It makes me feel sooo good to read , that I am not the only one , who feels like some of you guys .
My first was a cesarean and he was positioned really badly , so in his case , I know , it was necessary .
But number 2 was different , I was induced , because the doctor felt "it was time" (for who?) and after my body was fighting the labor-inducing meds for 4 days , I was finally at 7 cm and transition hit me like a lead curtain , I had such an urge to move and they kept making me stay on my back "to rest" , so he got stuck .
And instead of trying to change position , they wheeled me into the operating room , before I knew , what happened .
3 and 4 were born at a different hospital , totally unmedicated , uneventful births , without any induction , labor - enhancing meds or any other interference , I think I was not even hooked up to the fetal monitor for more than a few minutes at a time .
Painful , wonderful , self-powered births , I thought , THOSE BABIES WERE BORN BY ME !!!
My last , overdue , but otherwise fine , no heart problems or anything else like that , yet , the doctor , when checking me during an exam , breaks my water "to get things going" (without asking me first , of course )
Needless to say , the only thing , that was going , is , that my NOT-READY body was fihgting the meds they had to give me after my opened membranes and the baby had so much stress , that after 3 days in labor , I ended up with another c/s because her heart rate went down to 50 .
So , to this day , 10 months later , I am mad , and upset , every time , I hear of somebody giving birth naturally , I want to hop up and down and scream or punch something or someone (preferably the doctor ) , and cry at the same time , it makes me so ANGRY
And even though , I love my kids , all of them , more than I could ever put in words , I only delivered two .
The others , I was pregnant with , then they got cut out of me and that was it , but I did not give birth .
And hearing those stories , like , that I should be happy , that I have a healthy baby , well BLABLABLA ...
Of course I am , but I am not healthy anymore , I am scarred , I was dominated and violated , my wishes were completely ignored , I was treated like some uninanimate object , not a living person with feelings and rights .
In the Bill of Human Rights , it says , that every person´s dignity is untouchable , oh really , that must end at the door to the delivery room , because nobody seemed to give a damn about my dignity .
Sorry , this is so long , but the truth is , I really believe , the only thing , that will help your SIL heal once and for all and come to terms with her grief , will be a successful vbac .
At least , that´s how it was for me .
And as you can tell , it is still a very sore spot for me .