Anyone else losing their mind?

[sg0306]

I'm writing this post to find out (hopefully) that I am not the only one who is going through this right now...

All I really want to know, which I think will somehow comfort me, is that I'm not alone.

I feel like I'm losing my mind a little bit each day.  I've been a stay at home mom now for almost five years.  I have a four and a half year old and a one year old.  I am the very last person who should complain.  My husband does very well, and I never have to worry about bills, money, etc.  We live in a beautiful home, and I drive a brand new luxury car.  I can shop when I want to, and buy what I want within reason.  My point is I don't have to worry about a lot of the things that many people do in today's world.  My husband travels for work, and he's gone every week from Tuesday morning until late Thursday night...some weeks he leaves on Monday.  So basically I'm single parent who doesn't have to worry about finances.  

I've reached a point of extreme loneliness.  Most times during the day, I run errands, workout, etc...fill the day the best I can.  The afternoons are the worst for me.  I feel so alone.  My husband and I have a strong relationship and we talk on the phone as often as we can.  He hates being gone too, but we can't walk from the financial reward right now...we are only 30 and are in a great spot...really setting us for a great financial future.  Some days I want to tell him it's not worth it, and I'd rather live in a tiny apartment and have him home.  I just keeping thinking  I need to suck it up.  Growing up, I didn't have much, and my parents were not able to help me with college.  My husband has even been able to pay off my $35,000 worth of student loans.  In addition, our kids will not have to worry about paying for college.  It comforts me that they won't have to grow up like I did...hearing my parents stress about the bills, not having enough money for things, etc.

We just moved to a new area, and I don't even feel like I can present myself well to new people because I'm in such a bitter state.  I feel so isolated, but I can't put myself out there because all that is on my mind is that I'm going crazy staying home with the kids.  I don't even want to interact with other moms because I'm so tired of talking about kids and sleep schedules and preschools and the little gym and developmental milestones.

I just want a piece of me back.  I don't even know who I am anymore or what makes me happy or what I enjoy.  I am always tired.  I'm always giving and cleaning and feeding and taking care of everyone else.  I just want to have fun.  I feel an overwhelming responsibility.  I feel like a bad mom.  I feel like I should enjoy this and be grateful that I can do this.  I feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, and I feel trapped.  I feel like my husband goes out into the world and gets to experience life.  I go to the grocery store and talking to the clerk helps me to keep my last bit of sanity.  Even the tiniest conversations make me feel better.

I wish I could find someone near me...another mom...who feels this way.  So that way I could start a new friendship yet be honest about myself and how I feel right now.  I don't want to be a drag or a downer or that negative person.  That's why I'm looking for someone who feels this way...someone that I can help just as much as they can help me.  I guess I just need understanding.  Someone to tell me that this is normal, that it's just a phase, that all mothers feel this way at one time or another.  

Help!  Are you out there?  Are you losing your mind too?  Do you love your kids, but miss you?  Do you not want to work while your kids are little but are going crazy staying home?  Do you get bored with the typical mom's group?  Are you slowly going CRAZY????

Please write and tell me your story!  

[applecider]

OMG. Are you me? This could not have come at a better time, literally seconds before I saw this new post, I was thinking...I'M GOING NUTS!!!!! While yelling at my child for the 3rd time to brush their teeth. I have to take said child to school now, but I will be back. My DP also works out of town Mon-Thurs night...it's exhausting...but like you, it would be hard to give up the financial reward that he makes doing that. Not to mention there aren't really any other jobs out there right now...

Be back soon...

[sg0306]

A quick response!! Yay!  Well, not glad that you're going crazy too, but glad that someone can relate!

Where do you live?  How old are your kids?  Tell me more about you.

[sg0306]

One more thing...don't you feel like if your husband came home every night that you could cope?  I feel like my life would be so different, and I don't know that I would feel so overwhelmed with staying at home with the kids.  Maybe I would, who knows?

[applecider]

I just posted about this in another thread. I have two boys, 5 and 2. The older one is in K. I live in Washington state, in a very small town where I don't know many people. I did join the YMCA back in November and only because my DP is gone so much. I needed a way to get a break everyday and the kids can be in the child watch area for up to 2 hours. Plus, exercising has really helped my mood! I try and make regular plans with the friends I do have and also try to realize that it will not always be like this. I'm thinking about applying for a job that is actually here in my town and only 8-16 hours a week. Not for money, but for my sanity!

I do feel like life would be better and frankly, my relationship would be better if my DP was home at a regular time every night. There would be more of a rhythm to our days and more overall harmony. This has been tough on mine and DP's relationship, but maybe it has helped us grow in ways that we wouldn't have been able to otherwise. In fact, his working (extra $$ and having Fridays off) has allowed us to do couple's counseling. So I do try to look at the positives.

