If you had a nanny, what would she do for you?

[lellian]

DH travels A LOT. We are in the 3rd week of a six week M-F trip to Wyoming, then after that he is gone to Kenya for five weeks. You get the picture. A lot. We have a 13 month old, and I'm expecting in June. We've been talking about getting some help by the time the new baby comes home, but honestly, I don't know what this person would do? I'll have two under two. I'll be nursing them both. I'm alone here. What would a nanny do?!?

[Altair]

How much time are you looking for? 

I know people with nannies who are SAHMs who need extra help (typically in families like yours where dad is unable to help on a daily basis). 

The nannies:

- take older child to the park/music classes/library/play dates etc. so mom can nurse and nap with baby

- food shop/light meal preparation

- clean up after kids

- kid's laundry

- give kids baths if needed

- watch infant so mom can go out on a date with older child for 1-1 time

- light cleaning (more like straightening up, sweeping, kids dishes)

- watch both kids if needed while mom showers/food shops/appointments etc.

The catch is though that ANYTHING you're thinking of should be spelled out in the contract.  Be specific about what you are looking for so that no one ends up feeling taken advantage of.  The more non-childcare work you want, the more you typically pay.  Some people just do it 2-3 times a week, some full time. 

I personally think a mom with 2 children (one a newborn) alone 24-7 is a LOT of work and by no means should anyone feel guilty for needing help.  I could not handle trips that long-- I almost lost my mind when my partner went away for 2 nights this week!  ;-)

[bluedaisy]

I agree with pp that a nanny would be a great help for you - I think you will find plenty of things for her to do!

Some things that come to mind:

Clean!!!  I only have one toddler and I struggle to keep the house clean

Entertain the older one so you can nurse/get the baby to sleep or hold the baby so you can play with the older one

Run errands - go to the grocery store, cook dinner, etc

Entertain both kids so you can get a nap, go for a haircut, run errands, etc.

I think having that help with be so beneficial with the transition to 2 kids - I would do it!

[crunchy_mommy]

Maybe take the toddler to the park/class/playgroup/whatever or play games while you nurse the baby? Change diapers, watch them while you cook/clean/shower/take 5/etc.?

Personally *I* would hugely prefer (if I could afford it!) to hire someone to do cleaning & meal prep... so I guess a maid & a cook... so I could focus on just being with my children. I hate to clean, and cooking with kids underfoot stresses me out, so maybe I'm biased!!

[xelakann]

We have a nanny that comes two days a week for 5 hours and often once a week for a date night.

It really isn't as much as one would think. She as helped us a lot. She does help with cleaning and errands, but also it allows me to get out the house and get my errands done. I am super attached to my kids, but it is great that they love our nanny so much too. We have no family near by and I think them developing a trusting and loving relationship with another adult. I do work from home too, so I am able to get a lot of work done... though in the past several months I haven't been working as I have been recovering from a major surgery.

[LeighPF]

It sounds like you may be in the market for more of a mother's helper. Someone who would be great with the kids, but also help with everything else that needs to be done. Think about a collage student for the summer.

[HollyBearsMom]

We have had a nanny for the last nine years and the responsibilities have changed as our son has grown. Here is the basic outline we had in our work agreement/contract-which I HIGHLY recommend, along with house rules, performance review expectations, requests for time off/vacations, etc

Job Description: Provide childcare in our home Monday - Friday 8:00 am to 6:00 PM.  On occasions, some flexibility needed for start and end times.

CHILD CARE IS THE TOP PRIORITY!

