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How much housework fair to expect from a nanny? - Page 6

post #101 of 151



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane93 View Post

 And my income is 75% or more of the family income so there is not really another good option.

 

 

Has your DH considered being a SAHD?  That would solve your nanny problem and I'm sure your girls would love spending more time with Dad.

post #102 of 151

So it boils down to you wanting the house to be in the same state as when you left it in the morning? Is that fair to say?

 

It just isn't realistic. There are 2 tiny kids in your house, your house will not stay the same. That is life. That is kids. If it stresses you that much, you need more housekeeper time or the kids out of the house.

 

It's hard to listen to you complain about the untidy kitchen when the most important thing is the well-being of your kids.

 

House is untidy, clean it. Do you truly think if you stayed at home very single day, not that one single solitary day you tried, that your house would be clean at the end? If you think that is true, then I think your priorities are wrong.

 

Good luck with the meeting.

post #103 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cukup View Post

So it boils down to you wanting the house to be in the same state as when you left it in the morning? Is that fair to say?

 

It just isn't realistic. There are 2 tiny kids in your house, your house will not stay the same. That is life. That is kids. If it stresses you that much, you need more housekeeper time or the kids out of the house.

 

It's hard to listen to you complain about the untidy kitchen when the most important thing is the well-being of your kids.

 

House is untidy, clean it. Do you truly think if you stayed at home very single day, not that one single solitary day you tried, that your house would be clean at the end? If you think that is true, then I think your priorities are wrong.

 

Good luck with the meeting.


I agree. Your house going to receive wear and tear because of the kids in it all day. If you want your house to stay immaculate.. use a daycare center.

I've been a nanny and you sound kinda persnickety to me. You don't want to run off good help because of your neatness issues.
post #104 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane93 View Post

Where has it ever been said I have weekend and evening baby-sitters?  My parents will watch the girls when we have an unavoidable commitment (on the level of the annual work Christmas party, or a wedding) but any other time, we are with the girls.  I specifically schedule my work to maximize my time with the girls (working from home both before they are up and after they are in bed, as necessary, and limit my actual in-office hours).

 

I may be sounding a little more bitter right now, as this month has been crazy (on track to have billed about double my basic billable hour requirement), however my work flow is very up and down, so you have to make hay while the sun shines.  And my income is 75% or more of the family income so there is not really another good option.

 

In any event, these items annoy me even when I'm not exhausted and incredibly busy -- there's something about coming home and having to clean up the kitchen a bit before you can make dinner (when you left it in perfectly fine shape in the morning) that's just incredibly frustrating to me.

 

Sorry -- I realize my tone is coming across rather stronger than my intent or feelings, but I really don't have the time or energy to re-edit to adjust it.


I can totally relate... well, sort of... When I'm busy my home is usually in some state of disarray, so I feel I can't really expect the nanny to figure out exactly what I expect her to do. BUT I can relate to the feeling of built-up-annoyance, which is what it sounds like you are experiencing. This doesn't mitigate my feelings in the moment, but I have come to realize that I am the only one who has the power to manage these feelings by (a) making my expectations clearly & directly known to the nanny or (b) letting go of whatever is bugging me. These are the only two choices one has in this sort of situation since (a) nanny's may be amazing, but they're not mind-readers or even good at picking up on passive-agressive tactics & (b) not every little desire of mine can be fulfilled by my nanny (even just child-related).

 

This NYT article helped give me some perspective on why many women have trouble communicating with their nannies, even when they're movers & shakers at work.

 

But also, I have to say that I sort of agree with the PPs who suggest that some degree of wear & tear is inevitable with in-home care of two toddlers. We have two children at our home during the day with a nanny (same age, so like twins) & there is just always some little mess left over, even when the nanny is diligent in cleaning up as best she can. If you come to the conclusion that not all your wants are appropriate as requests for your nanny, can you shift any of them to the person you have cleaning your house? Nannies & housecleaners are entirely different... nannies don't necessarily have the same idea of "clean" as you or a housecleaner would have.

