Would you have felt this too "medicalized"- Hospital birth with CNM - Page 2

[MsFortune]

How's the baby?

Can you talk to your midwife and ask her to walk through why she did what she did?  There are probably reasons for what she did, whether or not you agree to them.  And she can get your feedback on what you did and did not like.

I think feedback is important.  She probably thought everything went well and you were pleased.  I would have thought so too based on what you posted.  But if you are not, then she should hear this so she can explain why she did what she did, or if she agrees with your concerns, she can change what she does.

[Ldavis24]

Originally Posted by MsFortune 

How's the baby?

Can you talk to your midwife and ask her to walk through why she did what she did?  There are probably reasons for what she did, whether or not you agree to them.  And she can get your feedback on what you did and did not like.

I think feedback is important.  She probably thought everything went well and you were pleased.  I would have thought so too based on what you posted.  But if you are not, then she should hear this so she can explain why she did what she did, or if she agrees with your concerns, she can change what she does.

I don't know if I mentioned this before, I thought I did, sorry for not making it clear if I didn't...Baby is now a toddler hehe. This was my first birth almost 2 years ago! The reason I am asking is because I am pg again and it is bringing up a lot of emotions about how the first birth went. Things that I didn't really examine at the time and only had slight inklings that things weren't completely the way I had hoped. It wasn't a bad labor or birth it was just....It is so hard to describe the feeling like there was something missing and if I could just find the words to explain it everyone would understand...Wow how is that for confusing eh? 

DH said to me, "well everything was fine last time, so why do you care now?" Thats just it, it was FINE, not good, not great, not horrible. I guess I am just selfish because I want more than fine

[Tumble Bumbles]

(Bolding mine)

I totally understand. That's exactly how I felt about my first birth, which was a 'successful' homebirth with a midwife who comes highly recommended in the community. I didn't feel the ~~connection~~ you're "supposed" to feel with your midwife, I didn't feel 100% comfortable with her and her assistant witnessing and managing (no matter how lightly) my birth. I didn't feel like it went the way I hoped even though it went totally perfect by all outside standards. I just didn't feel the way I wanted to feel and how I felt I could have felt had I been left completely on my own without witnesses, just me and my husband sharing a very intimate moment -- which is what ultimately led me to Unassisted Childbirth.

I understand that's not everyone's cup of tea, but I totally understand what you mean! You do deserve better than "fine" and a healthy baby isn't the only important thing. Sure, it may be the most important goal, but it's not the only one...and doesn't have to be.
 

Blessings mama!

Originally Posted by Ldavis24 

I don't know if I mentioned this before, I thought I did, sorry for not making it clear if I didn't...Baby is now a toddler hehe. This was my first birth almost 2 years ago! The reason I am asking is because I am pg again and it is bringing up a lot of emotions about how the first birth went. Things that I didn't really examine at the time and only had slight inklings that things weren't completely the way I had hoped. It wasn't a bad labor or birth it was just....It is so hard to describe the feeling like there was something missing and if I could just find the words to explain it everyone would understand...Wow how is that for confusing eh? 

DH said to me, "well everything was fine last time, so why do you care now?" Thats just it, it was FINE, not good, not great, not horrible. I guess I am just selfish because I want more than fine

[allisonrose]

Like Tumble Bumbles, I do understand what you mean. My first birth was in a hospital with a CNM: water broke, GBS+, contractions weren't picking up quickly enough, pit augmentation, epidural, big tear (3rd degree). I was healthy, my baby (now a toddler) was healthy but I was disappointed. Second time around I planned a homebirth with a CPM but after a long labor, a definite cervical lip and no urge to push, we ended up transferring. Got pit, some IV pain relief, rested a bit and I finally pushed my son out just to get labor over with. Again I was healthy (2nd degree tear this time), my baby was healthy but I am left disappointed again and also embarrassed that I had to transfer.

It seems that a healthy mom and baby are the only criteria for a "successful birth" but I feel like there should be more to it.

[Ldavis24]

Originally Posted by allisonrose 

Like Tumble Bumbles, I do understand what you mean. My first birth was in a hospital with a CNM: water broke, GBS+, contractions weren't picking up quickly enough, pit augmentation, epidural, big tear (3rd degree). I was healthy, my baby (now a toddler) was healthy but I was disappointed. Second time around I planned a homebirth with a CPM but after a long labor, a definite cervical lip and no urge to push, we ended up transferring. Got pit, some IV pain relief, rested a bit and I finally pushed my son out just to get labor over with. Again I was healthy (2nd degree tear this time), my baby was healthy but I am left disappointed again and also embarrassed that I had to transfer.

It seems that a healthy mom and baby are the only criteria for a "successful birth" but I feel like there should be more to it.

I agree, don't get me wrong, I would deal with and endure anything to ensure my baby was born safely....but, if I can make sure my baby is born safely and in such a way that it only enhances the well-being of baby and mama and it is a life-changing event for the whole family, why wouldn't I want that? This is a new thing to me but apparently it is selfish to want both and not just be content being in a hospital and being treated like there is always a major problem peeking around the corner. People really do you think you are selfish for wanting a healthy baby AND....and whatever it is that each individual mama wants, it is the AND that people get really worked up about. 

[lizzie]

Originally Posted by Ldavis24 

I agree, don't get me wrong, I would deal with and endure anything to ensure my baby was born safely....but, if I can make sure my baby is born safely and in such a way that it only enhances the well-being of baby and mama and it is a life-changing event for the whole family, why wouldn't I want that? This is a new thing to me but apparently it is selfish to want both and not just be content being in a hospital and being treated like there is always a major problem peeking around the corner. People really do you think you are selfish for wanting a healthy baby AND....and whatever it is that each individual mama wants, it is the AND that people get really worked up about. 

(emphasis mine)

They DO get really worked up about that AND, don't they?? What "they" (those who don't have that "I want more than fine" ideal) don't seem to realize is that ultimately the "AND details" are in the best interest of everyone involved. And that includes any birth attendants we choose to have present. IMHO, it's a given that it's in the best interest of our babies, ourselves, and our families. How can educating ourselves and being stronger and more confident mamas with ideals be detrimental?

We're congratulated for being well-prepared and educated consumers in pretty much every other field of consumerism - and we ARE consumers in the industry of obstetrics & maternity & midwifery and such - but torn down for it as mothers who know what they want. Illogical at best!!

Sorry - guess that's a bit off topic from the OP's original thoughts and questions, but my point is to validate her desire for more understanding of her first birth which will hopefully lead to an even more fulfilling 2nd birthing experience for everyone... Her dh deserves to go through a birth that doesn't leave him fearing the loss of his wife and child as much s she deserves to have MORE than "fine". If the mw had (thought to, been able to, been willing to) talked them both through what was happening, he too would have benefitted from that info, so hopefully this next birth will fill in a lot of blanks for the whole family.

Just saying. :)

[Ldavis24]

very well put lizzie. Much more articulate than I could ever possibly be.

I really do feel like it is in the best interest of everyone for me to research and educate myself even more than I thought I had. Then we as a family can make an informed decision and in mt humble opinion HB is what will be best for everyone. DH isn't there yet but I have faith as he already is speaking in affirmative tones about HB...Joking about how we are going to break it to relatives etc...I am waiting for my records from my last pregnancy/birth in the mail and I am really going forward to just going through them and seeing what the medical point of view of the whole situation was.