How do I tell my boss I'm not coming back to work after the baby is born?

[mugglesmom]

Ok, here's my dilemma... I started a new job in November and found out I was pregnant like 3 days before I started.  I told my boss already and she was fine about.  I don't qualify for paid time off or FMLA until I've been here a year, not ideal but not the end of the world since I don't want to go back to work after the baby is born anyway.  I don't make a whole lot of money and to stay at work and put the baby in day care would eat up almost my whole paycheck.  Plus this job is stressful and sucky and I've always wanted to stay home when we started a family.  So I don't want to come back after the birth.  How do I tell my boss I'm not coming back?  I don't want to tell her too early because then I may lose my insurance before the baby is born but I don't want to be a jerk and leave everyone high and dry when I'm gone.  I really want to give them as much time as I can so they are prepared without screwing myself in the process.

What would you do?

[kriket]

Honest question, no snark- How would you lose your insurance?

I wouldn't worry too much about feeling like you are leaving the high and dry. You would be taking off for maternity anyway, so they would be covering you, now they just know to fill your spot permanently.

I guess it would depend on how your boss is. If she's going to do things like cut your hours or insurance, then fart her, she can be high and dry. Otherwise, just let her know whenever you are 100% sure that's your plan so she can plan.

I know when I got about 34w my boss came and asked if I was coming back :) Many women don't especially after their 1st. Things change when you become a parent! Priorities shift!

[mugglesmom]

If I technically stop working there before the baby is born then I'd lose my insurance.  I'm afraid If I tell her too soon she'll just say my last day is whenever I plan to be out for maternity leave.  So, if I'm done before the baby is born then I'll stop getting insurance through them and I'd like to keep it as long as possible. 

So far she seems cool about everything but she's young and unmarried and really into her career so I just don't know if she'd understand the stay at home mom thing.  I on the other hand already get depressed thinking about having to be away from the babe at all!  Is it possible to miss the baby before you even have it?

Does that make sense?  I'm kind of sleepy today so I'm not functioning at a very high level. 

Thank you!!

[Narleegates]

I'd stick with the 2-week rule, take maternity leave as you would regularly do and then at LEAST 2 weeks before you are due to return to work, give them notice that you will not return, you could give it earlier, but I would at least give them 2 weeks, that way, they've already planned to cover you through your maternity leave, and aren't necessarily hurting there but they also have time to find someone to fill the position permanently

[Tilia]

Yes, if you get 6 weeks maternity leave, after 4 weeks you could put in your two-week notice.

[serenityjewell]

I agree. Take off the time that you are allowed and notify them 2 weeks before you are supposed to come back. It is work. They will figure it out. Don't feel too obligated to think about their future. Think about yours and your family's first!!

Sarah*

[AnnieA]

Something to consider: Do you pay any portion of your insurance out of your check? If so, will that temporarily be suspended while you are on maternity leave? If so, what is the standard plan for paying that money back? At my job, I pay for a portion of my insurance so when I return to work, they will take out an extra bit until I've paid back what should have been taken out while I'm on maternity leave. If I quit instead of coming back to work, I'd have a big chunk of money to pay the company.

[Maurine]

I feel stressed about work, too.  But keep in mind...it's just work.  And it's not a career and it's sucky.

But one question I would have...what is your plan for insurance once you quit?  If you plan to buy your own insurance, you might consider having it kick in a few weeks before the baby is born just to make sure you're covered (check to make sure it's not a pre-existing condition.  I think that varies by state and by insurance company).  It might be a few hundred dollars, but it might also bring peace of mind!

[mumofmak]

Insurance issues aside - I'd take your maternity leave as you've planned and then let them know after the birth that you've decided you want to stay home with baby.  No one can blame you for that! But again, that's assuming that you're taking time off after the birth anyway - even when you don't qualify for FLMA. Does your boss expect you to be gone a few weeks anyway?

[mugglesmom]

Thanks for all the advice!!

AnnieA - I do pay some out of pocket for insurance.  I didn't consider that.  I'll have to look into that.

Maurine- We plan to get insurance independently (same as before I had this job).  You're right about getting on top of that as soon as possible. 

Mumofmak- My boss does expect me to take the time off regardless of my eligibility for pay.  We haven't discussed how much time though.  She's out of town working quite a bit lately so when she gets back I'll have to talk to her about that too.

Ugh!!  I wish this wasn't such a hassle!  Wouldn't it be nice if someone else had to take care of all the stressful things in life while you're pregnant?