Seriously considering giving our pug to a pug rescue..... How can I make this easy on my kids?

[amyandelle]

I cannot deal with him anymore. We got him for free off of Craigslist over the summer when he was a few months old. He is now almost a year old and he is still driving me crazy. He is hyper and destructive. He is crate trained however he has taken to pooping in his crate from time to time and making a huge mess of it and himself. I have been going back and forth with the idea of giving him up for weeks now and the only thing holding me back is my 7 year old. I am 11 weeks pregnant and I have a small tear between my placenta and my uterus. I am on pelvic rest and I am supposed to be taking it easy in general. This morning I woke up to him covered in poop so I had to wash him and his crate and my kitchen floor. I am still shaking inside and know I am not taking it easy enough. I know which rescue I will be giving him to and they take re-homes very seriously so I know he will get a good home.

Can anyone give me suggestions on how to make this eaiser on my kids?

Thanks,

  Amy

[MsFortune]

Ugh.  No fun.

Just rip off the bandaid.  While your kid is at school, drop the dog off or have them pick it up.

When he comes home tell him the truth.  Momma is sick and cannot take care of the dog, so he is going to a new home where someone can take care of him. 

Your son will be sad but he will get over it.  He should be sad - it will be painful for him.

[binga]

Although my kids are much younger, we recently found a new home for our 60 lb Catahoula.  We had her for 6 years (adopted from petfinder) but we just couldn't deal anymore for a myriad of reasons - none of which sound good on their own, and all of which add up to serious frustration. 

We left to visit the grandparents for a while and came back to no dog in the house.  We can still see her and have a few times since we got back.  All I can say is, you may get some serious flack for wanting to give your dog away, but my life is SO MUCH easier!  AND, I know for a fact that my dog is now getting TONS more attention on a daily basis.  Plus, the new owner is SO happy with her, that it seems like everyone gained from the transition. 

Good luck, and do what you need to do, however you can. 

[MsFortune]

I agree with Binga.  Do what you need to do.  It will be painful, but you really can't risk your pregnancy cleaning dog poop.

I had to give away one of my dogs about a year ago.  I'd had her for 10 years and it about broke my heart.  But she snapped at my toddler and bit him (drew blood but not a serious bite).  That was that.  I found a new home for her.  I loved her, but in a decision between what is good for my family, and the dog, my family wins. 

[amyandelle]

Thanks Ladies.... I sent the e-mail to the rescue so I am waiting to hear from them. I already talked to the girls and explained the situation about my pregnancy (which I had not yet shared with them) and they are actually ok. They understand that the health of our new baby is the most important thing right now. And I also explained to them that the rescue will give the dog a very good home so they can rest assured that he will be given lots of love and attention.

Amy

[Ldavis24]

You do what you gotta do mama,

but I do want to say that the suggestion of just giving the dog away

while your LO is gone is so cruel. I was about 8 when my mom and her partner split up, my mom dropped us off at a friends

house and went back and packed our stuff. We had 4 dogs and she took 2. I never saw the other 2 again and it devastated me.

If I think about it a lot I could still cry, now almost 20 years later. It killed me to not even get to say goodbye. It's not something I am

ever going to forget and I would never ever do that to my kid. Please let your LO say goodbye to the dog even if it means a big scene

and lots of tears.

[dalia]

Originally Posted by Ldavis24 

You do what you gotta do mama,

but I do want to say that the suggestion of just giving the dog away

while your LO is gone is so cruel. I was about 8 when my mom and her partner split up, my mom dropped us off at a friends

house and went back and packed our stuff. We had 4 dogs and she took 2. I never saw the other 2 again and it devastated me.

If I think about it a lot I could still cry, now almost 20 years later. It killed me to not even get to say goodbye. It's not something I am

ever going to forget and I would never ever do that to my kid. Please let your LO say goodbye to the dog even if it means a big scene

and lots of tears.

This. It sounds like this is what you are doing.

[amyandelle]

Yeah, I definatly want the girls to say goodbye. We have been talking about it all day and they really do seem ok with it.

I may have actually found a good home for him through my best friend. A friend of her's is actually looking to adopt another dog. She already has a yorkie but her other dog passed away a while ago and she is now ready for another one. She is retired and treats her dogs like they are her children. She is thinking about it tonight and we might meet up this weekend with her to see if our dog gets along with her's. This would be great if it works out...

Amy

[Ldavis24]

I hope it works out for you and for doggy mama.

It will be hard for them to say goodbye but I seriously was so traumatized by mom doing that to me. There was other stuff going on in the situation that made it difficult for her to let us say bye to the dogs (I actually never even went back to the house, let alone saw the dogs....another story though) and she was doing what she thought was best but I don't think she realized the lasting impact that it would have on me. I still wonder how they did (the dogs) although they are definitely dead now.

I hope this lady works out!

[binga]

Didn't want to suggest that I advocate giving your dog away without saying goodbye.  My girls still see Tess from time to time as I mentioned, so we haven't actually needed a permanent goodbye.  Also, my two year old may be too young to really process what 'saying goodbye forever' would mean anyway.

