Crying-in-arms? - Page 2

[lotta_earth]

To Tavamom, I am curious about your style. I have tried your suggestion of unlatching after 3 breaths w/o sucking and it is really working great!!!YAY.....

To explain my situation briefly: My son just turned 1 a couple weeks ago. He has nursed about every 2 hrs in the night since he was 3 mo. I want to continue to BF but trying to figure out how to get him to sleep a bit more in the night. A month ago he finally started eating meals (3x/day)and snacks. Though he won't drink much, I have tried many different bottles/nipples/sippy cups which so far work the best but he refuses to really drink. He may take a sip or two if I can sneak it in during meals. 

So I have tried your method the last 2 nights and he has slept 2hrs-2hrs-4hrs! The second night he slept 4hrs-11/2hrs-5hrs!!! Woo hoo. I am so excited and hopeful this will continue. Thanks for your information. But you were doing this on the way to weaning your kids right? Do you think I can do this for just night weaning??? 

Do you do this during naps as well? Is this your method or is this from a book? If so I would like to read more about. 

Looking forward to hearing back from you.

Carlotta

[sunnygir1]

Have you tried an open cup?  That is how my kids drink from the start.  We use water bottles, mostly in the car, with a sport top or sippy top, but at meals, etc. we help them with an open cup until they get it on their own.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by lotta_earth 

So I have tried your method the last 2 nights and he has slept 2hrs-2hrs-4hrs! The second night he slept 4hrs-11/2hrs-5hrs!!! Woo hoo. I am so excited and hopeful this will continue. Thanks for your information. But you were doing this on the way to weaning your kids right? Do you think I can do this for just night weaning??? 

I'm not the pp that posted, but my ds nightweaned at 20mo-ish, but he continued nursing until he turned 2 (and then he weaned mostly of his own accord, but his dad and I are not together, so he spent quite a bit of time with his dad over x-mas right before his b-day, and that may have contributed to the weaning).

[tavamom]

I'm glad my ideas are working for you!  Actually, I wasn't doing it only for weaning.  I did this with DS2 from when he was born, to keep him from spending all of his waking time on the breast like my DS1 wanted to do.  I had a hard time getting DS1 to sleep without me or be comforted without being nursed, and I had done the slow switch to 3-breaths-before-unlatch to break that habit, then to teach him to fall asleep without me lying next to him.  I continued nursing DS1 for a while after he was able to fall asleep without me.  With DS2, he seemed much more confident about not nursing all the time and wasn't upset when I unlatched him.  He just re-latched if he wasn't done yet.

When I did night-wean my kids, I found it very helpful to have them drinking water from some sort of cup/bottle (though DS1 would only drink from a water bladder, like a Camelback).  DS1 kept waking in the night thirsty until he was about 2, and DS2 is now 20 months and still wakes at least once per night on most nights for a drink of water.  So I wouldn't really bet on being able to truly sleep through the night without being awoken for a drink or diaper or something, though I've known people who get that earlier than I did.  If you're wanting to night wean you'll get to sleep through the night, it might not work for a while simply because of your son's fluid needs, in which case you could still nurse him if you wanted to for those needs.  If you're wanting the option of someone else giving him his nighttime drinks, night-weaning could certainly help.  

Yep, it's my method.  I just figured out what I thought might work and it did.  Woohoo!  ^_^

I get emails about the threads I've written in, but it only says the thread title and how many people responded, so I can't always remember what it was about.  I also don't always read the emails...  

Thanks for writing and good luck!  If you have any other questions, I'm always happy to talk about it. 

[megannt]

Thank you for all of the replies. I didn't realize that people were replying, I usually get email notifications but  they weren't notifying me! So sad I have been missing out on this great discussion.

My baby is 8 months old. When I let her cry in my arms, it is always my last resort. Like, I've nursed her and she doesn't want it anymore, she is obviously very tired, clean and dry, but just can't fall asleep for some reason or another. It doesn't happen all the time, but sometimes. Then there are times when my husband goes and gets her at night and she cries because its not me. I know I should nurse her, but some nights, I just got nothing left. It's such a delicate balance between meeting her needs and not driving myself to exhaustion. I really agree with the posters about nursing and comfort being a need, I had never thought of it that way before. But, then there are some nights when I start to feel frustrated/angry/exhausted and need a break or I might explode. She has been waking up every hour for about a month and usually I can handle it, but some nights its just too much.

It's just so hard to tell if we are doing too much, just enough or too little. I wish my little one could just tell me how she is feeling. It feels like a constant guessing game. I think I am just going to let her keep nursing to sleep because she is so young and I am going to wait a bit before I try something different because all of the things I have tried just aren't working. I suppose that is her telling me it's just not quite time.

[expat-mama]

Megan I'm right here with you. DS is almost 9 months and it's a really difficult situation with us, but different from yours I guess because your LO will stop nursing and not be comforted.

He has been in a spiralling sleep pattern for the last 2 (or 3?) months and it's gotten to the point that I either have to nurse him literally all night long, or he cries. Last night we let him cry in arms because I was having back spasms and couldn't nurse him in bed and when I got up to nurse him in the glider, I was so tired I kept nearly dropping him! It just wasn't doable. We are at a breaking point- DH's work is suffering and his employers are on his back about it, so he is under pressure and too tired. My body physically can't take the side-lying nursing all night anymore and I'm starting to not like the way I feel about DS at night and my guilt for it during the day. So we did cry in arms last night and it was awful.

