Tandem nursing

[annan617]

I recently found out I am pregnant and I am still nursing my 2 yrs and 2 month year old daughter. I nurse her twice a day before nap and before bed time. She doesn't ask for it any other time and it has become more of a sleep association. I never planned to breast feed her for so long but we are both attached to it and enjoy it so we carried on. I am nervous about tandem nursing. I don't want to wean her because she is so attached so I am thinking about tandem nursing but I am so worried about how we will do this. She is very attached to me-if I I hold another friends baby then she gets really upset so I have no idea how she will react if she sees me nursing another baby. I would appreciate any advice form anyone who has been through this before. Thanks.

[annettemarie]

I tandem nursed a couple of my children, and there were a lot of benefits. The beginning was the toughest (although I had no engorgement, thanks to tandem nursing! ) but I loved seeing them curled up together. Kids are really resilient and can adapt to new ways of doing things. Do you have any specific questions?

[annettemarie]

Also, congratulations!!!

[annan617]

Thanks! 

I think what I am concerned about is if my toddler gets very jealous of me nursing the baby how should I deal with the situation. She will be almost three by then so I do feel she will be able to understand if I explain to her but I was wondering if this is a common situation.

The second question I have is my daughter only really nurses to sleep but I am worried if its that time and the baby needs nursing how should I handle it, stop nursing my toddler or put the baby on at the same time-I doubt my daughter would go to sleep then. Should I pump some milk and ready for the baby just in case. 

My mother would be totally against me doing this and I am not sure what to say to her. She is shocked that I am still nursing my daughter so I think she would explode if she thought I was thinking about doing this.

I guess I am concerned about the practical issue of tandem nursing. I ordered a book from the library "Adventures in Tandem nursing" but I will have to wait for a few weeks before I get it-I want to be prepared if I have to go down this road.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

[Thandiwe]

Adventures in Tandem Nursing is an excellent book!  I think you will really enjoy reading it.  I am tandem nursing, and I was very nervous before I began.  My middle child was 2 years and 4 months old when my 3rd child was born.  I have now been tandem nursing for 13 months.  There are some practical issues.  My first time tandem nursing was the afternoon after my baby was born.  It was very awkward, I won't lie, and it was scary to me.  I'd never known anyone else who tandem nursed, and I too have a very mainstream family.  They have been a little shocked by things I do in my family, from extended breastfeeding, etc.  But I felt very strongly about it, so I decided to trust my instincts, knowing my middle son still needed that connection.

Kids are incredibly resilient, you'd be surprised.  Over the next months, your little one will watch as you grow and the baby grows.  During the preparations, your little one will get the chance to see first-hand efforts towards getting ready for the new baby.  It won't be such a surprise.  And she will love the new baby too.  Nursing together will help the two of you adjust.

  Take a deep breath.  You have many months to prepare, and time will have a way of getting you and little one ready.  Read Adventures; it is a great book to help get you ready to tandem nurse.  And trust your instincts; don't worry about what other people think.  I thought I was going to get all kinds of nasty comments, but honestly I get a lot of people who pretend like they don't see it () even though it's obvious they are pretending.  I guess that's way better than some snide comment!  It gets waaaaaay easier!!

[durafemina]

I've been tandem nursing for 20 months now - though I never *intended* to. A surprise pregnancy meant a small age gap and a very attached nursling!

I think dd latched on the morning after ds was born and it just felt nice and cozy to have them all snuggled up with me in bed.

The lack of engorgement (it came, but toddler instantly cured it!) was fantastic.

The hardest part was putting dd to bed after Dp had gone back to work at 2 weeks. It was very awkward to nurse them both lying down in bed because ds was still little and needed to be in a certain position. After awhile I gave up and would nurse dd to sleep on the couch in the darkened living room with ds nursing at the same time. On most nights they would both fall asleep, I'd put ds down somewhere safe, pop dd into bed and then return to ds (or take him to bed too and crash myself!).

When dd turned three she also became *much* easier to negotiate with (she was 21 months when ds was born) and I could introduce things like "milk until I finish counting to x" or "milk when the sun comes up" or "milk when you're ready for bed and in your pyjamas". It's great!

[Caterina]

My DD was a very attached nurser when I got pregnant last summer and we definitely weren't ready to stop that relationship. Around 4/5 months pregnant, my milk supply totally dried up and it hurt a lot to nurse her (by then she was down to 3 times a day and we had just nightweaned her) and she basically weaned herself, knowing it was hurting me. For these last few months she likes to hold my breast with my nipple in her palm before bed, and sometimes when cuddling in the day, and I've always been really open with her that she can nurse again if she wants to when the baby is born and I have milk again. Now that my colostrum is starting to come in, and she's getting her 2 year molars, she's been wanting to suck again at bedtime most nights. She's only 2y5m but she seems to really get it that the new baby will only be able to nurse and that she can nurse again too, but that she gets lots of healthy nutrients from other foods and drinks too.  You still have lots of time to help your DD get used to the idea, and there are lots of ways your nursing relationship can change and shift in really positive ways. 

