Major school issues-what would you do? - Page 2

[waiting2bemommy]

Definitely take her!

I was the epitome of goody two shoes as a teenager....glasses, uncool clothes, uber strict parents (Iwasn't allowed to ride the school bus or watch PG-13 movies as a junior in high school). I'm sure my mother thought that I was at school just minding my business and doing schoolwork. She didn't care about the intense bullying I went through so I eventually stopped telling her and started carrying a blade. I also got into several fights and started acting provocatively at school (rolling up my skirt, changing parts of my outfit once I got to school, getting sexually involved with several guys). She never knew about any of it.

I definitely am not saying you don't care, but just that teens have weird minds sometimes. She might think it's not a big deal to you (or that mom might overreact) and so doesn't share everything with you but mean comments from other girls can be HUGE HUGE HUGE. Let me tell you. She may only be telling you the tip of the iceberg in regards to what she deals with at school.

I would definitely take her to a psychologist, several if necessary until you find the right one that she likes.

Oh and I don't know about your dd but I carried a razor blade in my hair because I almost got raped once and I was constantly getting felt up (our school was extremely overcrowded with ample opportunities for this) and I got fed up and decided to cut the next guy who put his hands on me. Luckily that never occurred but pretty much everyone else at school carried a weapon and I felt I needed one too, just to be on par with everyone and not be a sitting duck.

[MotherAlone]

Originally Posted by CarrieMF 

Why did this other person give her a knife in the first place?  She didn't want him to be offended if she didn't carry it???  Why does this person have that much control over her?

I don't think it's a matter of he has control, I think it's just her trying to not offend him. Kinda like when your grandparents give you a hideous sweater for christmas, you wear it any way just so you don't hurt their feelings. From what I understand, he is a friend of Michael that Keila barely knows and he just handed her the knife one day

The psychiatrist didn't exactly work out, in fact he also asked me never to bring Keila back because she just infuriated him. I don't even know if it's worth it to try another one when I know she's just going to do the exact same thing.

[dairy2dogs]

I suggest looking into remedial services, where a therapist will come to your home and work with your dd.  She's more likely to be comfortable and more open in her own environment. 

[mtiger]

Originally Posted by MotherAlone 

I don't think it's a matter of he has control, I think it's just her trying to not offend him. Kinda like when your grandparents give you a hideous sweater for christmas, you wear it any way just so you don't hurt their feelings. From what I understand, he is a friend of Michael that Keila barely knows and he just handed her the knife one day

The psychiatrist didn't exactly work out, in fact he also asked me never to bring Keila back because she just infuriated him. I don't even know if it's worth it to try another one when I know she's just going to do the exact same thing.

So... what is *your* solution to her behavior?

[HollyBearsMom]

Honestly, I would NOT be looking for advice on a message board. Both you and your child need professional help. I can not imagine ANY psychiatrist telling you what you posted, especially after one visit. At the very least he would give you reference to someone else.

You seem to be in denial of the seriousness of your situation. I sincerely hope you continue to seek professional advice.

Originally Posted by mtiger 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MotherAlone linkI don't think it's a matter of he has control, I think it's just her trying to not offend him. Kinda like when your grandparents give you a hideous sweater for christmas, you wear it any way just so you don't hurt their feelings. From what I understand, he is a friend of Michael that Keila barely knows and he just handed her the knife one day


The psychiatrist didn't exactly work out, in fact he also asked me never to bring Keila back because she just infuriated him. I don't even know if it's worth it to try another one when I know she's just going to do the exact same thing.



So... what is *your* solution to her behavior?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[lalaland42]

Originally Posted by MotherAlone 

The psychiatrist didn't exactly work out, in fact he also asked me never to bring Keila back because she just infuriated him. I don't even know if it's worth it to try another one when I know she's just going to do the exact same thing.

You know, this sounds like it has to violate some sort of ethics on the psychiatrist's part. At the very least it was extremely unprofessional. Your daughter needs help and if this psychiatrist can't do it, another can. 

[Hey Mama!]

Well it doesn't appear that you are doing a whole lot yourself. You buy her lame excuse for carrying a knife to school.  Also, she doesn't want to go see a counselor, so she acts up and bam, she doesn't have to go again.  What I would do is stop turning a blind eye and stop making excuses for my daughter's behavior.  Keep looking for a counselor until you find one that is willing to crack into your daughter's shell and help her with her problems. 

[zinemama]

Originally Posted by Hey Mama! 

Well it doesn't appear that you are doing a whole lot yourself. You buy her lame excuse for carrying a knife to school.  Also, she doesn't want to go see a counselor, so she acts up and bam, she doesn't have to go again.  What I would do is stop turning a blind eye and stop making excuses for my daughter's behavior.  Keep looking for a counselor until you find one that is willing to crack into your daughter's shell and help her with her problems. 

I agree. From what you've posted, your 15yo daughter's behavior includes:

- a (sexual?) relationship with an adult
- regularly leaving school to be with this man
- carrying a knife
- bringing the knife to school
- convinced she will die young

From what you've posted, your response in regards to all this has been basically to condone it. That's not parenting, imo.

[joensally]

Not every therapist/doctor is the right fit for every person.   Keep looking.  Therapy takes a lot of time, and even the right therapist needs time to build rapport.  Your DD sounds like she's got a lot of walls put up, and I suspect she's going to take a lot of time and effort.

I would encourage you to do this, or from the sounds of things it will be taken care of for you by the state, such as a youth detention facility or a psychiatric facility.  I'm not sure if you're naive or what, but your daughter's behaviour is very self-destructive and potentially harmful to others.

Good luck to you and your daughter.

[waiting2bemommy]

I'm tired and I don't have time for a long drawn out post, but it saddens me that it almost sounds like the OP has already written her dd off.

I just don't believe that there is *nothing* and *no one* who can help her. It will just take a lot of perseverance to get her to accept help for whatever issues are behind her behavior.

[mtiger]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MotherAlone 

Keila wouldn't have hurt anyone with that knife, she won't attack unless someone else strikes first. She's smart enough to have figured that one out at least. Her reason for carrying it was that she was going to Michael's house and she has to take it there because the person who gave it to her is there and she doesn't want him to be offended by her not carrying it.

Mostly all she has to say is for me to leave her alone and for everyone to stop treating her like she is some unbalanced person who could snap at any moment. Alot of the shchool staff do treat her like that, but she can be scary at times. Keila is constantly in defense mode and doesn't seem to believe that anyone can be nice to her without having some questionable motive behind it. The counselor that I took her to the first time told me not to bring her back because there is no point to her being there if she isn't going to talk. Her appointment is tomorrow with a highly recommended psychiatrist. We'll see what happens

So... She won't hurt anyone unless someone comes after her first. Uuummm... she's not carrying a plastic knife or a butter knife - she's carrying a knife that really could hurt someone. You also admit that she's scary at times. Yet... you seem to be rationalizing her behavior.
 

Originally Posted by MotherAlone 

I don't think it's a matter of he has control, I think it's just her trying to not offend him. Kinda like when your grandparents give you a hideous sweater for christmas, you wear it any way just so you don't hurt their feelings. From what I understand, he is a friend of Michael that Keila barely knows and he just handed her the knife one day

The psychiatrist didn't exactly work out, in fact he also asked me never to bring Keila back because she just infuriated him. I don't even know if it's worth it to try another one when I know she's just going to do the exact same thing.

Honestly? If her behavior is as you say it is, and she refuses to cooperate with an individual therapist? It may be time to consider some type of in-patient treatment. Your daughter needs help. Badly.

[CarrieMF]

IF she barely knows this guy why is she concerned about offending him?  That IS control over her