I nurse him to sleep and DH puts him down until we go to sleep around 3 hours later. Then I nurse him again or DH gives him a bottle of pumped milk. And then the madness starts. He is up every 20 mins to an hour after that wanting to nurse. At first we dealt with that because he would go back to sleep. Now he won't go back to sleep but wants to keep nursing. He won't come off the breast at all. If I take him off he starts screaming.

Last night he cried for 40 mins in our arms and we finally got him to sleep. He was up two hours later. I nursed him in case he was thirsty or hungry for 20 mins then took him off and he cried for another 20 mins then went to sleep. He slept until morning without the rest of his usual wakings. So maybe it works? I dunno. It was painful for all 3 of us but I think we need to keep at it for a few days to see if it is helping. I plan to nurse him every 3-4 hours when he wakes, because I feel he may get hungry or thirsty. But other than that, the milk shop is closed. I love him so much... but we need to move past this.

Edited by expat-mama - 4/3/11 at 8:31pm

[megannt]

expat mama - my heart goes out to you. what a rough time for you! i hope you are hanging on. i think that we set certain guidelines for ourselves (like no CIO) but sometimes something has to give. Crying in arms seems like it is what your family needed at that point. Your baby will be fine, sounds like you are giving your all, which is really what matters. I know what you mean abotu the side lying and nursing - it can really make my hips and back hurt, especially when I have to literally nurse all night.

Have you thought that maybe your little one might be hurting? I know that sometimes when they are inconsolable, they might just have something like an ear infection that could be easily remedied.

Sounds like the 8-9 month age is tricky for every one, from what I gather from multiple forums. Good to know that we are all experiencing the normal -- seems sometimes my babe is the only one not sleeping long stretches at night.

hope that things start to get better. if you ever need to talk, pm me. it feels so good to talk it out, especially when those yucky feelings start to come out, especially when it involves our little ones.

[expat-mama]

Thanks Megan.

Yes for the past couple of months we have really tried to be understanding thinking that the problem may be teething- but we give him tylenol and it doesn't help and we haven't been able to detect any new teeth pushing through. I'm pretty sure he is perfectly healthy- no ear infection. My concern is that he is thirsty because we live in a very hot and dry climate so I'm constantly giving him water and nursing during the day but he won't take water at all at night. So I DO still nurse him every couple of hours. I just can't do it constantly all night anymore.

I would feel terrible if there is something wrong with him and I'm failing as a mom by not comforting him. I don't know if I'll have the strength to let him cry in arms again tonight. I was crying myself. It's so hard.

And yeah it does seem like the 7-9 month period is really rough for sleep for a lot of babies. It's nice to know we're not alone but so discouraging that no one seems to have any answers or solutions. We're all in the same exhausted and miserable boat.

[megannt]

Don't you just wish they could tell what's the matter?!! That is what I wish all of the time. Sorry that you are having such a hard time with figuring out what is going on.

If it makes you feel any better, as long as you are doing your best, your son is going to be alright. He knows you love him and I'm sure you give him lots of support and love in many, many ways. If you have to let him cry it out again, try and remember that you are doing all you can and that you are a great mama. Don't get too down on yourself, sounds like you are really putting your entire heart into loving your little guy.

Noticed that you little man is 2 days older than my little girl. We are really right on the same timeline, this eight month time is so neat (so many neat developments) but so hard with the sleep. Sometimes I wish that I could get better sleep because being so tired makes me want this time to pass, but I don't want to wish this time away with my sweet daughter. Being so exhausted makes it very hard to enjoy the moment and this amazing time in my little girl's life.

Hope tonight goes better  for you.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by megannt 

Don't you just wish they could tell what's the matter?!! That is what I wish all of the time. Sorry that you are having such a hard time with figuring out what is going on.

Ah yes, 7-9mo is a TERRIBLE age for sleep.  My ds is not the best of sleepers, and this was a hard age for us too.

OP, crying in arms is tough, and if there is something you can fix, then I say do it.  But, if you've tried everything, and nothing is working, take a deep breath, turn on a white noise machine (or find some on itunes or something), dig in your heels, and just wait it out.  It happens to all of us.  Nothing wrong with calling in reinforcements either and taking turns with your DH (and if the crying is really upsetting you, leave the house for 5-10 minutes while your DH takes over - they really will be OK without you for a few)

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by expat-mama 

Thanks Megan.

Yes for the past couple of months we have really tried to be understanding thinking that the problem may be teething- but we give him tylenol and it doesn't help and we haven't been able to detect any new teeth pushing through. I'm pretty sure he is perfectly healthy- no ear infection. My concern is that he is thirsty because we live in a very hot and dry climate so I'm constantly giving him water and nursing during the day but he won't take water at all at night. So I DO still nurse him every couple of hours. I just can't do it constantly all night anymore.

Just noticed this as well, tylenol was great for daytime teething for us, but it just didn't do it at night.  Motrin was the ONLY thing that worked at night.  We occasionally alternated tylenol and motrin every 3 hours (they are different drugs and do not react with each other in the body so they are safe to give together - we didn't do it very often at all, only when ds screamed and screamed and nothing else worked).

Teething can cause pain even when new teeth aren't about to pop through - the teeth come up through the gums pretty slowly, so it can be very painful without any other symptoms.  My ds was a TERRIBLE teether, it was awful - so I wanted to suggest motrin as well since tylenol was no good at night time for us.