Advice on 1st Birthday?

[LoveBabee]

My son's first birthday is coming up. I would like to have a small party for him on a Sunday for two hours at 3:00. The guest list would be 12 friends he sees regularly who are his age and that baby's mother. We will be having the party at our small home, if everyone came it would be 26 people including myself and my husband.

I can't make the guest list smaller because these are all women from my close-knit breastfeeding group circle. Word would get out if I picked and chose and to do so would be too hard anyway.

Do you think it is rude for me to address the invitations to the child and his/her mother so that it is a hint that the husband/partners are not invited? I can't fit another 12 people in this house with room for the little ones to play.

[P.J.]

I voted that hubbys don't care because, at least in my case, he sure wouldn't! I also would think nothing of it if only me and the baby were invited. After all, have you even met any of the dads?

The only exception is if you regularly socialize with and are also friends with any of the husbands. We do have a couple friends with kids who we are friends with the whole family and so we would invite papas as well.

[Knitting Mama]

I probably wouldn't go without my husband to a weekend party. The weekends are the only time we get to spend together as a family, so it's pretty important to us.

Can you have a party for your breastfeeding circle at the regular time you all meet, or another weekday time when you don't expect the husbands to be there anyway?

[texmati]

Originally Posted by Cecilia's Mama 

I probably wouldn't go without my husband to a weekend party. The weekends are the only time we get to spend together as a family, so it's pretty important to us.

Can you have a party for your breastfeeding circle at the regular time you all meet, or another weekday time when you don't expect the husbands to be there anyway?

this is a good idea, if your husband can get time off at the same time.

[Addie]

Originally Posted by LoveBabee 

Do you think it is rude for me to address the invitations to the child and his/her mother so that it is a hint that the husband/partners are not invited? I can't fit another 12 people in this house with room for the little ones to play.

Maybe I'm just clueless, but if I got that invite I might still assume that DH was invited, and that you just addressed it to me and DS because you knew our names from your BFing group. You might need to be more specific if it's only for moms and babies. I understand your concerns about space, but I tend to think of these events as opportunities to meet other moms' DHs, and for the DHs to socialize.

[SilverFish]

i don't think it's rude, exactly, but i do think you should rethink whether or not you can fit them. we have just done a whole slew of 1st birthdays among our friends, and it was a nice opportunity to get to know some of my closest friends' partners, and those meetings have led to other socializing which has been great.

you're going to have three groups of people:

those who will come with their partners because they want to stay together as a family on weekends, and because they want to socialize with their friends' families.

those who will only come with their babies because their partners aren't interested in going, have other commitments on that weekend (such as work, sports etc) or just don't mind spending weekend time without their partners once in a while.

those who won't be able to come at all because weekends are filled with spending time with family, traveling, or other commitments. 

we have had a LOT of weekend birthday invites over the last few months, and we have fallen into each category at different times. i very much doubt that every single person in your group will be able to make it, and i doubt even more that every single partner of the people that do come will be there. if your apartment is small, that is perfectly understandable, and people will still be happy to come and spend some time there, but there is no way all 26 possible guests will all be there.

i think it would be rude to state that you aren't inviting husbands in a more overt way, and you will be missing out on some good relationships if you do (not to mention, how boring for your husband to sit in a room of 12 women that he hasn't met). a better way to mitigate the crowding would be to host a more "drop-in" style party, so it's more accommodating of people's schedules, and not everyone will show up at the same time.

[Parker'smommy]

We would probably send our regrets to that kind of invite. Like another poster said, weekends are family time. So, if we are going to do something on the weekend, we all attend. But, that's just our deal, not everyone's. 

I like the idea of holding a party for your little one and his friends during the weekday. That way, it will stay small. We've been to plenty of these types of parties for my kids when they were little. It was a great way for the hostess to keep the party small!

[Ellien C]

I wouldn't think it odd at all. With multiple kids it's often the case that one parent is going one-place (lesson, sports or just a fun outing) while the other one has the other kid. If the partners come, will you then end up with older siblings? That would be more of a concern for me than the guys. You shouldn't worry.

[Adaline'sMama]

I would address it to the baby, and no parent. Most dads arent going to want to come, so I dont think you'll have a problem. Plus, if you are planning for 26, its more likely that only 20 will come, so if one or two dads show up you'll still be under the number you planned for.

[LoveBabee]

Thank you everyone for the replies.  I made beautiful papercrafted invitations tonight and will be having the party on a Monday afternoon. 

Thanks again for so many replies and for such thought put into them.

[1stTimeMama4-4-10]

We have decided to do two parties - one for our friends who all have little ones, one for family .  The friend party will be: 3 couples from our birth class that we are still close to and 3 couples that DH and I are close friends with all of whom have had a child in the last year. So all together, that's 14 adults, 7 babies.  I know for a fact that one couple won't come (but I am still inviting them), and I am sure that at least one or two other people won't make it - likely one of the husbands. I am also considering inviting grandmothers to that party.  The second party will be for family - really just an excuse to get together and my MIL offered to host it.  I want to be sure to invite everyone who we truly want in our lives because if not now, when will we be able to maintain the connections? I think it's really important to have couple friends who have kids - just as important as having individual momma friends and I would not want to slight the husbands or imply that we were any less interested in their friendship. 

I went to a party this weekend where both friends and family came and it was huge and we didn't see the birthday boy (or his mom) more than ten minutes! So I totally get how if the party was too large it might not be as fun.  However, if the husbands all had a chance to socialize and the moms had a chance to socialize and hang out with the babies, it might work out nicely even with a lot of people. I'm curious to know how the OP's party goes!