Help! Co-sleeping, and feel like a terrible mom!

[MarmotMommy]

I'm a first-time mom to a 17 day old infant, and we've been co-sleeping on the advice of my lactation consultant and are loving it. She sleeps better, there are fewer tummy problems and I wake easily as she starts to stir. DH is very aware of her in bed, and we're following all the "rules" -- she sleeps in the crook of my arm most of the time (me facing her, my legs curled up and arm extended over her head so she's in a "C" made by my body), blankets stay away from her, pillows stay away from her, etc. Until last night, everything was working very well.

However, last night, I apparently rolled onto my back and then re-rolled onto my other side, so that she was cuddled up against my back. I was still very aware of her, apparently (woke as she woke to nurse, before she started to cry), but I'm scared. I've read all over the place that BFing moms "instinctively" sleep facing their infants, and I'm worried there's something wrong with me that I turned away from her. No meds, no drugs, no smoking, no obesity, no apnea...no risk factors for deep sleep, basically. I can't find ANY other examples online of women who've rolled onto their backs or other sides while sleeping with infants -- am I a freak with no instincts? Am I a danger to my baby, and do I need to stop sleeping with her? I'm terrified that last night's experience means this isn't going to work for us. Please help!

[To-Fu]

I understand why this would be upsetting!  Unfortunately, I'm not sure what the answer is.  My instinct says you aren't a danger to your baby, but only you know what feels right to you.  I would sometimes lie on my back next to my newborns, but I haven't rolled all the way over to face away.  I did it intentionally when they were older, but not before. 

Hopefully some other folks chime in.

[Kuba'sMama]

Hmm, what if you put something behind your back, like a firm pillow or a roll-type thing? would that make you aware of rolling over you think?

[To-Fu]

Originally Posted by Kuba'sMama 

Hmm, what if you put something behind your back, like a firm pillow or a roll-type thing? would that make you aware of rolling over you think?

Oh, hey!  Good idea!  I do this and it really helps keep me more comfortable, too.

[Refuging]

I think it's only natural to readjust your body position throughout the night to stay comfortable. I've been co-sleeping from the beginning (daughter is 20 months old now), and even when I'd move around at night, I would still be very aware of my daughter's presence. But if you feel that it may be unsafe, then consider moving her into a co-sleeper attached to the bed. 

Also, when my daughter was that tiny I didn't sleep with pillows or blankets; instead, I wore several layers of shirts, and cut a flap for easy boob access. I felt safer about that.

One other thing: whenever someone talks about a "mother's instincts" take it with a grain of salt. We are all different. Yes, I do believe that we have instincts that keep us aware of our baby, but I also think some people (most people?) need to adjust their sleeping position throughout the night in order to prevent horrible back pain, muscle cramps, etc. And the way you relate to your baby may be different than how another woman does. 

[tavamom]

You're totally normal.  Everyone should change positions at night for their own health.  Try getting in the habit of switching sides throughout the night.  When she wakes to nurse, nurse her then roll her and you onto the other side (or roll first then nurse), so you both change positions.  I sleep in all sorts of variations of the protective-momma position...  the "C" you mention, an "L" where my arm is over the baby while I'm on my back but legs are straight, a modified "C" where I'm on my back with an arm over baby's head and a leg below, an "S" where one arm is over baby, back flat, legs turned away from baby.  I certainly turn my back to baby when I'm snuggling with papa, but I don't usually fall asleep in this position.

Sounds to me like you're trying to stay in one position, so of course you ended up turning your back to her.  You just need to take her with you when you do it.  I actually tried sleeping with DS2 on one side of me throughout the night, and it didn't take long for that plan to go completely out the window simply because of how uncomfortable I was on one side all night long and because I did end up turning away from him completely on a few nights and while I don't think it was horribly unsafe, it was worrisome nonetheless.  My supply did funny things too, even though I tried as hard as I could to switch breasts with every feeding.  Better to physically switch sleep/nursing positions altogether.  It's not at all surprising to me that you ended up switching sides.  Your body has needs too.  

[Bird Girl]

Maybe you would feel less anxious if you tried a co-sleeper next to the bed. I don't think you're a bad mom!

I know that when I'm overtired, I can get anxious and imagine worst-case scenarios. I can't imagine that you're not a little tired if you have a 17 day old. I hope you can take a nap (maybe even by yourself!) in the next couple of days. Hang in there!