I'm ready to be done with bed-sharing :(

[Lisoula]

Let me preface by saying that I LOVE co-sleeping.  The closeness, the ease of breastfeeding, the feeling of security of knowing right where the kiddos are.....love it.  But after almost 9 years of having at least one if not more darlings in our bed, I am very tired.

My DD has not breastfed since she was a little over 3.  She turned 5 in October, and I feel it is now time for her to sleep in her own room.  Although she is still fairly tiny, I just can no longer sleep well with her beside me.  I have tried re-decorating her room "her" way to make it more special, talking about becoming a big-girl and having a big-girl room, etc...  but she still either screams her head off from the start, or falls asleep but comes into our room crying within a couple of hours.

I'm sure this has been asked a MILLION times, but how do I go about transitioning her to sleeping alone in her room?  She will start kindergarten this fall, so I would like for the transition to be done by the summertime so we can get into a decent routine before school start.

[ssh]

Does she have night lights? Is her bed as or more comfortable than yours? Does she have something for white noise like a humidifier? Does your DD sleep all night when she sleeps in your bed?  My DD decided she liked her bed in her own room better right after turning four. She had recently gotten a couple of cool nightlights and soft plush animal pillows. The ILs gave her a waterbed mattress, the kind with coils inside that looks like a regular mattress. So her bed is more comfortable than ours. When she first started sleeping in there one of us read to her until she was asleep. Then we'd read abit and sit by her until she was asleep. I started leaving the room, promising to come back and she'd fall asleep while I was out of the room. Now, a year and 4 months later, I just tuck her in, bring her water, she goes to sleep and she sleeps for 10 hours.   When she does wake up she wants someone to come to her because she liked her bed better. It doesn't happen often.

I really don't know how to transition a child because we'd always planned to let DD decide herself. Actually I was expecting her to co-sleep abit longer or to come to back to our bed sometimes at night. Maybe it went so smoothly because it was DD's idea. On the other hand 9 years is a really long time. We only co-slept 4 years and 3 days.

[Thandiwe]

That is tough; I can relate.  I've had several kids in my bed for nearly 6 years now.  Moving the kids out of our bed has been a gradually thing in our house.  Some things that have helped have been a definite bedtime when they go to bed without us and *have* to go to their bed, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.  They have to start there.  We recently moved a futon into our bedroom just a foot from the end of our bed, so they know they have to start in their room, then move into our room on the futon if they wake up.  Honestly, I think the biggest thing in our house has been giving our oldest two their own rooms, and watching from a distance as they willingly choose to sleep together in one or the other room.  It seems like that drove the two of them to a closer bond where they more willingly stay together in one of their rooms.

((hugs))  It is tough.  I feel for you.  It is the best, by far, being an attached parent, but sometimes it is very difficult on us as parents.  I hope you find your way through a solution.  With my oldest, being firm and telling him he has to go to his own room, kindly but firmly, has helped on occasion in the past.

[D_McG]

Originally Posted by Thandiwe 

With my oldest, being firm and telling him he has to go to his own room, kindly but firmly, has helped on occasion in the past.

That's kind of where we ended up, too. Although he was much younger (2 when we insisted on 'some' time with him in his own room. 4 when we insisted on 'most' time with him in his own room). It was a kind of a perspective thing. "This is how it is, yes I know you're sad but it'll be OK. Trust us, it'll be OK." And it was But nothing was changing until WE were certain that it was the way to go.

[Thandiwe]

Originally Posted by D_McG 


  But nothing was changing until WE were certain that it was the way to go.

So true! 

[Lisoula]

Thank you for all of your support & suggestions!  I really appreciate it.  I think we're going to start the process in a few weeks....gotta get her room "ready" first.