four.  I feel really really bad that this isn't something I can do for her.  I'm very close to both of my siblings.  Many of my friends who are onlies talk about feeling lonely as children and being worried about dealing with their aging parents all alone. 

At the same time, I adore my daughter but she was a difficult baby.  She cried and threw up for the first year.  She has had various (and ongoing) medical issues that take a lot of my energy and our financial resources.  We don't know what caused them so we have no idea if another child would have the same issues.  I don't know if my marriage would survive another high needs baby.  I'm thirty eight and I have chronic (treated with meds) high blood pressure.  Our insurance blows.

I feel sort of...deficient...that we can't just have more kids and suck it up like "normal" people.  How are we so easily overwhelmed by something most people handle just fine?  But it is what it is and we are who we are.  I know in my heart if we had another, we would make it work and I'm sure we'd love that child as much as any "planned" baby but - from here, with no actual baby to think about - it looks hard.