Worried about co sleeping with 3 week old

[greenmulberry]

I never planned on co sleeping. I have a crib and a bassinet, was planning on having DD sleep in bassinet next to me in bed and then transition to crib later.

She had other plans. She will not sleep in that bassinet. I am going insane from sleep deprivation.

I try every night to get her down in that bassinet, and every night end up moving her into the bed with us to nurse. I nurse side lying and we fall asleep that way. I am so worried about squishing her in the night! She tends to squirm up very close to me and I did wake once with her face smashed into my boob.

How do you get over the fear of squishing the baby? We have a king size extra firm latex mattress, and I take away all the pillows around her and only put the covers up to my waist, but I just worry so much that this isn't safe.

Obviously you all feel this is pretty safe, or you wouldn't be here. I think I might just have first time mom paranoia, but I am so worried about her safety, I even had a dream I hurt her in our sleep.

I know I could read some books on the subject, but I don't think that is going to happen given how little time I have these days! Can someone calm my fears?

[WifeofAnt]

Can you get her to roll onto her back when she comes off the breast?  Sometimes DS and I sleep with him nestled up really close to me on his back while I'm on my side facing him.  He still gets the closeness but has plenty of breathing space.  If he's on his side and ends up too close he'll arch his back to get some space and I wake up.  The only time he couldn't self-correct he had accidentally rolled onto his belly (he was swaddled, last time we did that!) and I woke up immediately.  I was so terrified I didn't let him sleep on his side for a week.

Another tip that helped me is to take one nap at the same time as the baby in the afternoon for the first month.  It probably won't be as easy once we have more than one but I always felt so refreshed.

[jessica_s]

This is probably way too long to read all at once when you sleep deprived but it's a really great article 

http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/articles/McKenna_why%20babies%20should%20n.pdf

You can read more from James McKenna on the Sleep Lab website here http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/index.html

If it helps you any I work with *a lot* of moms who never plan on co sleeping (or sleep sharing more accurately) and end up doing it because it's the only way to get sleep. Your very smart to seek out more information so you can feel confident with it! 

[mkksmom]

Honestly, I never did get over it with my little babies. I waited until daylight after I knew I was just dozing and not sleeping soundly to bring her in. I felt like being sleep-deprived was similar enough to being intoxicated. I did fall asleep with them in my bed, but never felt comfortable with it. I wanted to be within arms reach, but in our own separate spaces. My second was like your LO, and she never slept well in our cosleeper. I finally gave up and moved her crib right next to our bed. It made a huge difference. I could still reach in and put my hand on her to settle her, but I felt like she was safer that way. Now, with both of my girls, I felt OK to bring them in bed more and more around 11 or 12 months. I have the crib mattress on the floor right next to my mattress and I feel pretty good about that set-up.

[motherhendoula]

When my LO was that little - i was concerned about having him in the bed with us - i didnt think i would be! - but the reality of two plus sized parents in one bed with an 8 lb baby was nervewracking for me -

so i started to nurse him in a semi-sitting upright posture...pillows against the headboard/wall  sort of thing, and then just rested the baby on top of my chest - i got more sleep that way, and it was just like i was holding him all night long. 

I also echo the nap with baby - we have a recliner that is great for this purpose...and truth be told - i still do it a few times a week!

[Cujobunny]

I do the semi-sitting position sometimes too. I was in your position with my first, it was so frustrating! Until he got older and I was more comfortable with him in my bed. With my second, I strictly coslept- she wouldn't sleep in her bassinette, not once, ever. Now I have my third and we sidecarred the crib but he still sleeps snuggled up to me or on me. He's almost 2wks old. My plan is to eventually and gradually introduce him to his own space but it at least increases the amount of space in the bed & ensures he won't fall out or get stuck if I had just put on a bedrail.

My ped just gave us this handout & I thought it would be very useful to first time cosleepers.

http://www.babyfriendly.org.uk/pdfs/sharingbedleaflet.pdf 

[Thandiwe]

I, personally, never got over that fear.  Even after having 4 newborns, I still was paranoid on that fourth one.  ((hugs))  Follow your instincts and intuition.  It is very tough when you're so sleep-deprived.  There was one time when I awoke to our cat lying on the baby when he was a couple of weeks old, and the baby was squirming under him.  Baby was lying right at my side, thank heavens!  I thought I would kill the cat that night.... After that we started locking him out of the room. 

I will say this: I know my body is very in-tune with my babies.  Just like the incident I just cited, each time something has happened and a blanket has shifted over baby, etc, I have woken up.  That's not to say accidents can't still happen, but I find that, provided you're following safe co-sleeping parameters, mother's intuition often keeps you very in touch with their breathing and needs.

[greenmulberry]

I just went ahead and started the night with her in bed with us. It went pretty well. One thing that is hard for me, is I am recovering from a surprise c section after being on restricted activity during my pregnancy, and I am so very very out of shape and still sore where my incision is. This makes it harder for me to be comfortable in one position for a long time. I find I seem to instinctively adapt the side laying posture that was in the brochure noted above, but occasionally in the night I have to flip on my back for a while just to give my aching joints a change of pace. So we just laid side by side on our backs for a while until I was able to curl around her again and sleep.

But I flipped her on her back after nursing and didn't have any scary episodes. She seems to stay put once on her back.

[MamaBell]

Hi there I just wanted to say my DD was in the bed side sleeper for the first 5 nghts. After that I'd have DH put her there when I would fall asleep then when she would wake to nurse she would be with us for the rest of the night.

From what you wrote it sounds just like me. Covers not past the waist, no extra pillows, woke up with her cozy warm and face pressed to the side of my breast. I slept light for the first 10 months. I slept better after we moved her to her own bed. By then I couldn't sleep with out her there. I still at 19 months go into her bed and curl up with her before she even wakes up for a late nigh snack.

All I'm saying is a fmily bed could become a safety matter with big fluffy covers and pillows... But the co-sleeping with a new baby felt natural to me. All other mammals sleep with thier young. ( Not to say we are wild animals) the paternal instinct is strong in some people.

I still share a bed with DD (just not every night) from the time I gave birth for me I couldn't sleep if she wasn't close. I could feel her warm body wiggle in her sleep. It was like I always know right where she was even when I'm asleep. She also slept on her side a lot too. Just never far from me.

My husband was always worried when she was really little but he slept light too. It's normal to worry. It's "healthy" to sleep light. And I say it natural to sleep next to your baby.