How do I find a passion/interest/hobbies?

[NicaG]

I am a sahm and I have struggled with depression on and off for most of my life.  The combination of low-grade depression and meeting the needs of my kids 24/7 has left me a little lost.  I've kind of forgotten who I am or what excites me or what I'm interested in.  Before I had kids, I worked at an independent bookstore for years while I put myself through college, and then I went on to work at a large publishing house in NYC.  But I feel like I have no desire to follow book reviews, publishing news etc. anymore.  I don't feel like reading fiction anymore. I don't want to go back to my old life in book publishing, I never got very far in my career and I've lost most of my contacts.  I try to think of going back to grad school to prepare for a different career, but I can't think of anything that really excites me.  I've thought about speech pathology, but it will require a lot of prerequisite classes before I could even apply to a program. I feel like I need a hobby or some goals or something.  I used to like cooking, but my dh and kids are very picky, so it's frustrating to cook for them.  I used to like running and it was fun to run in 10ks sometimes, but I feel like I don't have time for more than a 1/2 hour run on the treadmill a few times a week.  Crafts, knitting, gardening....eh.  Mostly all I have the energy for is watching a few favorite shows on tv, trying to declutter the house, and reading magazines. 

I started seeing a therapist a couple months ago, she thinks I am feeling trapped in my life.  Maybe, I don't know.  I have a pretty good marriage, friends, I have a babysitter, I have some time to myself when my kids are in school (kindergarten and preschool).  I just wish I could feel passionate about something, anything.  I feel like I've gone with the flow so much, tried to be flexible and accomodating, and now I've just sort of lost myself.  How do I get back?

[Linda on the move]

Do something that sounds like fun to you. Right now, I think you are aiming too high. You are looking for your life's work, or new career or something HUGE and PERFECT. Let go of that, and just ask yourself what might be pleasant for an hour this week. It doesn't have to be earth shattering. Follow a whim.

You say you have friends. Do you do anything with them? Since you like food and your DH and kids are boring eaters, just going out to a funky little ethnic place one day for lunch with a friend could be fun. Or seeing chick flick. For me, just giving myself permission to do little things for myself gradually let me see myself more and more clearly.

Rather than aiming for passion, just aim for "not boring."  It's easier to hit, and sometimes as we just try new things with no intense expectations, we gradually figure out what makes our hearts sing.

[Smokering]

If it helps, I know a few women in this situation, and they don't have families - they just feel trapped in boring careers, and are looking for a vocation or passion to show up and give them a good reason to do something rash. I feel a bit that way myself sometimes... sadly, I'm not sure you can just conjure up a grand passion for ballet or writing or violin out of thin air!

So I dabble. Currently I'm learning Spanish, I have a VERY low-key singing group that meets at our house, I sew a bit, cook a bit, write a bit, do the odd spot of gardening... I'd really like to get into musical theatre, but that won't be until this baby's born and big enough to leave in the evenings (ie. I'm not holding my breath!). Same goes for learning Latin American dance.

I'm not sure I recommend my current strategy, as I'm often depressed myself (and wish that a fervid desire to do nothing but write the Great American Novel would strike me, as long as dedication and skill came with it!). But at least it's, um, cheap? A few of my friends actually started University courses - one made a vague stab at becoming a travel agent - and then gave up, which is pretty expensive. So it might be worthwhile to do a few things half-heartedly and see what sticks, instead of devoting all your energies to one topic that may not be your passion after all.

Some ideas:

sign language

pottery

glass-blowing (seriously, I wish I could do this - saw a demo recently and it's awesome! No facilities in town, though...)

volunteering

weaving

sustainability

hunting

corset-making

activism/protests/writing letters to the editor

belly-dancing

a choir, singing group, Glee club or whatever

training for a marathon/triathlon

take just one random interest paper at uni (anthropology or linguistics or anything, as random as you like)

take a lame part-time job to save up for a trip somewhere neat!

master a foreign cuisine

learn how to do magic

ice-skating! (Again, would LOVE to do this if our town had a rink...)

illuminate manuscripts

leatherwork

conspiracy theories (er, the research of, not necessarily belief in)

learn Latin

typography (DH's recent obsession)

research the history of medicine

[marimara]

Sometimes what we need is space and quiet to reflect on what's important and what we are passionate about.  I would suggest ditching the TV time and the magazine time.  TV and magazines are designed to either entertain you or to tell you what you should be feeling or thinking.  You might be surprised by how it feels to be media free for 30 days.  The answers lie inside you, they just need time and space to surface.  Perhaps, during the time that you were previously watching tv or reading magazines/books, you can just sit and think.  Or sometimes it helps to do something monotonous/rhythmic with your body, like walking;crocheting or knitting simple rows back and forth;gardening;yoga;etc. just something to make space for your own inner desires/thoughts/wishes to surface.  

[Igraine]

I am reading this wonderful book called "The Happiness Project". She also has a web site.

http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/start-.html


It is a balanced, well written book about bringing happiness into your life. She essentially does all the research (reads tons of self-help books, research studies, experiments) and reports back what her experiences are. It is actually pretty fun.

She talked about exploring her interests in one chapter. She talked about remembering what you liked as a kid and chances are you still are interested in those things. She talked about, as adults, we try to "legitimize" our interests or follow what others around us are into which leads to resentment. She said that we often worry about what others will say about our interests and that that sometimes gets in the way of us really finding what we enjoy.

I am only halfway through the books, but she has lots of good ideas and her web site is great too. I too, have struggled with depression most of my life. This book is not an in your face this is what you have to do book. It is a "here is what I tried and this is what happened to me". I really enjoy that aspect of the book. And she puts ideas from her readers in the book as well.

Good luck to you!

[Snapdragon]

hi,

This is a great question because it is something many people struggle with at different points in their life.  the question of how do I find my passion again.  The best advice I have for you is to start where you are now. ::)  Let go of the things that used to interest you but don't anymore.  You are a different person now, so your needs will be different.  I am recently a new parent.  And in my experience so far raising a kid is tiring! (as well as many other good things).  So far, when I have some downtime I am most inclined to rest.  this often involves zoning out for hours on the computer-  but right now I let myself indulge in that because it relaxes me and I need that down time in my mind when the baby is napping or whatever.  IT sounds like you feel tired from parenting too! so my advice is- to find yourself, and your passion, right now, let yourself rest! It is hard to come up with enthusiasm for things when one is tired. Me, for example, one of my passions is gardening.  Usually by this time of year I have many seed packets, and seeds started, etc. And lots of excitement over it.  this year I will do a garden, but I am no hurry right now! anyway- just sharing my experience as an analogy to yours.

so, other than resting, my next advice is to use your free time to do whatever you really want to do. So you don't have to figure out your whole future or even too far right now. Just try to do small things that make you happy in the moments you can.  then that will be the path to get on gently. It is hard to make a big decision such as a career choice if your passion is still unclear.  I find sometimes when I want to know something but don't know it yet, in a situation like this- like, what do I do with myself- sometimes I accept that I don't know yet and then just wait to see what happens next.

good luck!

[Ttarail]

I have these feels as well.
Being pregnant makes my low grade depression worse and my lack of passionate ideas even further away. I know a couple of things I like, all work related, still no play. I do love TV and going to the movies. I also make sure I meditate every day, that's the best part of having insomnia, always time to meditate when everyone else is asleep. What works for me, I did it again last night and I'm much better today, it to really allow myself the free fall into my feelings. That seems to relieve them when I remember too.