 

Good luck with your talk on Friday!

 

post #105 of 151

There just seems to be so much entitlement from this job!

 

Yes, it involves our most 'precious possessions', but the work expectations outlined do NOT seem unreasonable.

I have had my nanny since my daughter's been 3 months of age (now 7 months) and I have a WONDERFUL nanny who has never balked at doing loads of laundry, wiping down counters, vacuuming, or dusting, etc. She STILL gets plenty of downtime even after those errands. She jokinlgy calls herself a 'housewife' and in many ways, that IS what the role demands.

 

When I come home, I am so relieved that the bed has been made and the house is clean so that I can spend quality time with my daughter. I agree, we working moms have precious little time with our children outside of work hours, and don't need to come home to a filthy house.

We do not pay our nanny a fortune. And we do not have maid service

Our nanny LIKES to keep busy.

And yes, I did ensure these expectations were clarified in the interview process.

I will say that age was a major 'screening' tool I utilized when I interviewed.

To be honest, I found more 'experienced' nannies to be jaded, 'worn' and 'hardened' and much more unwilling to help out with the household.

 

post #106 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommaaz View Post

There just seems to be so much entitlement from this job!

 

Yes, it involves our most 'precious possessions', but the work expectations outlined do NOT seem unreasonable.

I have had my nanny since my daughter's been 3 months of age (now 7 months) and I have a WONDERFUL nanny who has never balked at doing loads of laundry, wiping down counters, vacuuming, or dusting, etc. She STILL gets plenty of downtime even after those errands. She jokinlgy calls herself a 'housewife' and in many ways, that IS what the role demands.

 

When I come home, I am so relieved that the bed has been made and the house is clean so that I can spend quality time with my daughter. I agree, we working moms have precious little time with our children outside of work hours, and don't need to come home to a filthy house.

We do not pay our nanny a fortune. And we do not have maid service

Our nanny LIKES to keep busy.

And yes, I did ensure these expectations were clarified in the interview process.

I will say that age was a major 'screening' tool I utilized when I interviewed.

To be honest, I found more 'experienced' nannies to be jaded, 'worn' and 'hardened' and much more unwilling to help out with the household.

 


Okay but 1. This nanny is caring for one year old twins. Sorry but that is quite different than one 7 month old. Not all kids are created equally, either. Some toddlers are bent on self-destruction.

2. The way I read the original post, the nanny mostly does the work (and it is not clear that she was specifically asked about certain things). What she is doing is not wiping down the highchairs all the time and not moving some bibs and recycling, and there was something about spatulas in the wrong rack. Yet she is great with the kids, does shopping etc.

Personally, if I had someone great with my kids, I would take a deep breath over tasks that supposedly only take a few minutes and do them. If that really wasn't working for me I would -ask- what the issue is if I had already clearly stated those specific things needed to be done. But mostly, unless the place is trashed -- and it doesn't sound like it -- good creative loving care of my kids would trump a few jars on the counter.

That said it is entirely up to the op. But I would remember that 5 days with twin tots is a big big job already.
post #107 of 151

I am a SAHM, and my job doesn't include "doing loads of laundry...vacuuming, or dusting."  Also, I can't imagine asking the nanny to make up beds unless it is the child's bed. I guess the difference between me and someone willing to do all of the household chores is how I view my job. My time is spent reading to my child, going to the park, listening/watching to one play cello and piano (an hour of my day), teaching her French/Latin (daily lessons), school work,  making homemade healthy meals, and taking my child/ren to their numerous activities. Cleaning isn't on my list of to dos. Soon, you may want the nanny to take her to activities like water-babies, Kindermusic, play group, gymnastics class, pre-ballet/creative movement.... Those classes helped my dds become the girls they are today. Water-babies helped them both with swim team (one is swimming for her college). Kindermusic was essential for my younger dd, and she now plays cello and piano (at 8). My dds continued w/ ballet and have performed in musicals. 

