Mama's emergency surgery--Will she wean now?

[ThankfulMama]

DD is 21 months old and is still BFing 3-4 times a day.  I had emergency surgery this weekend and am in the hospital for two nights. We have never been apart overnight before. She is obviously stressed when she comes to visit me, but is getting more comfortable.  She woke up the first night crying for mama, but DH said she has not asked for milkies.  She did not ask the times she has visited me either.  I pumped the edge off today after 40 hours of no BFing to relieve discomfort.  

What do I do when I get home?  Do I wait to see if she asks to nurse?  Anyone BTDT with advice

[PatioGardener]

I hope you are feeling better soon.

Is there any reason that you want to wean? If not, I'd start to offer as soon as you can. It could be good medicine for both of you :)

[Super~Single~Mama]

My situation is slightly different, as we've never been separated due to me being in the hospital, but I have been away from my toddler at that age for a week.

My ds did not wean during our time apart.  I did offer as soon as I saw him again.  If you can, and aren't on medications that are incompatible with nursing, I would offer to nurse your dd when she visits you in the hospital

[ThankfulMama]

Thanks for the replies.  Tonight is night two and I am in tears.  I miss her so much.  She visited twice and we talked over skype right before bedtime and I heard her cry "mama" as we hung up.  I just wish I could snuggle up in our bed with her right now and comfort her.  She must be so stressed out.

I didn't want to wean her right away, but we were working slowly towards that because we would like to have another baby and our circumstances require that I wean her beforehand (fertility meds).  I have been extending the time and stretching things out because she's just not ready.  But I wondered if her not asking means that she IS ready.  What if I get home and she doesn't ask?  Should I leave it entirely up to her?  Gosh this is so stressful.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by ThankfulMama 

Thanks for the replies.  Tonight is night two and I am in tears.  I miss her so much.  She visited twice and we talked over skype right before bedtime and I heard her cry "mama" as we hung up.  I just wish I could snuggle up in our bed with her right now and comfort her.  She must be so stressed out.

I didn't want to wean her right away, but we were working slowly towards that because we would like to have another baby and our circumstances require that I wean her beforehand (fertility meds).  I have been extending the time and stretching things out because she's just not ready.  But I wondered if her not asking means that she IS ready.  What if I get home and she doesn't ask?  Should I leave it entirely up to her?  Gosh this is so stressful.

  You can leave it up to her, and if she's ready she'll be OK.  My ds has weaned recently (but not after long time away from me), and he definitely still needs cuddles often from me, and is still very affectionate with me - its just different b/c its not centered around the boobs.  I'm sure she does miss you, and I'm equally sure that your family is taking good care of her - she will be OK. 

One thing that I have heard from single parents, and blended families (which I know isn't you) is that talking right before bedtime can make it a hard night.  Whereas, talking right before dinner makes it a little easier on the little ones, I've noticed this with my own child as well.  Talking a few hours before the bedtime routine starts works better than immediately before (for the parent that is doing the bedtime routine - I know how hard it is not to talk to your child before bed and you aren't with them!!!)

I hope you heal quickly, and are home soon!

[PatioGardener]

How hard! Hang in there, Mama.

Babies are all so different. My good friend's 18 month old will ask ALL THE TIME, and my 10 month old needs me to offer - he rarely asks. It's hard to know what your little one is thinking or feeling right now. She may be too scared or shy to ask. At this age, "don't offer" is a weaning technique, so if you want to wean gradually, and ease some of that stress you are both feeling, I would encourage you to offer. She may not accept, which is her choice, but by offering you are giving her the chance.

[ThankfulMama]

Thanks so much for the kind and helpful responses.  Last night was really hard.  DH didn't contact me in the middle of the night so I hope that means she slept soundly.  I miss her soo much.  I think once I get home I will see how she adjusts--maybe she will ask right away since we will be back in our familiar and safe place.  If she doesn't I think I will offer.  I am getting uncomfortably full and the pump isn't working well to empty my breasts.  I can only get a tiny bit out so I am really full.  I hope this transition is smooth as I already have a pre-existing milk blister on each nipple. ugh

[PatioGardener]

Originally Posted by ThankfulMama 

Thanks so much for the kind and helpful responses.  Last night was really hard.  DH didn't contact me in the middle of the night so I hope that means she slept soundly.  I miss her soo much.  I think once I get home I will see how she adjusts--maybe she will ask right away since we will be back in our familiar and safe place.  If she doesn't I think I will offer.  I am getting uncomfortably full and the pump isn't working well to empty my breasts.  I can only get a tiny bit out so I am really full.  I hope this transition is smooth as I already have a pre-existing milk blister on each nipple. ugh

oh oh, Mama - how long will you be at the hospital? The last thing you need right now is mastitis - you need to get your breasts emptied asap. Can your daughter come in today if you are not going home, and can you encourage her to nurse? Mastitis is awful at the best of times, I can't imagine it after surgery. IMO avoiding mastitis takes precedent over weaning - this is a Mama health issue.

Sending you healing thoughts and good wishes

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by PatioGardener 

oh oh, Mama - how long will you be at the hospital? The last thing you need right now is mastitis - you need to get your breasts emptied asap. Can your daughter come in today if you are not going home, and can you encourage her to nurse? Mastitis is awful at the best of times, I can't imagine it after surgery. IMO avoiding mastitis takes precedent over weaning - this is a Mama health issue.

Sending you healing thoughts and good wishes

  Try to nurse today (assuming you aren't on medications currently that are not OK for BF'ing).  If you offer she will probably nurse (at least my ds would have).  Has the hospital provided you with a hospital grade pump?  If not you might want to ask for one, or hand expressing worked well for me to relieve engorgement, and you can try that too.

[ThankfulMama]

Thanks for the advice--the support I have gotten here has really helped me make it through this easier.  I knew you mamas would understand!  I got released today so I will see her in a little over an hour.  I am so excited to be reunited with her.    I will try to post an update later.

[ThankfulMama]

Update:  She asked for milkies the very second she walked in the door of our home today.  It was the sweetest reunion with her drifting of to sleep in my arms once again.  She looked so relieved, happy and at ease.  She has been showering me with kisses all afternoon.  I couldn't have asked for anything better.  

Thanks again for all of your support and quick responses.  It really kept me going during the hard times.

[PatioGardener]

yay!

[Lisa1970]

If you want to keep nursing her, then just resume nursing when you get home and chances are, all will be fine. If you want to wean her, try to hold off and see if she asks and try to distract her to other things.

[Chloe'sMama]

I am so happy your reunion was joyful (actually brought tears to my eyes).  

[Adaline'sMama]

Originally Posted by Chloe'sMama 

I am so happy your reunion was joyful (actually brought tears to my eyes).  

mine too! Im so happy for you!