Help me convince my husband.......

[MadHghtsMama]

My first son who is now four is circumcised. :( I really just didnt know better then, being 16, I figured my son would want to be circumcised like his father is. When I got pregnant with my second I started doing my research on circumcision and felt horrible about the choice I had made for my son! I had a baby girl that go around so I never really mentioned to my husband the research I had been doing. Now Im pregnant with my third, thinking/hoping it's a boy, and I definitely want to keep him intact. I just have no idea how Im going to convince my husband. He is a stubborn man who thinks an intact penis is the disgusting unnatural thing! It is unheard of to him and he doesnt want one of his sons to be "different" from him and my oldest son. How do I convince him how horrible and unnecessary circumcision is? Ive been mentioning it's painful unnecessary surgery on a newborn. I described it to him and Im going to email him a video of it too. What else can I do??? I hope to be having my little one at home so if he still doesnt agree I can try to delay the cut for as long as possible until he hopefully just drops it. He has a strong objection to leaving a boy intact though. What else can I do?? I love my husband and I cant blame him for being stuck in his ways. I dont know a single male with an intact penis myself but I cant do that to another son of ours.

[To-Fu]

There are SO MANY wonderful strategies that folks have used here.  I'm sure you'll get lots of great feedback. 

I was lucky to have a partner that agreed with me about leaving our two boys intact.  My heart hurts for the mamas having to make the cases to their partners!

[MadHghtsMama]

Thanks I hope I do get some feedback. I showed my husband a circumcision video last night and it had a tiiiiiny impact on him. I then said that there was no way I would let our son be cut and I dont care about his say in the matter. Harsh I know.

[Super~Single~Mama]

You should do a search of just this forum - there are LOTS of old threads about this!  I was lucky and didn't have to fight to hard, but there are some women here who have great ideas!

[Lauren82]

Here are several links to get you started mama!

http://www.thewholenetwork.org/the-library.html

[Greg B]

If he will listen to what doctors say and be swayed by that, here is a good paper, but it is long:

http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/pdf/GenitalIntegrityStatement.pdf 

The key point you need to keep in mind is that this is a decisioon that you and your husband need to make in your childs best interest.  That does not mean doing it because you husband wants to, it means looking at all the advantages and disadvantages then comparing to see which decision makes the most sense for your childs well being and future.

For me, it is easy to see the best decision.  Leaving him intact preserves his right to bodily integrity.  It leaves his options open.  It prevents unreasonable pain and suffering.  It avoids complications that will potentially be with him for the rest of his life, and could have negative effects on his sex life.  It preserves the most important part of his sexual anatmony for sexual function and feeling.  It preserves his sexual anatomy for the benefit of his future partners.  It helps ensure that if he wants to be intact, he gets that chance.  And it helps ensure that if he chooses to get himself circumcised, it will be done in a predictable way becuase his penis will have developed fully.

If you husband wants to argue for circumcsion, then you need to make him do it like this.  Read and come up with rational reasons why it is a good thing to do.  Explain how it is better than leaving your son intact, point by point.  Making his arguement in a rational way, so that any reasonable person could follow his logic and see that his conclusion is reasonable.

without that, he is just using emotion and pressure tactics.  Childish, but common.  You need to be strong for your son.  In my book, it is unacceptable to make a decision like this w/o a careful rational argument. 

Hope this helps.  His body, his choice.

Regards

[MadHghtsMama]

Originally Posted by Greg B 

If he will listen to what doctors say and be swayed by that, here is a good paper, but it is long:

http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/pdf/GenitalIntegrityStatement.pdf 

The key point you need to keep in mind is that this is a decisioon that you and your husband need to make in your childs best interest.  That does not mean doing it because you husband wants to, it means looking at all the advantages and disadvantages then comparing to see which decision makes the most sense for your childs well being and future.

For me, it is easy to see the best decision.  Leaving him intact preserves his right to bodily integrity.  It leaves his options open.  It prevents unreasonable pain and suffering.  It avoids complications that will potentially be with him for the rest of his life, and could have negative effects on his sex life.  It preserves the most important part of his sexual anatmony for sexual function and feeling.  It preserves his sexual anatomy for the benefit of his future partners.  It helps ensure that if he wants to be intact, he gets that chance.  And it helps ensure that if he chooses to get himself circumcised, it will be done in a predictable way becuase his penis will have developed fully.

If you husband wants to argue for circumcsion, then you need to make him do it like this.  Read and come up with rational reasons why it is a good thing to do.  Explain how it is better than leaving your son intact, point by point.  Making his arguement in a rational way, so that any reasonable person could follow his logic and see that his conclusion is reasonable.

without that, he is just using emotion and pressure tactics.  Childish, but common.  You need to be strong for your son.  In my book, it is unacceptable to make a decision like this w/o a careful rational argument. 

