Oh, my darling 3 year old. Mama's losing her mind.

[Nicoleandco]

~~Long~~

My 3 year old.  She's a happy, healthy, smart girl.  We have been having major issues lately, and I've sought advice, but I need another perspective.  First off, I think at the root of this, it's not a discipline issue, but the behavior makes it so I need to implement some sort of preventative discipline.  

I watch 3 other little girls (4 and under).  I do feel like just having them in the house is causing a lot of stress for Dd.  They are great, well behaved kids, but sharing your mama, toys, and daily life is never easy. I know this is not the only problem, because the behaviors have been around in a milder form for the last year. 

Dd's behavior is mean.  She will swipe at the kids as they come near her, point at them and yell "get away".  She will make this horrible growling sound, often.  

She will scream.  There doesn't seem to be any particular reason- sometimes it's because a kid is bothering her, sometimes one just walks by.

She has singled out the youngest, and refuses to allow her anywhere near her.  If the 2 year old wants to sit anywhere near her, Dd pushes her away and firmly chides her for attempting to.  At this moment, Dd is sitting on the couch and every time the 2 year old walks by, she will kick her feet at her (but not actually kick her).  I don't feel this is because the 2 year old takes away my attention.  She's actually quite independent and rarely wants to be held or cuddled.

The behavior with younger children has been going on for a very long time, and I understand some of it is developmental. I know she gets upset when kids aren't as expressive or vocal as she is.  

I can't quit my job, and even if I could, I know she would be like this everytime we see another child.  So I need to get to the root and prevent as much of it as I can.  

So far, what I've been trying: 

-Before we see the other kids, I tell her how we are going to be nice (explaining what I mean by "nice").  I tell her if she gets upset, angry, or feels sad, she can leave the room.  She can come play by herself, or find me and give me a big hug instead. 

-Yelling.  :(  Obviously NOT the right way and I do my best to keep it in check. I'm big on not letting my negative feelings effect our day.

-Separation.  When the girls come over, I say from the start that we are going to spend some time playing separately.  I set them all up in a different area of the house with an activity.  I thought that by doing this DD would get the alone time I feel she needs and then feel refreshed enough to play.  Does not appear to make any difference. 

[WhiteHorse]

For a while, I babysat two other boys at my house right before my son turned 3. The older boy was way too rowdy for our space and often lashed out at the youngest, so I stopped watching him. But it wasn't long before my son also started acting out toward this little boy. I felt I spent the entire day in discipline mode with my son. The stress was too much for me and I eventually stopped babysitting altogether. I am just not cut out for it personally - hugs to you and all who endeavor. Have you talked with your dd about what she is feeling? Her response to this might be lucid enough to help her understand her own actions, although unlikely to stop the behavior altogether. Also, you might think about a way to divide your home into "childcare" area and your dd's own room/playroom so the other kids are not playing in her space or with her toys. Another home care mama that I know does this in her basement and the toys used for their preschool are not her children's own toys. It is a separate area and separate toys. I think girls are more possessive than boys in this respect. If you have the space and are committed to doing this, it might be worth a try. Good luck mama!