Help me plan my life

[Xerxella]

1. I've always wanted 4 kids. 

2. I have a great job in which I can retire in 14 years (at age 50) and live happily on the retirement forever. 

3. This great job gives me up to 5 years of part time in a career.  I have taken 3 years of part time so far. 

4. We have an almost 4 year old and almost 2 year old and just got a positive pregnancy test.  (Stick little bean!)  Baby's due November.  (It's definitely only one, not twins.) 

5. When my part time is completely done, dh will quit his job and be a stay at home dad. 

6. I love staying home with the kids.  Part time is great for me.  We tried to get pregnant with each of our 2 soon after I got my first PPAF.  There ends up being 2 - 2 1/2 years between each kid. 

So, how do I manage this upcoming bean? 

Do I take the 2 years of part time back to back, hoping to get pregnant quickly?  Even if I do, I'll still end up with very little time at home with the last baby. 

Do I give up the dream of 4 kids, be happy with 3 and give them good quality of life with one stay at home parent and little to no daycare/nanny? 

Do I take a year of part time after this baby and then go back full time for a year or more until maybe #4 comes along and then take another year of part time?  (This would be hard because both parents would be working very full time jobs, so it would be long days with a day care or nanny.  So far the kids have never been in day care or under a nanny because my mom and best friend have taken care of them on the 2 days I worked.) 

I don't know.  I'm having a hard time figuring this out.  I don't want to "short change" any of the kids.  But, I just have always wanted and continue to want 4 kids. 

What am I missing?

Any thoughts? 

[laurabfig]

I was going to say do 1 year part time after this one and then 1 year part time after the next one...but you're right that year in between would be hard w/both of you FT and 3 kids.  You will definitely need excellent child care that you feel great about.  I think that is key when working full time....that, and having help with other things in life- like cleaning the house, carpools, etc.

Honestly, I think if you really want 4 kids, you have to find a way to make it work.  You don't want to look back on your life and regret that you never had that 4th kiddo.

If your husband is going to quit and be a SAHD when you're done with your PT stint, then he would be home with the 4th while you work FT...right? (am i understanding your original post right?)  

[youngspiritmom]

I'm like you -- I love to have a plan about everything to make sure I make good decisions and coordinate everything right. Being a woman is hard because you are always struggling to find that perfect balance between career and baby.

But my advice would be to wait until you have the third to decide when you will take part-time for the 4th. You may be completely overwhelmed with three kids and not want anymore. Or you may love it and want to have your fourth immediately. I say wait until the third baby comes to decide anything related to a fourth (non existent) baby.

Also, your career/job sounds awesome....mind sharing what it is?

[Xerxella]

Yes, my dh would be home full time with the 4th (and the others of course).  I know I should wait to make a decision and in the end I guess that's what I'll do, but I so do like to have a plan for life.  (I was not so secretly hoping for twins because that would seem to wrap up the problems nicely, but there's no family history of twins and the early hcg shows it's clearly a singleton (and healthy!  :)  )  I guess the childcare in the middle makes me the most nervous and the idea that we really don't know how long it would take to get pregnant with the 4th (not getting any younger and all that).  But what are you going to do?

My job is in law enforcement and they have indeed treated me well.  You won't grow rich, but you can definitely live comfortable middle class. 

Thank you for all your input, sometimes just writing it down helps to sort it out in my mind. 

[marinak1977]

Xerxella, congrats on the BFP! I also agree with PP on seeing what the baby #3 is like before deciding on the part time. His/her personality may make the choice easier one way or another.
i wanted to say too - I love your avatar picture, some shots just can't be posed on purpose.

[JudiAU]

I suggest not planning now at all. You have no idea how this pregnancy/birth/infancy will go. Your family might feel overhwelmed with 3 kids and you'll figure that out soon enough.