Hope this helps.  His body, his choice.

Regards

Thank you Greg. That was really helpful.

[Pirogi]

Originally Posted by MadHghtsMama 

Thanks I hope I do get some feedback. I showed my husband a circumcision video last night and it had a tiiiiiny impact on him. I then said that there was no way I would let our son be cut and I dont care about his say in the matter. Harsh I know.

I don't think this is harsh at all.  Your job is to protect your son from anyone who wants to harm him, no matter who they are or what their reasons are.  Poke around here, there are many threads with this same issue with lots of good advice.  Good luck!

[JulianneW]

The links I really like are-

http://www.drmomma.org/2009/09/functions-of-foreskin-purposes-of.html

http://mensightmagazine.com/Articles/Fleiss,%20M.%20Paul/tellaboutcirc.htm

 Having an understanding of what the foreskins is for is a huge step.

This is a great link that explains the human rights position

http://www.drmomma.org/2010/04/circumcision-already-illegal.html

And here is one for you-

http://tlctugger.com/Archives/EmpoweredWoman.htm

[MoonJelly]

Originally Posted by MadHghtsMama 

Thanks I hope I do get some feedback. I showed my husband a circumcision video last night and it had a tiiiiiny impact on him. I then said that there was no way I would let our son be cut and I dont care about his say in the matter. Harsh I know.

Meh.  It's not harsh and rather a good tactic.  Just tell him "they don't recommend it" and you're not going to do something that is not recommended, end of discussion.  And then see what happens.  Frankly, the burden is on him to find a scientific argument why this should be done.  (There isn't one.)

[Super~Single~Mama]

I don't know where it is, but if you dig through old similar posts you'll find it - there is a blog post, or an article (don't remember which) that explains a little bit of why men have a hard time coming to terms with not circ'ing, b/c its painful to think that something wrong was done to them as babies.  I read it, and its really good - you should see if you can find it.  It gives great info and tips on how to talk to men that are not on board.

I'm not in any way saying you should cave - don't.  Just that it might give you some good ideas about where he's coming from emotionally (especially if he won't tell you), and how to talk to him.  maybe someone will come by and post it - I know I've seen it a few times on here.

[ElliesMomma]

Originally Posted by MadHghtsMama 

 I then said that there was no way I would let our son be cut and I dont care about his say in the matter. Harsh I know.

you know, you can go round and round with this and your husband. you can print out all sorts of literature. he may read it, but likely will not. mine didn't. i spent considerable time finding quality, credible sources, highlighting relevant information. in the end, it was too hard for him to face it psychologically. (he is circ'd and he circ'd his first two sons from his previous marriage.)

in the end, though, what you stated above is enough. (and i would stop telling him that you don't care what he has to say in the matter, that will only make him mad. you DO care what he has to say, or you wouldn't have posted looking for help to convince him.) in the end, though, just quietly stick to your guns. don't let YOU be swayed. stand there like that strong oak tree, and listen to him when he throws argument after argument your way. 

you don't have to convince HIM, he has to convince YOU. why does your newborn son need surgery to amputate a normal, healthy, functioning part of his body? the onus is on HIM to convince YOU, never the other way around. 

your son just needs ONE parent to object. this will usually be sufficient. (dad could take him in on his own to have it done after the neonatal period -- is that truly likely? most men won't do that, would yours??) you've made up your mind to not circumcise. simply stick to your guns!

CONGRATULATIONS!!

[Greg B]

I am glad that was helpful.

One other thing I can add, in case it comes up. 

I was circ'd as an infant.  My two younger brothers were not.  My parents had better information when my two younger brothers were born.  there was absolutely no issue between us brothers about this.  None. 

No issue with them having a foreskin and my father being circ'd.  None.

I was circ'd and my sons were left intact.  No issues whatsoever.  None.

My sons are intact and went to school.  My youngest is in high school now.  No issues over being intact at all.  None.  Though one son was teased about his underwear once.

This is such a non issue, yet comes up all the time.  There are circ'd people and intact people.  You cannot know what your son will prefer, nor what his futur partners will prefer.

Further, your husband would not cut off your child's arm to make him look like him, if he had lost his arm.

Regards

[MadHghtsMama]

Thank you for all the input. I dont think he would attempt taking our son to get circ'd without my consent. I think he'll be able to get over it if I just gently plead my case. You're right ElliesMomma I shouldnt have said I dont care about his opinion.

[A&A]

Here is an essay for JUST YOU to read and think about............do NOT show it to your dh.

http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/vincent/vulnerability_of_men.html