Additional Duties:

1. Initiating creative outings weekly such as trips to the library, local museums or playgrounds.

2. Driving D. to and from school, playdates, activities

3. All laundry for D. including clothes, sheets, towels, etc.

4. Meal preparation for D., occasionally getting dinner started for family

5. Picking up at end of day ie: living areas should be free of clutter/toys except for current activities

6. Keeping D's. room and play areas neat, clean and organized

7. Maintaining a journal of daily activities, meals, outings, etc. 

8. Keeping us informed, in advance, of items needed.  i.e. diapers, wipes etc.

9. Occasional: grocery shopping, light housekeeping-family laundry, dishes, etc

[lellian]

Thanks for your replies, Mamas. It helps me put things into perspective. I think whether we hire a nanny or a mother's helper my issue is relinquishing control to someone else of my child. What if they handle a situation differently than I would, or than I have been teaching her? What if they lose their patience with her in the car because she loathes her car seat? What if they say No more than they say Yes? All these things I worry about in shaping my DD's emotional well being. I want to be the primary care provider and at her beckon call. I just don't know how to manage that with a newborn. Although I want her going to story time at the library after her sibling arrives, how do you trust your child out of your sight? Nay, how do you trust the person you've hired? Is this a control issue? A trust issue? Maybe a mama issue?

[crunchy_mommy]

LOL that is exactly the hidden truth behind why I'd just hire someone to clean & cook. I don't feel comfortable with someone else taking care of my children. I guess it's largely a trust issue but I don't feel capable of overcoming it. I guess when you start interviewing people, you'll know -- you'll either find just the right person, and feel WOW I can be completely confident & comfortable with this, or you'll find "problems" with every person you interview, because you're just not ready. Let your gut guide you.

I only have 1 kid now so I can't really speak to managing 2. I know lots of mamas do it & do it well, and others struggle with it, and I'm not sure you can predict which category you'll fall into ahead of time. If you can afford the help & your DH won't be around much, you definitely should take advantage of it, but find a way to fit it into YOUR life, not someone else's ideal. So if you want someone to take your older child to fun places, find someone who can do that. Or if you want someone who can soothe the newborn while you spend quality time with the toddler, that can be the main part of their job description. If you want companionship and a second set of hands, someone who will go on outings WITH you & both kids, then look for someone you mesh particularly well with, since they will be a 'friend' to you too. You're not trying to fit a nanny into your life -- you're trying to create a job position (nanny, mother's helper, personal chef, whatever!) that will meet the needs of your family. Does that make sense? Don't feel limited by it -- you will be the employer so you will lay out what needs to be done, and then find someone who can & will do it.

[Emma Bryan Fuller]

I have three..9,8 and 2 yrs. i would LOVE a helper so that i could spend more time with my children.  I spend sometimes 3 hrs per day cleaning. Picking up after the 2 yr old is a job in itself. She wants books read to her all the time. To have someone else step in and read/play with her just a little would be fantastic. Sometimes i just don't have the energy/enthusiasm every minute of the day. She doesn't nap or really have down time. I have a good friend who stops by and it is always so nice just to have another adult to interact with her. She must ask thousands of questions each day and i am worn out! It would be important that i get along with the helper so that we can enjoy each others company. I don't read to my older children since having the baby and i miss that. Sometimes they need help with their homework and i am too stressed out by the little one that it is tough. A helper would ease the burden.

My boys were 18 months apart and my husband was away a lot. There will be lots of little ways a helper could help without taking over the parenting. Taking the baby for a walk in the stroller while you have time with your older one. Good Luck !

[CourtBChase]

I worked as a nanny/daycare teacher for years before my daughter was born, but my *first* non-babysitting childcare job was as a "mother's helper" to a mom with 4 kids under 5.  Holy cow.  She was a great mom, and super involved, but I think anyone in that situation could use help.  I agree with previous posters that the most important things are 1- deciding ahead of time exactly what role you see your helper filling and spelling it out, so anyone you hire knows exactly what you need and what to expect and 2- finding someone who you feel comfortable with and who has ideas about childcare that fit with your own.  Ask open ended questions about how they have dealt with discipline issues in the past, what their feelings are about... (CIO, time out, positive discipline, whichever things are most important to you).  Trust but verify- call their references, check their driving record if you plan to have them drive your children around, feel free to not leave them alone with your children in the beginning.  This is a big advantage of being an at home mom, with in home help.  You can take time to really make sure you feel comfortable with a new caretaker before you leave them with your children.  There are AP friendly nannies out there, I was one of them! 

[waiting2bemommy]

If I had a nanny it would be early mornings maybe 3 days a week, from say 7 AM to noonish, and then one evening a week to allow for a date night.

