What should I have done?

[Lisa1970]

DS9 and DS6 both had friends over tonight. Both boys friend 9 and F 6 are very sweet nice boys. We ordered pizza and were having a nice evening. Then all 4 boys went upstairs and were playing, but were rough housing. I went up, with ds 18months old. They were running back and forth between bedroom and playroom with toy foam swords and nerf guns (that hit so gentle that it does not even hurt my 18 month old). I suggested they maybe do something different as I was afraid someone would get hurt but they said they were fine. I was thinking about articles about raising boys and did not want to be prissy about everything. I was still there, in the bedroom, with the 18 month old as the boys came and went. About this time, friend 6's dad arrives to pick him up. I went and got friend 6 and DS6 breaks out crying (which was probably more that he did not want to see his friend go, he never sees his friend anymore) and says friend 9 was hurting friend 6 by hitting him with the foam sword. I asked friend 6 if he was hurt and the child was perfectly happy and said he was fine. They go downstairs and DS6 keeps harping that friend 6 was hurt by friend 9. Finally, once in front of the dad, friend 6 breaks out crying and says friend 9 hurt him! He said "he hit me here and here and even in my privates" while pointing everywhere and crying. I was so embarrassed! I explained to the dad that he was fine 2 seconds earlier and that I was up there with them. The dad was nice about it. But my husband and I were mortified.

What should we have done different? My husband said to not let ds6 friends play with ds9 friends anymore. But seriously, these were the 2 sweetest little boys and no one hurt anyone. The boy was fine. I guess maybe we won't have both boys have friends over at the same time, but I did that because they tend to fight over friends when only one has a friend over. 

Should I call the mom and explain what happened or just let it go? 

Thanks in advance for your help!

[zebra15]

I'd let it go.  Sound like the kids got 'wound up' and had a bit of playtime drama.

[beanma]

I think that I'd probably let it go unless you just really wanna call the other parents. I don't think it's too big of a big deal. You could tell your kids that they can always come to you if they think play is getting too rough and that no one should hit anyone in the privates because it's private and it hurts a lot and might even hurt with foam swords. I think this is one of those situations where you could say something at the time, but if you say something later it makes it out to be a bigger deal. I might've said something to friend 9 at the time, but I wouldn't go calling his parents now.

If you're still feeling bad about it you could call friend 6's parents and just say something along the lines of, "We really had a great time when friend 6 came over and so sorry he was upset when he left. Did he stay upset very long? DS would love to see him again soon. They seemed to have a really good time until right at the end."

hth

[meemee]

yeah as beanma said i would call and check up.

honestly i dont think you should stop the kids coming over. in fact when you see them go crazy like that settle them down and do something that will calm them down. 

now i have a dd with friends who are boys. they all listen to me when i tell them its story time and i read to all of them. 

the key then is to just calm them down. in whatever manner you feel will work for them. even if they dont want to i've had groups of 6 kids between the ages of 5 and 10 sit down for story time. 

[ssh]

We have sword rules for our foam swords. You can hit other swords or things like trees and toy dragons but not people. And we don't allow using sticks and harder objects as pretend swords. Our DD is 5 and we've had these rules since she was 3. Getting whacked in the face with a foam sword hurts.

It does sound like some after playtime drama.

[4evermom]

Probably the boy was a bit overtired...  I wouldn't worry about it but a check up call to the 6 yo parents would be reasonable.  See how things look on their end of things. 

I do tend to give kids guidelines with the foam weapons.  Some of them don't seem to realize they really can hurt if they whack with all their might.  I tell them to aim for swords or shirts ("shoot shirts" if they are using nerf guns).  My own son was getting annoyed today by another 9 yo (not anyone we knew) at a foam sword event who kept whacking him hard (including the face) when they were on the same team.