XH trying to take DS for pretty much the entire month I'm due - do I have any recourse?

[minkajane]

XH has always been difficult about his parenting time. He's never once gotten him on a Wednesday, is constantly late getting him and bringing him back, changes the schedule all the time, etc. I'm due with DS's first sibling around April 21st. XH keeps changing back and forth from getting DS on Fridays or Saturdays, claiming his work schedule keeps changing and he doesn't want to leave his GF alone with both kids. I am sick of it and I told him last night that he needed to follow the standard court order he agreed to and that's it.

So now he's claiming that he's getting DS for the entire week of Easter for Spring Break. Not only is that the week I'm due, but my sister is coming down that Saturday from across the country, which is NOT supposed to be his weekend. He has never once taken DS for Spring Break or summer. DS is school age and even though we homeschool, the week of Spring Break for the local district will be the week of the 4th, so he should be taking him that week. On top of all that, he and his GF announced last month that their wedding day would be the Saturday before my due date, so he'll be with them that weekend too. So He's going to end up having DS for more than half the month I'm due.

I told XH that if I'm in labor, DS needs to be here even if it's his weekend. He announced that he didn't care if I was in labor, I wasn't getting DS on his time. I wouldn't stop DS from being with him if his GF was in labor (she's pregnant too) and I have a feeling the courts would back me on having DS present to meet his sibling.

Also, do I have the right to request a home visit by a social worker to XH's house? He's living in total squalor (always has) and there's trash and empty alcohol bottles laying around all over the place. His XGF called CPS about it, that's how bad it was, but they didn't do anything. I hate having to send DS there every other weekend. He comes back reeking of cigarettes, exhausted, and the last two times he's been unable to tell me what he ate other than Poptarts and cereal.

I know this is long and complicated. Is there anything I can do?

[aricha]

If you are insisting that he stick to the agreement and that is that, I don't think you have much recourse if he wants to actually exercise those rights as they are written in the agreement. I think your best option is to argue about when "Spring Break" will occur, and what the intention was when you filed it. I think the local school district calendar is perfectly reasonable, since that is what you would be following if he were enrolled in school In fact, if you have to register or something with the local school district as a homeschooler or notify a particular school system of your homeschooling status or whatever, that would probably give you an even stronger case for following that calendar.

If dad (or you) wants to change the definition of Spring Break to something else/more specific, now or for the future, the two of you should agree to something more specific and agree to it in writing. I could imagine, for homeschooling, specifying that it will occur the week before Easter every year or the week after Easter every year, or saying it will occur one of those weeks and your ex will decide which week he wants by such-and-such a date. Or even that it will occur sometime between March 1st and April 30th (or whatever) fro Saturday to Saturday (or whatever) and ex will tell you by Jan 1st of each year which week he will exercise his right to "spring break."

[FireFrog]

Unfortunately, most courts would probably not place a high priority on your son meeting his sibling. In fact, most courts place the highest premium on the relationship a child has with his or her parents. That being said, I understand your desire to have him there, and I agree with the pp about your best bet -- follow the school calendar of the local district.

Your best recourse to his wishy-washy behavior is to do what you said -- follow the court order exactly. However, this means that there is no flexibility for you, either.

Good luck!

[minkajane]

Little update - he's agreed to let DS be there for the birth and for my sister's visit from CA if I don't fight him on getting him Saturdays instead of Fridays. I never had a problem with him getting him Saturdays, it was the fact that he changed it every few weeks that drove me crazy!

He says he's going to write something up, so we'll see what he comes up with and whether or not I'll agree to what he decides to write.