overdue, feeling discouraged

[mariekitt24]

Hi guys,

Im currently four days "overdue", and Im just feeling really discouraged.  This is my second attempt at a homebirth.  The first one I remember trying every trick in the book to get things started, including taking that vile castor oil and nasty black and blue cohosh tincture. I ended up going 2 and half weeks overdue before my midwife used an ..extreme method.. to get things going which did bring about labor but also made it come on unbearably strong.  So I ended up transferring to the hospital to get an epidural because I couldnt handle the pain, and felt totally crushed since I had wanted a homebirth so badly and had believed so strongly in my ability to give birth without painkillers and in the end i couldnt do it. It left me feeling traumatized and ive felt wounded ever since.  So I was scared enough already to attempt another homebirth again as it was.  I've tried to have courage and faith that this time would be easier but its been a long scary suspenseful pregnancy.

So I really didnt want for things to get to that point again.   I dont really buy into the whole "due date" thing anyway, and wouldnt mind so much,  except I can only go so long before having to be induced at the hospital since the midwife has a deadline, being licensed and all. Last time my baby ended up being nearly ten pounds, (and I was a first timer)  and we can tell this one is no small baby either, so the clock is ticking.

I just wanted a normal home birth, without all the agonizing suspense and desperate attempts to get labor going.  I'm so jealous of the moms whose babies come near their due date, or that have smaller babies.  I keep praying, trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do.. am I just supposed to go get induced at the hospital like all my friends? Is homebirth just not "meant" for me? People already think im crazy for attempting a homebirth in the first place, im starting to wonder if maybe they are right. They all just go get induced a day before their due dates and think nothing of it.

Ive been taking a bunch of pills my midwife gave me, and trying to walk a lot. 

I guess I could just use a little friendly encouragement and advice. thank you..

[star8kitten]

Hugs and hang in there!  I had a really hard time going into labor with my second one after my water broke and felt like I was on a clock with a giant alarm bell that would ring and I would have to go the hospital.  Needless to say, all those negative feelings did not help my labor get started.  I felt like such a failure and just kept wondering what was wrong with my body!  Castor oil has worked both times for me and for my third, I am hoping to have that "typical" home birth without the castor oil.  When labor came with my 2nd, it was so fast and hard I freaked out.  turns out that baby was hitting the side of pelvic bone and would not engage.  Very painful and I really did lose it.  I am 90% sure my midwfie was about to transfer me when it all happened at once and he was born.  I felt like I had failed since #1 I had to work so hard ot go into labor and #2, when it happened I freaked out in labor.  I don't know why we have the crazy expectations of ourselves but I just wanted to let you know I have been there too.

[jenninjapan]

I wish I had my own story to tell you, but not yet!    I know the last few weeks are tough physically and such an emotional roller coaster BUT life is SOOOOOO much easier with a little one inside you!  So I would say the most important thing for you to do is get a back massage, get a foot massage, get some nice acupuncture (which will relax your whole body) and just TREAT yourself.  Watch crappy movies, leave your other LOs with DH and take as much time as you can for yourself.

And I do not think you are crazy for wanting a home birth.  I actually tend to believe you are all the more NORMAL for wanting one.  It sounds like you are in a frustrating situation.   My advice is to let go.  Your options are wait until your baby decides to come on his own which would be a 50/50 chance of a hospital birth depending on timing or to be induced and give birth at the hospital which is a 0 chance of a homebirth.  OR say to heck with it all and do a UC.  If not having control over your own place of birth is what is bothering you, would that be an option?  You do not HAVE to be induced.  Your body can do it!

Good luck and hope your little one arrives soon!

[mariekitt24]

thanks guys.

Originally Posted by jenninjapan 
 OR say to heck with it all and do a UC.  If not having control over your own place of birth is what is bothering you, would that be an option?  You do not HAVE to be induced.  Your body can do it!

Good luck and hope your little one arrives soon!

well I have strongly considered UC in the past, but at the end of the day Im just not confident enough/ educated enough. Especially after the first labor, I lost a lot of confidence that I could do it without drugs at all, regardless of how overdue I go.   So it just double sucks that Im still waiting, on top of already lacking confidence. 

[EngineeringMama]

You may have another option...

My understanding is that your midwife isn't obligated to MAKE you go in for the induction.  So after you gestate too long to have her legally attend you at home, that you go meet with her back-up and decline the induction.  She's done her part,  the doc has done his/her and all are legally good. 

THen you continue to wait patiently, when you go into labor on your own, you labor at home and then go to the hospital, whatever one your insurance will cover and be 'delivered' by the doc on call. Have your MW attend you as a doula at home and in the hospital.  And if her back-up is willing to deliver you when you do go into labor naturally all the better.

At the very least, talk to MW about doulaing for you if you end up in the hospital for a planned or unplanned hospital birth.

I happened to read this, this morning it may give you some encouragement. A great blog with a bunch of stories of healthy happy post dates deliveries.

http://www.glorialemay.com/blog/?p=107

In the end, I think it comes down to what's most important. A home birth or birth when your body and baby are ready. 

Please do some deep thinking and let go of your fears and regrets. That will help tremendously. It certainly got my week long labor going with #2. I purpously conciously let go and within 2 hours baby had arrived.

Talk to baby (and at the same time yourself) and tell baby how prepared you are, what you know now about childbirth that you didn't last time, how you intend to cope better, how you are so ready and excited for baby, how you are lovingly prepared to calmly welcome baby.

And if you can't honestly say those things to yourself and baby, work on releasing those fears again and again until you're honestly ready and open to a beautiful birth.

I wish you peace and serentiy and courage.

[happynaturalmama]

It's been awhile since you posted this, so I'm wondering if you went into labor!  If not, will your midwife let you go over 42 weeks if you consent to u/s or NST?  That might be an option.  Good luck hun, and if your baby is already here, congrats!