The thread below reminded me of something we've been dealing with for the last couple years. Ds has not laid eyes on his bio dad since he was 13 months old. He has talked to him on the phone a few times The last time he spoke to him was on his birthday, in December.
Ds was recently diagnosed with Asperger's and also has anxiety. We are trying to make his life predictable and simple. He was very confused about who this "daddy" was that he had to talk to (he spent the first couple minutes trying to and the phone back to me, telling me "this isn't (his nickname for DP)" and when he spoke to him on the phone he seemed to think he had to say "I love you" back, which really bugged me.
I know he understands that my DP is not his biological dad. There are a couple pics of him and bio dad in his baby book, and I've been honest with him. The way I explained it was that mommy and firstnamebiodad used to be friends and got married and made a baby together. But then we weren't able to get along and be friends so now we live in different places. He piped in with "*biodad* used to hit you mommy. He was mean and he pushed you." So he remembers, even though he was very young at that time.
Anyway, it really bothers us that my ex insists that ds call him daddy in these phone calls. Last phone call I told him not to use the word daddy or I was hanging up. I just didn't want ds confused. What did ex do? He told ds "I'm your father, who loves you very much blah blah blah."
So am I wrong to teach ds to refer to the bio dad by first name? Is that always disrespectful even the "parent" is a total deadbeat? I really don't care about respect to be honest but I just don't want it to come back to bite me later should this ever go back to court (and it probably will.)