How to talk to an older child about weaning

[acstoddard]

I recently weaned DS#1 (3.5 yrs) because it was becoming uncomfortable for me to nurse him.  I didn't like my breasts being touched and stroked by him now that he's older.  I had wanted to let him wean himself but it wasn't happening and I've been ready for about a year.  I started refusing nursing and after a few days asked if he would like a goodbye nurse and so we had a sweet goodbye moment together.  DS#2 (7mo) nurses and DS#1 asks daily but takes it well when I refuse.  My problem is that he wants to know why I'm not nursing him anymore but doesn't really stay present for a conversation about it.  I'm at a real loss for how to talk about this with him and am looking for ideas from other mamas about how they discussed weaning with young children.  

[cmhermes]

I would talk to him by himself when you aren't nursing your other child. He may be more receptive at that time. I told my girls that they were getting older and they no longer needed to nurse, but we can still use the nursing time we had together to snuggle and read or watch a movie. We could do other things like crafts or take walks. I guess my compromise was to replace it with something else they enjoyed doing with me.

Good luck Mama,

Christine

ETA: I am also adverse to having my boobs touched. My ODD loves to rub them just out of the blue. It irks me. Sigh. I think it's a price we pay for extended breastfeeding. It's their comfort item. Their lovey, if you will! Nice, huh?!

[kcparker]

I weaned my older DS after tandeming for a year. We talked about it beforehand, how his friend O, his friend B, his friend M, used to nurse, but they all stopped nursing. At some point, everyone stops. I played the 'big boy card' on him (we try not to use that one too often), talked about how babies nurse because they haven't got teeth and can't eat other foods, but older kids can have pizza and apples and things babies can't eat. After we weaned (had a party with his aforementioned friends), my DS1 would ask to nurse, sometimes just to test and see if it's still true that he is weaned, I think. I'd just say, "Oh buddy, you know that is all done. Can we have a hug instead?" I think that older kids are generally more okay with weaning than we might give them credit for. It sounds like your DS doesn't need a long explanation, so I wouldn't stress about it too much. The 'why?' may be more rhetorical than explanation-seeking.

[beebalmmama]

I weaned ds when he was 3yr 10 mo and I was pg at the time. He had already decided that he would be done when he turned 4. But it was increasingly painful for me with the pg. He had only been nursing at night and in the morning for the previous 6 months or so and so it was a gradual transition to stop the one at night. We had a good nighttime routine of books and snuggles to make up for it. I gradually cut back nursing on one side because it HURT! I told him how it was hurting because I was growing the baby in my belly and that the baby would need the nursings when he came.

We also used the big boy card here and talked a lot about how/why he wouldn't need nursies anymore. Once we stopped all together I think he was a little sad and asked for it a couple of times. But within the week he was talking about how he was too big for nursing and the baby needed it.

I was surprised that 6 months or so later he didn't even remember nursing! I thought at that age he would have a slight memory of it since he does remember other things/people/etc. But he says he doesn't remember. I felt kind of sad when I heard that.