Mom's of twiblings (2 in 2 years) *support only* thread!!!

[texmati]

I've been looking for a thread like this, but haven't found one yet!

I'm looking start a thread for support, commiseration and celebration of the unique challenges and joys of having two closely spaced children. I'm hoping experienced mom's can chime in, but I'd noticed a couple threads in this forum lately looking for help with a newborn and toddler, so I thought I'd post here.

Anyone interested?

[texmati]

I'll start: my (user)name is texmati, and my son is 17 months and my daughter is a month old.

The hardest part about this for me is the guilt. I feel so guilty all the time. I feel guilty when I focus on my son, I feel guilty when I'm focusing on my daughter. I feel guilty that I'm writing this post.... it's terrible.

The best part about this is seeing my son and daughter interact. I'm simply shocked that even at this young age, I can seen caring and compassion for his sister in my little boy.

[andielk72]

I was looking for something like this a few months ago. I've just "aged out" of the "under two" but was there recently ... my son was 19 months old when I had twin girls; he turned two last week. It was terribly tough at first. When DS was a newborn I never let him cry for a minute without trying to comfort him and was always trying to play with him and stimulate his senses ; during the first few months with the three of them there was barely a five minute stretch in the day when at least one of them wasn't crying and just meeting basic needs took up so much time there was no time for anything else. I felt so guilty about not being able to immediately attend to everyone's needs. It is still very hard to manage multiple babies but it is a little bit easier now that the girls are more alert and less demanding (n terms of feeding around the clock) and we can sing songs and look at books together and stuff.

One piece of advice that I got and tried to follow was to find a couple of 10 minute or fifteen minute chunks to devote 100% to the older child each day. He is going thru a huge change and needs some quality attention. I tried to find a time when the girls were quiet and put them in bassinets in another room and did something fun with DS. Short of a complete baby meltdown I did not interrupt my time with my older child. And each nite my husband takes DS upstairs about a half hour bf his bedtime and they play and read with out any interference. I felt/feel much better when we have given him some quality one on one time.

It is fun to watch them interact and as they grow the interactions will get even better - my son has jealous moments when he hits a sister or takes away a toy but for the most part he loves helping - he covers them with blankets, runs over to show them things presents he receives etc. He also loves to tell us when one of them has a dirty diaper :)

[penstamon]

I'll be joining soon, just lurking for now- I have a 19mo DS and a -10w LO TBA in May.   I felt a lot of guilt getting pregnant this time because I am afraid of what it will do to DS.  He's my little buddy.

[Marissamom]

I'm just about there. DD is 21 months, and I'm 39 weeks 3 days. so any day now I'll have two under two. 

[Kedrosami]

I'll be joining you in July when I'll have a 22-month-old and a newborn.

I'm super excited and happy but also terrified! I think it will be fine when DH is around, but I'm not even so sure how it's supposed to work when he's at work or has to sleep and I'm on my own and outnumbered! Eek!

Maybe someone who's BTDT can give me some reassurance...it seems all I have been hearing is how hard it is! :/

[nktigger99]

Well, I guess I am BTDT mom of having 2 under 2...I currently have a 34 month old and a 20 month old...My son was 13 months and 1 day old when his baby sister came along.  It wasn't always easy but honestly it was more fun then hard in my eyes.  The first 3 months we were in survival mood around the house...the house wasn't spottless...laundry wasn't done all the time.  Our main focus was the kids...that for us was the key to making it doable and enjoyable at the same time.  My kids now are pretty good together...the sleep together for naps all cuddled up...but they do fight and hit each other but the majority of the time they share nicely and love to give hugs and kisses to each other. 

As of June I will have 3 under 2 for a short time...I am 23 weeks and 6 days pregnant with twins...then we will move to 4 kids 3 years and younger!!!!   I think it will funny those first few weeks to be able to say I have a 2 year old, a 1 year old and 2 newborns...lol...I can't wait to see peoples faces...lol

[insidevoice]

I'm another mom who has moved past the two under two  place.  They are 14 months apart and while it was hard at first it's a lot of fun now as they are so close and have so much fun together.  I love first thing in the morning.  Each one sleeps on one side of me, and  whichever one wakes first always leans over to the other with a smile to wake the other for a day of mayhem.  The first few months really are all about survival, but once they get a little older you have a little more time to yourself as they entertain each other. 

Babyproof- if not everything, at least have one area that is truly stress free.  For us, these areas are our living room, our bedroom, and the long hallway between the two.  You can relax more when you don't have to worry that they might be getting into something they shouldn't.  

I love seeing how close they are, and how they always think of the other. 

I made some cookies last week.  My older child wandered over, and I offered him half a cookie. He took that half, then reached for the other half as well. Before I could say anything, he presented it to his younger brother saying, "Share."  They sat together on the floor smiling and nodding at each other as they enjoyed their cookies as I watched and realized that for them, there really is no line between friendship and brotherhood. 

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by texmati 

I'll start: my (user)name is texmati, and my son is 17 months and my daughter is a month old.

The hardest part about this for me is the guilt. I feel so guilty all the time. I feel guilty when I focus on my son, I feel guilty when I'm focusing on my daughter. I feel guilty that I'm writing this post.... it's terrible.

I relate to this A LOT.

