My big long annoying vent... I just really need someone to 'hear' me. :( - Page 2

[Neera]

I couldn't read this post and not reply. I suffer from some of the things you say u suffer from - depression, low energy, anxiety but not the abuse, just some assaults by strangers and acquaintances (which still makes me v. angry sometimes but I don't think it has messed me up in any way other than the anger towards them.)

About ttc, we were trying on and off not in a v. planned way for about 6- 8 months and then in a more conscious way for 4 mths.The first time just for a lark I had used an acupuncturist after trying for about 8-9 mths. After the 2nd session of acupuncture I conceived. I decided to try him out again. He thinks it's a terrible idea. I have v. v. low energy levels so how will I be able to go thru the pregnanacy, child birth and caring for the new born. We have help from my inlaws which is miniscule. (not their fault or anything)  It seems v. little because it feels like I could do with a lot more hlep. We have decided to not ttc but I am doing the acupuncture along with chinese herbs anyways to get my energy levels straightened out. They have asked me to try and rest as much as possible which is hard to do with a 4 yr old. The conventional fertility treatments mess up ur hormones so thankfully I never thought about it. But, my gyn did say maybe the body is not producing any eggs. I was going to ask her to do the tests to see if I was or wasn't producing eggs if the test wasn't invasive. No clue how they do it. But, that's out now.

I have some weather related depression especially in September when it first starts to get dark earlier and the air gets colder. But, a while back my sil mentioned how in her job she came into contact with farmers who relied on the rains and were delighted to see the rains where as rains used to be depressing to me. After that I have started looking at the changes in the weather in a more positive way.

Dd was a high-needs baby too. She woke me up for the pacifier every hr all thru the night every night until about 18 mo when we started co sleeping. But the wakings for feeds continued till about 2 + and then until 3.5 she would feed bfor sleeping and there would be a few rounds of milk bfor she fell off. My theory is that the child can gauge the stress and gets stressed him/herself too. Just something I think happened in my case at least.

I have to lose about 30 lbs easily to be at my ideal weight but even if I lost 10 lbs which was my pre-pg weight I'd be happy. I totally don't feel like socializing because of my weight. I just don't have any time and any way to get out of this cycle to be able to take care of myself and I don't even work. Which brings me to the question. How do you work with social anxiety?? Don't you have to meet people through work? I saw this book at my acupuncturist's office and borrowed it from our library and would like to recommend it: Courage The Joy of Living Dangerously by Osho I have read about 15 pages and seem to love it.

And finally,  Please be gentle with yourself. I wasn't and in the last month I am being nicer to myself and I think it help even if a little.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by Neera 

Which brings me to the question. How do you work with social anxiety?? Don't you have to meet people through work?

It was a huge struggle at first, but I need to do it to bring in the paycheck so I just do it... and I find it's much easier for me to talk about neutral, work-related stuff (about which I am very knowledgeable) than to talk in more personal settings, when really unexpected questions might come up, etc.

One of the issues with TTC is that the medical issues I'm dealing with completely went away for most of my pregnancy with DS. I guess that's typical of autoimmune conditions... so in some ways, it makes me want to be pregnant again even more badly, because that was the only time I felt good. But then of course there is the issue of how I'll feel AFTER the baby is born (plus PPD) so I do feel like it's a bit nuts to be TTC but I just really want a big family.

Thank you for your post, I'm glad to feel less alone at least!!

[ElsieLC]

When one person in the house is out of work and looking for a new job, everyone is miserable. I think it heightens our awareness of all the things that are broken, about to break, need mending, need replacing...stuff you ordinarily wouldn't look at because you know you'd get to them eventually.

Sounds like you're in a big In-Between stage in your life:  DH is between jobs, the house is between remodellings, we're in between seasons, and so on. I find the In-Between stages the hardest. I can handle one or two things in my life being unresolved, but my stress starts to mount when there are three or four. Sometimes we just have to wait out these stages, which is dreary at best.

If you're interested in nutritional strategies for coping, I found The Mood Cure to be very readable and easy to implement.

And your life will get better!

[crunchy_mommy]

Thanks Elsie! That is a very good point, we are very much at an in-between stage with pretty much every aspect of our life.... And I am such a planner, like to know what's happening & when, etc. so it's even harder. Good thing to keep in perspective...

[texmati]

just wanted to check in with you crunchy mommy!

I was just thinking of this thread when I was talking to dh today-- I was telling him how much of my self esteem was wrapped up in having a highneeds kid. After having dd, I can see how someone has time to exercise, keep the house straight etc with an easy baby!

i hope things are going well for you mama.

[crunchy_mommy]

Aww thanks for thinking of me! Things are going a bit better now... I'm over the 'bad' hump and back on the way up. It helps that the weather is really improving. DS is going through a tough time lately but because he just went through an easier time, I can see that *maybe*... just maybe... I'm not a horrible mom and he just has his ups and downs. Though I have to say, I keep coming back to the food allergy thing and I'm hoping to figure that out someday. I've also been spending more time with my friends which is a HUGE boost to my mood. I definitely need more socializing in my life. I'm technically an introvert because I'm shy but I really do need the time with people & that's what I get my energy from. I'm still working on the abuse issue and it's kind of terrifying to think about and there are a lot of times lately that it causes me to just withdraw into myself. Even DH noticed a difference. I am at a loss for what to do about that aspect of things so I am trying to keep my focus on the things I can 'control' more...