We also gave our dog to a 'friend of a friend' who had her own dog pass away.  Really a wonderful way to be able to do it!

One thing to note is that when we do see our dog, she doesn't seem to associate us as her owners anymore and it has only been a month.  She is, however, extremely attentive to her new owner.  I'm confident that she is a happy girl!!

[Arduinna]

I would give him to the rescue, they will find him the forever home he deserves. He is already facing his 3rd home in a year. I urge you to please give him to rescue so they can properly place him in a home where will be happy and safe. This friend of a friend is a very nice person I'm sure but I'd still give to rescue.

Poor puggie and poor kids.

BTW, I just wanted to say that it sounds like the pug is not getting the activity he needs. While pugs are great lap dogs they still love to play and get pretty wild especially when they are young. Daily walking and training sessions would make a huge difference in his behavior.

[Otto]

Just by talking to the rescue, it sounds like you're being more responsible than the source. I don't know if it will fly with your kids, but the end result isn't that far from fostering, which is a Good Thing.

[amyandelle]

Thanks everyone :)

He is still here. Dh and I talked last night and we have noticed that Elle our 7 year old is not coping well with the idea of giving him up. She seems to be convincing herself that he is a "bad dog" and it is just rubbing me the wrong way :( I made the bad decision to get this dog but my kids should not have to suffer because of it. He is a good dog, just very much a puppy. So we are looking into a good obedience training course to get him enrolled in. I spoke with a few trainers this monring and I am still waiting on call backs from others. I really hope that with some training we can make it work.

Thanks,

  Amy

[dalia]

Hooray! I know it's hard but it will be worth it. Every day I think about how easy it would be if we rehomed our two troubled rescues with awful habits... but we love them so we deal with it. Best of luck to you and your family.

[daisymama12]

Oh, I hope that you're able to work out the issues!

Hyper and destructive can both be quelled enormously with exercise and some mental stimulation, like time spent learning obedience, tricks, etc.

Good luck, I bet your daughter will benefit from your decision.

[Ldavis24]

If it makes you feel any better, OP. DH and I have a running joke that we like our dog now but we will LOVE her when she is about 7 years old and has slowed down a bit :)

The joke being, we of course love her to pieces but she can be challenging. She has an extremely intense prey drive and even with training bolts at times. I know that some habits can be intensely frustrating!

Whatever you do when don't hire a trainer that uses punishment as a means of learning. 

Shock collars, choker collars and the like cause more harm than good.

Goodluck with your puppy, honestly I think a new home might be better for the dog but I can totally understand and respect why you are trying. I hope it works out for your whole family and your daughter can be happy and keep the dog, or at least learn to cope if you can't keep it...

Just out of curiosity is it possible your daughter has heard you or your DH call the dog a "bad dog"...My DD actually repeated that once after she heard me say it to DH, describing how our dog was a bad dog for eating half of DD's crayons, which I left out..

[catheleni]

hi amyandelle,

as an animal rescuer and early childhood teacher, i thought i'd weigh in:

i agree with everyone that if you do give him up, it's best to be honest.  and then be honest with your family in the future....can you see yourselves without a dog at all for the next 18 years?  if so, then responsible give-up sounds like an option.  but if you think it's just him and his behavior, then the message it send to the kids, i think, is that you can "give up" on a family dog, rather than "he's our dog no matter what."  does that make sense?  i'm thinking of people who've given up multiple pets, only to adopt one after the other.  doesn't sound like that's where you are going, though.

i want to advocate and say to make sure that the pug rescue or rescue group is no-kill and reputable. 

also, i'd say if you do adopt to someone else, i would have them sign an adoption contract.  you could just write one up and copy details from any online rescue's contract, you know?

however, if you are really going to keep him, good for you!  pugs are wonderfully energetic dogs!  he probably does need more exercise!  he's neutered, right?  that's a big thing.  there are many safe dog activity toys like kongs, etc that can keep him busy.  i'd really search online for pug info about their tempraments and use it!

hope this helps a bit.

[binga]

I want to stress that I think our dog is just so much happier now that we've found her a new home.  You may want to keep your pet, but there is also the potential that your pet may be better off elsewhere.  Our dog is now getting way more exercise than I had time to give her and attention out the yin yang as the sole 'kid' in her new family.  When we do see her (about once every two weeks for a fun walk) she is happy to leave and go home with her new owner to whom she is super attentive.  My two year old has easily accepted that Tess now lives with 'Ms Linda'.  And when Tess comes to visit and knocks her down two or three times in half an hour with near misses of head splitting, our toddler seems to 'get' that we are all happier now and is fine when Tess leaves and the chaos level decreases dramatically.  All dogs and kids are different though, so I guess you have to judge what is best for your dog and your family.

[Emma Bryan Fuller]

Whatever you decide I hope it is right for your family. I do think it's important to stick to the decision you make.

You daughter needs to feel like this isn't an on-going thing. Also, soon your dogs puppy days will be used up. There are a lot more people wanting to adopt puppies.

Good Luck :)