Thanks for the welcome hollybearsmom.
ITA about the piecing an infant's ears. It wouldn't be my thing either and similarly, I certainly wouldn't throw a friendship away over it. But for me, although that is similar to circ. in that it takes away the choice of the infant and is for cosmetic reasons only, it is really at one end of te spectrum wih circ at the other. Ear piercing doesn't radically change the function of the ears, the baby can always choose not to wear ear rings when she is older if she so chooses and I suspect it doesn't have the complcation rate and the risks associated with it iyswim. Plus, I suspect it doesn't cause the same kind of pain!
I also have a small group of *very* close friends, of which this girl was one. I love all of their children because they are the children of my closest friends and they are very special people in their own right. I care about them all deeply, I treasure them simply because they're the kids of my friends. We all have older kids. I know when you only have babies and small children, perspectives can get a bit skewed sometimes but I have 3 kiddos who are 8, 5 and 1.
My main issue with it is the human rights aspect. I don't have a problem if someone can make that kind of decision for themselves when they're old enough, go nuts! Do whatever you want; tattoos, piecings, body art or whatever... But to make that decision for a child and take away their right to do what they want to their own body. It isn't the parent's body. It is the child's. They are no less a person or an indivdual at the age of 15 or 15 days. Would a person forcibly strap their 15 yo down and have them circ'd because the parents preferred it? No, I doubt it so why is it ok to do it to a newborn infant? Because they are able to when the baby is smaller. ITA agree with this statement
I don't agree with "her child her choice" I believe in "His body His choice" and I lose respect for any parent who decides to take that choice from their son and then tell me I need to respect their choice! It's so hypocritical!
For me there are lines that when crossed I can not in good conscious go along with. That includes child abuse of any form/ and circ. When they know the facts ahead of time and still do it. Now should I meet someone new with after they had given birth and the deed already done that is a whole other thing.
Absolutely that too. I certainly wouldn't cast off a friend for having circ'd without being educated / informed on the procedure. Nobody is a perfect parent. They don't exist.
Ultimately, the deed has been done. I am making every consious effort to try and not dwell on this poor boy and his pain and the short and long term impilcations of what has been done to him. He may grow up to be happy he was circ'd. I sincerely hope he is complication free and happy for all his days. But I still am shocked that she took the choice away from him and chose to have him put under the knife. Especially as she is a doula because I feel she ought to know her stuff, it is her profession after all! Her burying her head in the sand and pretending the medical evidence (aside from everything else) isn't there doesn't make it so. Unfortunately, the truth is the truth! The literature is there and easily accessible.
I just wonder if it is possible to salvage a friendship. I know it can never be what it was anyway.
I am hoping that having a dialogue with like minded people may help me processs what has happened here. I wish I could take my head off my shoulders and set it aside for a while. I know too much about circ. and it makes my heart so sad. Ignorance IS bliss!!!
I did like this post I read: http://www.drmomma.org/2010/04/stepping-away-from-friendship-in-name.html
I think it pretty much sums up where I am at (and some of the comments at the bottom of the page) But I don't want to be in that place!!! But don't human rights win out and trump friendship every time??? Maybe I need to try and take the emotion out of this, stop being sad and angry, draw a line in the sand and make a stand for what I believe in. I'm normally a very open minded individual but for some reason, this, I just can't see how I can get past.
See how I am see-sawing?!?! Thanks ladies for helping me process this! I do appreciate all your feedback.