This is really what I want..DH not so much.- Update post 10 - Page 2

[jennyfah]

 I'll add a couple other things, too---I could PM you but this might help someone else reading the thread.

In addition to the PPH, our baby had trouble breathing, and we ended up transporting him to the hospital.  My husband rode with him in the ambulance, and I followed later with my MW after I was cleaned up and rested a bit.  Thankfully, his breathing issue resolved quickly, but my MW had known exactly what to look for.  Midwives are trained in neonatal resuscitation and they know what normal newborn breathing and behavior is, so picking up on things that aren't right is something they are skilled at.  Our midwife also had resuscitation equipment (like oxygen) and knew how to use it. 

Oh yes, I also had a 2nd degree tear along my previous episotomy line, so my MW stitched me up, too.  I guess we sort of had the "anything that can go wrong, will" kind of birth, but in spite of all that my DH is still a huge HB advocate!  If anything, I think it has made both of us more confident that variations in birth happen, and that homebirth midwives are ready to handle them with calm professionalism.  

And I think you have a good point about him being an EMT.  He has probably only ever seen the emergency side of birth as part of that job, just like some nurses at the hospital think all homebirths are a bad idea because they only ever see the transports.  But the vast majority of the time, homebirths go very smoothly!

[Ldavis24]

Thank you for adding that jennyfah...I know it is important to remember that things can go grow but most of the time when they do the MWs really know what they are doing...I'm glad you are all ok! If you're DH can come out of that stress and still be positive about HB then I feel like I have hope for DH...

When we talk about HB I feel like part of him is just fighting it so strongly because it is so against the grain of what we are taught our whole lives in this country. In part, there is a lot of real fear there but also this sense that he is "supposed" to be against it. When we talk about the baby casually (because it is still super early and all) and a HB he isn't intensely negative about it. He didn't realize that we would have to pay for our HB out of pocket, whereas if we went to a hospital it would be COMPLETELY covered. Everything, thanks medicaid I guess. Instead of being angry he joked about it and was laughing. We'll see..finger's and toes crossed that the MW meetings is enough to sway him.

[L&K'smommie]

I just wanted to add that I'll be having my 2nd homebirth after having my first 2 with a CNM in the hospital...I have had issues with PPH with every baby...

With my first in the hospital my uterus didn't clot properly so my CNM had to undo those clots so that my uterus could re-clot correctly and I also had a shot of methergyn(sp)...that was awful(not the shot, the clotting part).  This was after a 12 1/2 hour labor total from first contraction to baby.

With my second in the hospital I had PPH and I definitely think there was also insane over reaction on the part of the nurse that happened to be in the room when I went to the bathroom.  Active labor for DS1 was less than 2 hours and total labor was less than 4 so I think that contributed to the PPH as your uterus can go into shock from a very fast labor, not only a very long one.  But my bladder was also full after birth which can cause issues with your uterus contracting post partum.  But like I said the nurse freaked out when I went to the bathroom and there was lots of blood...so she started massaging my uterus which was so painful I started blacking out...so then she's saying I'm about to pass out, which as soon as she stopped massaging I was fine with no more dizziness or lightheadedness. (I need to add that right after birth my CNM gave me a shot of pit and a shot of methergyn as a precaution due to what happened with my first baby).  So after this "episode" in the bathroom I was given a bag of pit through an IV that had to be put in after the birth and also a shot of hemobaine.  I was fine and went home within 24 hours.

So after that birth I decided I wanted a HB, not due to a bad experience, it just wasn't what I wanted and I hated being at the hospital.  So I went with a HB.  I talked to my MW a lot about my history and she agreed to take me as a client.  My birth was again fast...2 hours start to finish, but my MW was very vigilant post partum about massaging my uterus, I had a shot of pit and methergyn(sp) and was also given some homeopathic things.  We also worked hard on getting DS2 to nurse and when he wasn't I was doing nipple stimulation to help my uterus contract.  My MW never pulled on my placenta and we also did not cut the cord until the placenta was delivered.   I did bleed more than they like, but not enough to need a transfer.  Prior to the birth I took a RRL tincture daily and also another herbal tincture my naturopath recommended and I also made sure my iron levels were good. 

We are planning another HB in May.