As far as friends go, it has taken awhile to make some pretty good friends. I moved to this town 3.5 years ago and I FINALLY feel like I have some real friends. It has taken a lot of effort and I've needed to step outside my comfort zone, but if I don't, then I won't have the relationships that I long for.

Do you have any family around? I do try and go to my mom's and spend the night once a week. She lives about 30min from here and I still have to get up and get the kids out the door to drive DS back to school in the am, but it is worth it for some adult company over dinner and help with bedtime!

Also, are you kids in school? I met one friend that way, from my son's preschool class. Of course I knew her for 2 years before we ever made plans together! Also, I have made a couple of good friends from meetup.com and the local (45min away ) AP group.

[hippiemum21580]

I can relate! I am a stay at home single mum of five boys ages 10, 7,5,3, and 2 and I also provide childcare to a two month old and part time to a 4 year old. I am so thankful to be a single mom who can stay home with her children and be home when my older boys get home from school. BUT, it can be very hard to make friends. and after a few consecutive days of being in the house it sure can feel like my brain is turnin to mush. There are days I vent......but I have to remnind myself it could be worse. I would rather be alone than deal with my ex and all his issues with drugs, etc..... I would ratherbe home with my kids than havethem in daycare and miss so much.....It is a choice I have made. The pros do balance out the cons though somedays I just want to run down the street screaming. My fiance passed away in january. Not having him here really makes it hard. Ihave to take the first step often to call a friend and say hey, come over for coffee or whatever just so I get adult convo! I wish more often myfriendswould think tocall me first but if I wait. I will sink into depression mre than likely. That is key for me. Taking initiative. I take the kids for a walk or to the park if I need a change ofscenery, etc.... And I am learning to ask for help.

[asraidevin]

Treat being at home like work. I don't mean work your butt off.
I mean give yourself a direction. Whether you start a blog, start learning a craft, garden, read 50 books this year, train to run a marathon,

Set goals.

I write a bit of fiction everyday (well almost everyday). I have more creative projects on the go than you can shake a stick at. I read A LOT both fiction and non-fiction that interests me.

[sg0306]

Thanks for the ideas.  Guess I'm just yearning for companionship...I do workout, I read a lot too...I just miss socialization.

[Emma Bryan Fuller]

this is me too!  except I do envy some of your situation. I only say that to make you feel better :) 

I live in the Caribbean, no family, no playgroups. Most kids my daughters age(2) are in daycare. We live in a tiny 2 bed apt...five of us.

I get very lonely and don't have many friends. Hubbie is a pilot(struggling!) so away a lot too. I feel like when he does come home I would love to have it a all together but I am usually a babbling mess!

I was such a different mom when my boys were toddlers..now 7&9. We were in Australia then and they didn't go to school but oh my there was playgroup after playgroup and parks etc. Maybe if you do try a few playgroups you will find a good friend. I think initially it is all about sleep and diapers but when you get to know a few people it gets deeper and more interesting. Your old self will come right back. I go days and only speak to cashiers etc. I make so much effort to make friends. i have been friends with a Venuezualen family for 3 yrs but we are so different. They spank their kids and well just parent very harshly. The boys are at a private Montessori, mostly Dutch...it's a Dutch Island and they don't include me ever. I have tried!

I yell more now and feel like i am not enjoying my 2 yr old at all and wish time away.I am in a daily struggle to keep the place clean..ish.

My only advice is to put yourself out there....the rewards will come bouncing back, really. Soon you will have friends popping around, calling etc  It makes a world of difference. This was my life in Oz...I put myself out there and had so many good friends. Being a sahm was too easy. Hanging out in amazing playgroups drinking coffee!  There were the groups like music/swimming that were all about the kids but there were many that were about us the Moms just needing to unwind.

I wish you the best

[sg0306]

Thank you so much for your response.  It was the perfect mix of "I feel you..." and here's some advice.  Thank you for understanding and pointing out that if I could just force myself to get out the rewards would come.  I hope your situation gets better and mine too!  Nonetheless, I will listen if ever you need anyone :)

[asraidevin]

Then make your goal to talk to people. If you go  to the gym, make a goal to talk to 2 different people everyday. Or get to x number of playgroups a month and talk to three moms there and get one phone number. ... Like you are in sales but your goal is to sell yourself. :)

Originally Posted by sg0306 

Thanks for the ideas.  Guess I'm just yearning for companionship...I do workout, I read a lot too...I just miss socialization.