3 YO and sudden potty "accidents," not listening, dropping nap all at once

[swd12422]

It's like the "Terrible Twos" are hitting us. But I'm wondering if this is more than just a phase.

DS is normally a great listener and has really amazing manners. When he "forgets" his manners, I gently remind him and he knows exactly what to do.

He has been PLed (daytime dry) for nearly a year with minimal accidents. He has had only one full-soaking accident, and that was last week, and it happened b/c he didn't want to stop playing to go. The rest of his infrequent accidents are spots, also b/c he didn't want to stop playing to go. Lately he has gotten more and more upset about using the bathroom, refusing to go when I know he needs to, then running in there 2 minutes later. When I ask him to go, he cries hysterically like I'm asking him to kill a puppy. Then, before he can even finish on the toilet, he's insisting he does NOT need to wash his hands, and cries again if I disagree. Last week, starting with the big "accident" he had four altogether, 1 each day. I lectured him about listening to his body and going when he feels he needs to. The past few days he has been announcing to me that his body is telling him to pee, and he goes, and we celebrate and talk about how well that works. Today he went to preschool and I forgot to make him go before we left the house. (One of our "rules" is that we don't leave if we don't pee.) No biggie, I usually have him go at school, b/c they have the small toilets that he likes. He refused to go at drop-off. I let the teacher know we'd been having issues, and to make sure he used the bathroom soon, and possibly frequently during the morning to avoid an accident. We both told him to listen to her and go when she says to go, and he agreed. I reminded him about listening to his body. When I picked him up 3 hours later, he came to greet me and said,"I'm wet." I asked what he meant, and sure enough, he had peed in his pants and didn't tell the teacher. (It wasn't a full gush like last week, but enough to soak his underwear and get through to his pants. I was livid. I asked what happened, he said, "I don't know." I scolded him and explained that he can't go to school if he does this. Then the teacher came over and I told her what happened, and she said he didn't go at all during the morning -- he kept refusing when she asked. ARGH! What IS this??

He has also fallen off the "good listener" bandwagon. I ask him to do ANYTHING, and he says no. Or nothing and doesn't do it. DH hates it when I yell, but I feel like that's the only way to get him to hear me. I try not to. DH tries not to yell either, but when DS ignores him, DH slaps him upside the head to get his attention. Far worse than yelling... :( We have talked about it and we both don't want to continue this way. We are in agreement that we need to temper our reactions to this, but we don't know how to help DS through whatever this phase is.

Yesterday, DS had a meltdown (his first ever, I think, at least of this kind) b/c I drew something on a sheet of paper. (I was testing a pen to get the ink flowing and scribbled on the desk blotter.) Hysterics. Totally not like him at all.

And yeah, he refused to settle down during "quiet time," during which he generally falls asleep, all week.

So, is this a growing phase, or is all the difficulty due to his lack of napping? He's not sleeping longer at night on the days he doesn't nap, so he could be tired, but he just won't nap. Today, I think it finally caught up with him, or he was exhausted from the morning, and he slept, but I'm not convinced that's going to end all of this.

Sorry for the ramble, I just thought the context might help...

[Katielady]

I found three a LOT harder than 2. Lots of "attitude," (for lack of a better word), regressions, just a whole spectrum of behavior that made me feel like I was going to explode with frustration.

My advice is to go back and reread some of your favorite parenting books or maybe check some new ones out of the library, just to get some techniques you can use to address the behaviors you want to work on. I really like Time Out for Parents. And just breathe, and know that your kid is probably fine and normal and that this will pass!

[Tjej]

3 is definitely a new ball game with my DS.  We EC'd with him and he'd been daytime accident-free 95% of the time since 15months and he randomly had a few accidents right at 3.  He really somehow thinks he can push his body to the absolute limits and then needs to pee instantly and is mortified if he has a dribble miss...

Anyway, a few months in and he quit that (knock on wood) and only had a few accidents total from whatever that was. 

He's still much harder to handle in some ways than he was at 2 - more frustrated, maybe?  For us the dropping of the nap is DEFINITELY part of the issue, and even though it makes bedtime later I do still have DS nap some days because he just can't handle life without that rest.

Good on you for wanting to calm down and get control of your yelling and DH's hitting - I find that when my children aren't listening to me it helps to just get to their level and not repeat myself but ask them to tell me what I said.  If they say "I don't know" I ask them to think about it and see if they can figure it out.  I wait.  If they really don't know I will tell them and get them to repeat it to me, but usually they will come up with whatever it was.  A "time in" spot can work great for helping you and them calm down.  If tempers flare you just always go there and cool down.

 I can't fix your problems but I can offer empathy.  We've got 3yo attitude issues right now too.

Tjej

[Drummer's Wife]

3 is sooo much more challenging than 2 (at least it was with all four of my kids).  No advice, just wanted to say hang in there.  My youngest turns 4 in a couple weeks and I feel like it's getting much better with him recently. Mine all stopped napping around their 2nd birthday, so he could very well be ready to give it up. 

[onyxravnos]

yep it's the terrible 3's not 2's.  annoying, frustrating, maddening, normal.