DD keeps hitting DS! Help!

[Phoenix~Mama]

I'm at my wits end with what to do about this.  I know DD LOVES DS.  She gives him lots of hugs and kisses and generally looks out for him... However, she has been getting more and more frustrated and acting out more and more.  The only thing I can pinpoint that she is getting frustrated about is not enough time with me.  She sees that I have to hold DS a lot to feed him, when he's fussy, etc... and she still wants to be held often too.

Last night she kept coming up and hitting or pinching DS, or trying to pull him off my lap!  I started off with my normal thing, "gentle touches, hitting hurts people."  She looked right at me and hit him again.  I move her over to the couch and return to feeding DS.  She immediately gets back up and comes over and hits him again.  I'm losing my cool and Mama Bear Protector of DS is kicking in big time.  I grab her hand and tell her "STOP hitting your brother, you can hurt him."

She immediately hits him again, and yes I'm sitting there with my arms around DS to protect him.  I move her to the couch again and swat her bottom.  (yes I know how counterproductive that is, and it's sending the total wrong message)  Re-direction failed me, using statements and showing gentle touch failed me... and that one usually works really well to remind her!!!!  

I was so upset with her and so upest with myself.  I don't want to be this parent.  I don't want to lose my cool with DD... I don't know what to do when she keeps hitting DS and all the GD things I've read are failing at re-directing her to stop!  :-(

After a moment, when DS had ate enough to not freak out when I put him down, I scooped up DD and cradled her and rocked her and told her I was sorry for losing my temper and spanking her.  That all hitting is wrong and Mama should not have done it and she should not have hit her brother.  I told her I loved her very much and I didn't want to see her get hurt by anyone, just like I love her brother and didn't want to see him get hurt either, and that is why I told her to stop hitting.

For 2, I'm surprised she followed all of that, but she snuggled next to me and said no hurt brother and the rest of the night went pretty well.

But, I know there will be more times that she gets into this hitting phase.  This isn't the first it's happened, nor the first we had a talk and she seemingly understood.  

I hate how upset I get... but how do you not get upset when you see your baby being hit over and over and they are screaming, and they just want to eat?  It was so frustrating.  :-(

And, no... there is no one around to help me.  I am alone with the kids at night, after a long day at work.  By time I pick up DD from daycare I've already been up for 11-12 hours, and there is typically another 5-6 hours to go until bed time.  

So... what do you do when you have siblings hurting each other??

[Super~Single~Mama]

(((HUGS)))) PM!!!

I don't have 2, but my ds is the same age as your dd.  The ONLY thing that has worked for us in regards to hitting, has been time outs.  When the pack n play was still up I would put ds in that (he can't get out).  Could you try that, and then as soon as ds is done eating, cuddle and hold dd?

OR - can dd feed ds?  She might not be quite old enough, but maybe you can all sit together on the couch and she can help hold the bottle? 

((((HUGS!!))))  You're not a bad mom.  You're doing the best you can!!

[Phoenix~Mama]

I've tried having DD feed DS on several occaisons... it doesn't go well.  She keeps yanking the bottle out of his mouth and giggling hysterically over it, wheras he gets more and more upset and screamy cause he just wants to eat.  :-/

She is pretty tall, and can climb out of a pack and play pretty easy, with likely falling and getting hurt in the process, but she could easily scale the sides.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Hmmm.....I've used my ds's high chair as a time out spot too.  Not the best, but when he's buckled he can't get out.

You could also just repeat over and over and over and over again "this too shall pass, this too shall pass"

[texmati]

My kiddos are also really close in age (both are younger than yours, though), and the only thing I know to do so far is just to keep them apart, adn keep practicing gentle touch. We try really hard to set up situations where there is positive interaction, but other than that, separate, separate, separate.

[Phoenix~Mama]

Well, the separate thing is pretty hard as there is only one of me and I can't really have either one of them off in another room on their own. 

I tried having DD help feeding DS yesterday and it went much better!  She didn't constantly yank the bottle back out of his mouth.  She actually played with him really nice yesterday and they were smiling and talking to each other.  Very cute!