19 mo who swears- DH and I at odds

[penstamon]

DS has always been VERY verbal and repeats all kinds of phrases that he knows how/when to use.  This has been great for us all to communicate but lately he picked up a swear.  At first I think it was just something he was babbling (it sounds like fork or truck, kwim?) but my DH reacted to it very harshly- as in grabbing DS and shouting "you DONT say that word! NO!".  Ever since then, when DS says it, DH reacts the same way and I totally disagree. 

While I dont believe it is good for my child to be running around using this word I don't think he ever would have continued to repeat it if he hadn't gotten a rise out of daddy.  I just ignore it and he doesn't ever say it around me because it means nothing.  But with DH, it means attention and something fun.  He is in a phase of doing whatever he is told not to do and I think DH's drastic responses are inappropriate for this age group.  DH and I are at odds about how to react to anything that DS does after being told not to- DH likes to scold/punish which I find completely useless and even counter productive.  I am a lot more laid back and DH thinks I am not "doing anything".

Thoughts or advice?

[goinggreengirl]

Definitely overreacting on your H's part. I'm reading The Secret Lives of Toddlers and just read the chapter on repeating swear words. She said they do it because of the reactions and the best thing is to just ignore it. Also, if you do accidentally swear in front of your child, to quickly say something else that's funny and innocent in the same tone so hopefully they'll repeat the second word and not the first!

[beebalmmama]

I agree, total overreacting from your dh. I remember doing the same thing the pp said about making up silly words after word to make light of it. Honestly I don't think a child would really understand how a word could be innapropriate until much older.....at least 3 if not older. Ds 5.5 now has recently repeated a couple of things that blurped out of me. I was quick to not make it a big deal but to tell him that I really shouldn't have said it and should have said '_____" instead. We're all about offering nicer alternatives these days, especially with some of the language he hears at school (kindergarten really?).

[MusicianDad]

Gonna agree with the PPs. Definitely an over reaction on your DH's part. We tend to ignore swears in the house, if we are out and about one of us will remind DS that those aren't outside words. We don't have a huge problem with swearing though.

[Llyra]

In my experience, the worst thing you can do, when a toddler is using swear words, is to pay it any attention at all. Any attention-- even gently correcting them-- seems to just reinforce the idea that there's something special about these words-- that they can be used to get a big hoo-ha reaction out of grown-ups. Toddlers LOVE to find things that get big reactions! My personal approach has been to completely ignore the words, and watch my own mouth carefully (they have to learn this stuff from somewhere), and the words mostly disappear on their own.

So I agree with you-- I think what you're saying is just exactly right, and that your DH is missing the boat on this one.

Although I did watch DD2 (she's four) struggle today with getting her boots off, and she said, "I can't get these fracking boots off, dammit," only she didn't say "fracking," exactly. Which means I'm not doing a good enough job with watching my mouth, I guess.

I would encourage your DH to google some "expert" advice on this topic-- depending on what he considers a "good source," you might direct him to one of the mainstream parenting sites. He'll likely run into the same advice-- ignore it, and watch your own language carefully.