[pearl2]

I joined y'all on 2-28! Today is my first day with both girls by myself. My Goal for the Day is to feed everyone. That's it. Both are now sleeping so I might grab a shower and sit in my sitz bath. It is more important than me napping as well right now. So far, so good. 

I've also enjoyed reading www.babybunching.com to see other people's perspective on having 2 (or more) close in age. 

[texmati]

ooh yeah! I'm so glad that there is some interest!

Congrats to all the new mama's and soon to be mama's again joining us. I've changed the title here to be more inclusive-- hopefully it makes sense.

Andielk! Thanks for your response. It so wonderful to know that you are surviving, and even have tiem to post a little lol!! I've been trying to do what you say-- devote some time to each one. In my case, my big(er) baby is much louder, demanding, and in your face-- I often find myself putting the newborn in her playpen/baby hammock etc while she's awake for long periods of time. I've tried to make a concious effort to give her more face time since reading your post, and I think it's helped with bonding with her.

gg want to reply to everyone later!

[nktigger99]

The title is funny...I will have 3 kids in 2 years...4 in 3 years....

babywearing was a life saver for me when my daughter was tiny...she was getting the bounding but I could care for my son at the same time.

[mckittre]

Sure - I'm just past the 2 under 2 stage, though mine are 22 months apart - not as close as a lot of you!   My son is 24 months, and my daughter is 2 months.  She is a fairly happy baby, and as such, gets a lot less attention than her brother did.  If she's happy, she's often left to do her thing.  Talking to other new moms with 3 year olds, though, I'm not convinced that a 2 year old is really any harder.  Except for the extra diapers.  And trying to potty train one while nursing the other....  And carrying both at once (2 wraps are a lifesaver).  For those who aren't quite there yet, I'll say I'm very glad I nightweaned my older one and moved him into his own bed for most of the night (2 feet from ours) before the newborn came.

[KayTeeJay]

I'm here too! My ds1 was less than a month shy of 2 when ds2 was born. Ds2 is now 10 weeks old. The hardest thing for me was/is that DS1 isn't completely weaned. We're getting closer, but it's hard for him to understand that he has to wait sometimes. I've found myself nursing both at once more times than I can say! He's also watched more tv than i would like, but it's WordWorld 90% of the time so at least it's mostly educational. Co-sleeping has been a lifesaver, as has my DH.

Posting from my phone now so this is short, but I will post more later!

[prothyraia]

Subbing!

My two are 20 months apart (the younger one is 2 1/2 now, wow!), and I'm expecting another in June.  It'll be interesting (terrifying?) to see how different the transition is with a 4 year old and a 3 year old as the older siblings instead of a 20 month old...

[mckittre]

Hi KayTeeJay - Our kids are almost the exact same ages!  My little one is a new years baby as well, and my older boy was born 2/14/09, so just a few weeks younger than yours.  My 2 yr old isn't weaned either, though he accepts distraction most of the time after the initial novelty of nursing with his sister wore off.  We're down to a few times a day (unless he's sick, like today)

[MsFortune]

I just aged out - my kids are 20 mos apart at 6 mos and 26 mos.  

It's been challenging.  I feel, like the rest of you say, that I am not doing a great job with either kid, or that I am balancing demands from the two all the time.  I guess I assumed that my toddler would be more independent by the time the baby was born, and if anything, he was even more demanding.  

I got lucky - my baby is a very easy baby, and from an early age was pretty good at entertaining herself.  I was worried that my toddler would be the one to get shorted on attention - but it ended up being the baby.

I'm not happy about it - but we watch A LOT of TV these days.  It's just so hard to balance, and I am so tired from work and just need a break.

I think we turned a corner in the last few weeks though.  My son is starting to interact with the baby - he plays peek a boo and brings her toys.  She's almost sitting up and so I think he gets that she is a person now and wants to engage her.  Their dynamic is fun, and I can see that they will be playmates soon.  He is also communicating more and having fewer tantrums.  So there is hope - it gets easier.  

[texmati]

I've been trying to think of a short catchy title that will encompass what I mean-- basically mom's of closely spaced kids (csk's?)

I wish I could make babywearing work for me-- I have a wrap, but by the time I get her in there, she wants to eat... by the time I finish feeding her, everything (including the wrap) is soaking wet from milk and puke, and she's asleep. Maybe as she gets a bit older?

Originally Posted by nktigger99 

The title is funny...I will have 3 kids in 2 years...4 in 3 years....

babywearing was a life saver for me when my daughter was tiny...she was getting the bounding but I could care for my son at the same time.

[lovelybaby]

I'm due in August, and mine will be exactly 24 months apart. It's interesting to read what others who have gone through it have to say. I have to say I am a little worried about how my DD will react to the baby. She is pretty jealous, so I already know there will be an adjustment period; I just hope it's not too rough on all of us.

[MsFortune]

Originally Posted by lovelybaby 

I'm due in August, and mine will be exactly 24 months apart. It's interesting to read what others who have gone through it have to say. I have to say I am a little worried about how my DD will react to the baby. She is pretty jealous, so I already know there will be an adjustment period; I just hope it's not too rough on all of us.

For what it's worth, we were worried about jealousy and it has not been an issue.  Toddler DS does not want to share toys with the baby and will pull them out of her hands.  And when I am holding baby, sometimes he will try to climb in my lap too (which I let him do).  But really, not so bad.