I'm looking forward to tandem nursing any day now, but still wondering about the logistics of it all. I'll try to post again in the next week or 2 when our new baby has arrived to update!

[Caleeco]

I also found that Adventures in Tandem Nursing was a great book. The best thing I gained from it was confidence to follow my instincts. I am a tandem nursing mom to DD 3 yrs old and DS 14 months, and though it has its challenges, it is a wonderful experience! My simplest advice to you is to believe in yourself and know that you can do it!  I found that once I realized tandem nursing was a possibility, despite what many well intentioned other mothers tried to tell me, I felt very powerful about my decision to let my DD wean when she was ready. It is sooo satisfying to know that I am providing both my children with emotional and physical nourishment at the same time.

DD and I  had a lot of discussions during my pregnancy about how the baby would be sharing milk with us and how, although she could eat lots of yummy foods, he could only drink milk. And as far, as jealousy went, it wasn't until DS started eating other foods and becoming less of a baby that DD started feeling a little bit threatened.

DD also likes to nurse to fall asleep, and has since DS was born. I never needed to pump breast milk, I just juggled their schedules or had them both nursing at the same time. I do that even now--DS has designated my left breast as "hers" and the right as "his."  It works just fine for us.

If you are worried about how to tell you mother about tandem nursing, you might want to wait. That is what I did. When I recognized that someone opposed the idea of nursing 2 at the same time, I just said, "I want to try it and see how it goes" then when they saw that I was doing it happily and successfully and that both my children were healthy and happy, there wasn't much more for them to say!

[fyrwmn]

my older ds was 17mo when the baby was born. i spent alot of time talking to him during the pregnancy about how the baby would share milkies with him. our first time tandem nursing was the afternoon that littlest ds was born. it wasn't planned that way, but when ods came to visit us the baby happened to be nursing and he wanted to join in. it was a bit awkward and FAR from discreet lol, but it worked. i worried about what my mom and mil would think, but mil has really surprised me. (my mom isn't involved with the kids at all so i'm not sure she even knows that ods is still nursing, though she knows i nursed dd till 2yrs). mil was present for the birth as dd's support person, and was also present for our first tandeming, and has been very supportive. i've found that overall people have been very supportive (or at least if they have bad things to say, they don't do it when i can hear). my dr (elderly male) told me that he'd told his wife about the "supermom" who was going to nurse 2. even all the nurses at the hospital thought it was great (though they kept commenting on the baby getting milk immediately and i was too tired to keep explaining that he was still getting colostrum like every other newborn). i find that as long as i present it as if it were an every day occurance that all women tandem nurse and have the attitude of "well of course, why wouldn't i tandem nurse" that no one really asks any questions.

as for jealousy, you may be surprised. my ods was/is very attatched to his milkies but there has been no jealousy at all. sometimes they nurse together and sometimes apart. i'm not sure if all the talking about it during the pg helped or not. i just did my best to make sure i wasn't refusing him when the baby came. i generally have quite the oversupply, so it is rare that the baby eats more than the one side. i just offer whichever side is next to be nursed to whichever boy needs it. judging from the way the baby is growing, 8lb10oz at birth to 14lb10oz at 3.5mo, it seems as though he's getting plenty :) . it feels like the boys are bonding quite a bit while they nurse too. they hold hands and stare at each other the whole time, or ods will pat the baby's leg, arm, etc.

it was the plan all along to tandem nurse them, as ods was only 8mo when i got pg. nursing during pg was difficult at times, and often i had to just take things one day at a time so i didn't feel overwhelmed. the payout has been so worth it though! originally i had planned on ods weaning around 2yrs like his sister, but now we'll just wait and see. i can't imagine that he'll be ready to wean in a few months and i have no desire to make him do so before he's ready. iagree with 'adventures in tandem nursing' being a great help. it had alot of info i didn't even realize i needed/wanted.

[gingerandpickles]

Adventures in Tandem Nursing is definitely a must-read.

If you're okay continuing to nurse for now, I say don't stress about what the future may hold. If you're only nursing twice a day, it won't be huge deal to squeeze that in along with newborn nursing. I actually found nursing a relief because it was the only way I got my three year old to stay out of trouble when I was feeding the baby!