I wouldn't ask any real household chores of her other than common sense picking up behind yourself and maybe to load the dishwasher for me before she leaves. I would use that time as an opportunity to work with my kids one on one. For example dd really comes out of her shell more when she's not in ds' shadow. On the rare occasions that we are home alone together, we do puzzles, play baby dolls, etc and I can see where she is trying to talk and communicate and develop skills, but with ds around, he is so intense and overpowering that she just retreats into herself. A nanny would be terrific in this situation, to take ds to the park, for a walk, or just do activities with him in the living room while I get more emaningful interaction with dd in another room. Or on storytime days, the nanny could take whichever child was not going to storytime to browse the library and play with the toys while I was in storytime with the other.

I wouldn't be above asking the nanny once in a while to shift laundry from the washer to dryer or something, but I wouldn't be able to sit and play while she cleaned. I would rather have HER sit and play with the kids and keep them out of my hair for a few hours while I got things done.

I too am very picky. My kids have only babysat by one of my friends. In emergencies I used our old neighbors a couple of times but other than that I just don't leave them with people. I put an ad on craigslist for a sitter, interviewed over the phone, and never called a sinlge person back for a face to face interview. I just didn't find what I was looking for....I'm not ever sure I know what that is! So for now DP and I juggle opposite shifts and an insane sleep deficit, to keep the kids at home with us.

One thing I would like to add about the shift from one child to two, at least for me, was that I lowered my standards a wee bit. Not in big things, but for example where I was way more regimented I guess about ds, the clothes he wore, what he ate, etc, I have been more relaxed with dd. You may find that once you have two children stretching you thin you are willing to give a little more on some things in exchange for the benefit of having that help around the house. I used to get so mad when my mother babysat ds and dressed him in ugly mismatched clothes. A few days ago a friend watched ds and returned him to me in borrowed underwear and a big tee. My response was "oh well, he had fun!" :)

[Rlin]

We have a nanny. She's been with us since DS was born (2,5y ago). She started coming in for an hour or two in the morning, so I could get a shower and she helped me fold laundry while we chatted. We talked A LOT about raising kids, the do's and don'ts. She practised attachment parenting with her kids and is the most loving and caring person I know. I trust her more than the grandparents. So, slowly she started doing more things, after a few weeks I left the house for an hour to go shopping etc. And DS lights up when he sees her. Now I can go to work and know he is safe and cared for. Just a few months ago we tried bedtime with the nanny (naps were going well from the start, DS would take bottles of mother milk from her, which he wouldn't do for anyone else). So now DH and I are able to go to the opera again. :)

I am a very (over)protective mommy, but I feel totally fine with leaving DS with our nanny. I know she takes super care of him, like I would do it myself. We talk in the morning and when she leaves for the day about everything that happened. I always provide DS's food, but sometimes he eats at her place (she lives 10mins walk away), but she always checks if DS is allowed to eat something. She is not me, so she handles things differently sometimes, but with time I've learnt that this is a good thing. DS learns that different people act differently, but he can always expect to be respected and loved from the people that care for him.

In the fall, DS will go to Kindergarten, but our nanny will stay in his life of course. She is more like family now.

And I do worry about DS in Kindergarten, out of our sight, but I am sure he will be fine there. He will be 3 then, and has learnt to be assertive about his needs. Now he can talk, I feel less worried. I know he is able to tell me about everything that happened.

[marispel]

We had a nanny.  She came in at 8am and left at 5pm.  I'm a WAHM so I was always there "just in case".    Like PP said - just make sure you spell everything out in the beginning.  If you basically want her to cook and clean and take care of the kids - make sure she is aware of that up front.   We did hire one girl who didn't "realize" that we wanted her to vacuum the whole house, she thought it would be just where DS was playing. 

We had a fantastic relationship with our nanny - she was a 19 yr old and great with DS.  She was so sweet and did anything we asked her to do.  She even went on vacation with us so that DH and I could go out to eat at night and get a break in the afternoons..  

Also - you'll want to figure out if you plan to pay her under the table or pay taxes as an employee.