I will add that my dh was not on board at first and had some questions.  His fears of PPH were put at ease by the fact that the MW is very prepared with drugs for PPH if needed.  They are also so much more vigilant and aware of what's going on during and after the birth.  They don't wait until the last possible moment to transfer if it's needed either.  My MW is also an RN and had previously been an RN on a labor and delivery floor...she became a MW(CDM) due to not liking hospital practices and the way that interventions ended up causing more problems than they helped...so for me that helped with my peace of mind.  But I also know that my dh trusted me because I'm the one that does the research and the reading and he doesn't.  My dh liked the hospital because he could do less since there were so many other people there to help me and wait on me...but for me that's not a good reason to birth there. 

As to insurance...you should check your Medicaid...they may cover your HB...I know where I live Medicaid covers for sure a free standing birth center and I'm almost 100% positive they cover a HB as well.  It's definitely worth looking into.

Also...I see that he's concerned with transferring...why would that be bad if it indeed needed to happen?  Does he just not want to have to deal with comments or questions that may come with transferring?  Typical HB transfers are not usually serious emergencies(at least from my research and reading).

Hugs mama and I hope it all works out for you to have your HB.

[Ldavis24]

L&Ksmommie, thank you for sharing your story. 

What a pain that L&D nurse must have been. Honestly when they were massaging my uterus after DD was born it hurt more than labor did except for crowing. I remember laying there go "ow, ow ow you are really hurting me!" and they all just kinda laughed and kept going..Grr it was not cool, and definitely made bonding with DD a little challenging while I was being pummeled on the stomach.

Anyway as far as my DH being afraid of transferring this is the one thing I don't get. We are not far from a hospital and will actually be moving closer to the hospital before the birth. He just keeps saying "what if you have to transfer?!" All I can assume is that he thinks you only transfer when you are literally dying you know? I don't think he understands that most of the time transfers are not so urgent that a minute or two will make a huge difference. 

We have our first consultation with a MW next wednesday and he actually googled a list of questions to ask and guess which website came up first on the google search! Mothering.com of course and it brought it right to this forum where nice ladies have compiled intensely detailed lists of questions. He is going to print them  out and he said "literally ask them every single one." So I am pleased he is taking an active interest in it. 

Unfortunately our state's version of medicaid, Masshealth, in NO WAY covers HB. I have already spoken to them on the phone and besides the person not even understanding what I asked, apparently I came off as completely insane because they kept saying "well you can see a CNM affiliated with a hospital, why not just do that?" Sigh, that is what I did last time, I already know thats covered thanks.

[L&K'smommie]

Originally Posted by Ldavis24 

L&Ksmommie, thank you for sharing your story. 

What a pain that L&D nurse must have been. Honestly when they were massaging my uterus after DD was born it hurt more than labor did except for crowing. I remember laying there go "ow, ow ow you are really hurting me!" and they all just kinda laughed and kept going..Grr it was not cool, and definitely made bonding with DD a little challenging while I was being pummeled on the stomach.

Anyway as far as my DH being afraid of transferring this is the one thing I don't get. We are not far from a hospital and will actually be moving closer to the hospital before the birth. He just keeps saying "what if you have to transfer?!" All I can assume is that he thinks you only transfer when you are literally dying you know? I don't think he understands that most of the time transfers are not so urgent that a minute or two will make a huge difference. 

We have our first consultation with a MW next wednesday and he actually googled a list of questions to ask and guess which website came up first on the google search! Mothering.com of course and it brought it right to this forum where nice ladies have compiled intensely detailed lists of questions. He is going to print them  out and he said "literally ask them every single one." So I am pleased he is taking an active interest in it. 

Unfortunately our state's version of medicaid, Masshealth, in NO WAY covers HB. I have already spoken to them on the phone and besides the person not even understanding what I asked, apparently I came off as completely insane because they kept saying "well you can see a CNM affiliated with a hospital, why not just do that?" Sigh, that is what I did last time, I already know thats covered thanks.

This is so true...I hate having it done but know it's necessary.  I don't remember it hurting as badly with my HB as it did in the hospital.

And I'd definitely ask your dh what he's thinking when he asks about transferring...it would be good to know if he's thinking near death situations only or something else.

I hope your consultation goes well!
 

[mattemma04]

My dh was against HB,but it was the only way I could imagine birthing my babies. If I had to transfer I would ofcourse. For me a hospital birth would be sooooo stressful that it would have affected the labor and birth. For dh a hospital birth is good because others are in control,and they have all the technology for *issues*

 Dh never felt 100% about HB but he went along with it. Thankfully all went well enough and my kids(over 9 pounds each time) were born at home.