Seperated from husband, have restraining order..do I need to keep him updated on kids?

[muslimahmama]

First of all, I want to thank everyone who took the time to respond to my last post. I have been dealing with a lot of stuff this week and haven't had the time to speak to lawyers yet, but I was actually given a number of a lawyer who is a friend of a friend.. so I will call tomorrow... I was just wondering, do I need to keep my ex updated about the kids, and send pictures, etc? We have nothing in court, I have a valid restraining order against him for me and my older boy (new baby isn't on it) He is in probation for domestic assault which is the reason I left him.. his PO told me I need to send updates to HIS mom so she can forward them to him. So my question is.. Am I legally required to do so? Will I look bad in court if I have not? I plan to file for divorce as soon as possible. Thanks a lot..

[MariesMama]

IANAL, but ... NO.  If he asks about the children, then I would be polite and respond, or send pics if he asks, but you are not required to do that.  Is he allowed to contact you at all?  I've never had a restraining order, but are you two allowed to talk or email? 

I wouldn't refuse to send information or pictures.  If his mom asks for updates, I would communicate with her.  But you are probably in no way required to keep him updated.  I've never heard of that.

[syn_ack89]

You should ask the lawyer. IANAL, but I would think contacting him would be a big NO-NO.

[syn_ack89]

IANAL = I am not a lawyer.

[MissLotus]

Well, as you've learned, his PO has no right to ask for anything on his behalf.  Don't do anything, make any contact, UNTIL you get advice from a lawyer!

[One_Girl]

I don't think there is any legal requirement for you to initiate contact.  The terms they tack on for divorces with children in my state say that parents can't block certain types of access like phone calls, volunteering in school, and such (though with a restraining order that is probably different) but there is no legal requirement for initiating access.  If the PO is asking for the pictures on your ex's behalf then the court may see it as you blocking access if you don't send the pictures or at least an update on the baby who is not on the restraining order, but you really need to talk to a lawyer first to determine that.  He can't contact you personally because there is a restraining order so they may consider his PO's contact as valid if he does try to say you are blocking access.  I suggest talking to that lawyer asap. 

[kythe]

In my experience, the purpose of a restraining order is to prevent contact between the parties because contact has historically been violent.  The restraining order doesn't directly prevent you from contacting him, but this isn't always a good idea since it shows you aren't taking your own "no contact" rules seriously.  It can make it look like you aren't really afraid of him if you continute making direct contact.  Sometimes contact may be done through a third party, and is often court ordered in this way.

You do need to talk to a lawyer though about how this affects your case. I know that sounds really cliche, and lawyers are so expensive, but it is true.

None of us here can give legal advice though, only relating personal experiences.  The problem with that is "personal experience" can vary according to what state you are in, what your specific situation is and the charges (and related evidence) presented, what kind of a restraining order you have and what kind of activity specifically is included, and even whether you have a lawyer.

[Kwan*Yin]

When I first left and got my restraining order my lawyer advised me to have zero contact with my ex until the courts ordered otherwise. The point of that was my ex could unleash his anger out on the kids or attempt to take them and for safety purposes that is what we did. It didn't work against me. I'm curious as to why you didn't request temporary custody orders through the restraining order? It is better to do it that way. At this point you will have to consolidate the cases so that the restraining order case is included.