 

I'm positive, if I viewed my job as the responsible party to clean, my kids would not be as successful as they are today. All of the hours that I spent reading to my oldest (hours a day) gave her a love of books and a perfect score on the ACT. I would choose teaching my children over cleaning....any day. : ) Granted, your dd is very young and doesn't require a lot of work, but when she does, you should hire a cleaning lady like I did. : )

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommaaz View Post

There just seems to be so much entitlement from this job!

 

Yes, it involves our most 'precious possessions', but the work expectations outlined do NOT seem unreasonable.

I have had my nanny since my daughter's been 3 months of age (now 7 months) and I have a WONDERFUL nanny who has never balked at doing loads of laundry, wiping down counters, vacuuming, or dusting, etc. She STILL gets plenty of downtime even after those errands. She jokinlgy calls herself a 'housewife' and in many ways, that IS what the role demands.

 

When I come home, I am so relieved that the bed has been made and the house is clean so that I can spend quality time with my daughter. I agree, we working moms have precious little time with our children outside of work hours, and don't need to come home to a filthy house.

We do not pay our nanny a fortune. And we do not have maid service

Our nanny LIKES to keep busy.

And yes, I did ensure these expectations were clarified in the interview process.

I will say that age was a major 'screening' tool I utilized when I interviewed.

To be honest, I found more 'experienced' nannies to be jaded, 'worn' and 'hardened' and much more unwilling to help out with the household.

 



 


Edited by sublimeliving - 4/1/11 at 9:33am
post #108 of 151
There are SAHM's with spotless homes. A lot of them, I think. It's a priority for them and they just get it done. I mean if someone told me my house HAD to be clean by 6pm every night I could work it out.

Some SAHM's like the PP don't view cleaning as part of their job description at all. To me that's strange but OK. Whatever works, right?

The bottom line for me is that cleaning is a priority for the OP. I think it's possible to find someone who feels the same way (Especially if there are 4 hour naps in there?). I guess it's up to you, OP if you want to deal with finding someone new. I don't think you're asking for too much in general. I know I'd be a useless nanny for you because I'm not a good housekeeper. But I have friends who are similar to you and keep houses like you want to. I think it's OK.
post #109 of 151

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by D_McG View Post

The bottom line for me is that cleaning is a priority for the OP. I think it's possible to find someone who feels the same way (Especially if there are 4 hour naps in there?). I guess it's up to you, OP if you want to deal with finding someone new. I don't think you're asking for too much in general. I know I'd be a useless nanny for you because I'm not a good housekeeper. But I have friends who are similar to you and keep houses like you want to. I think it's OK.
 
I think it's okay, too, for everyone to have whatever standards they want, and to find employees who are willing to work to those standards. However, I do agree with GuildJenn that it's not clear how much direct communication of those expectations there's been between the OP and her nanny: 
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by GuildJenn View Post

The way I read the original post, the nanny mostly does the work (and it is not clear that she was specifically asked about certain things). What she is doing is not wiping down the highchairs all the time and not moving some bibs and recycling, and there was something about spatulas in the wrong rack. Yet she is great with the kids, does shopping etc.


From the OP, here are the things the OP and her nanny agreed on -- the bolded things sound like they're being done to satisfaction (melty spatulas notwithstanding -- I'd buy a different kind if 3 in a row couldn't stand up to bottom-rack washing!): 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane93 View Post

Our agreement is that she is responsible for maintaining the babies' clothes and bed linens (washing/folding), cleaning up after them, feeding them, shopping for the girls (usually diapers and our weekly whole foods pilgrimage for organic stuff for the girls) and light household tasks (basically, this has ended up meaning loading and unloading the dishwasher and occasionally picking up some groceries for us when already out).


So, according to the list of frustrations below, the only thing from the agreement that isn't getting done consistently is maybe "cleaning up after them," since some toys are still out when the OP gets home. It isn't clear whether the OP has discussed the other things from the below list with the nanny, or if the nanny is even aware that those things are expected of her.  

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane93 View Post

I am frustrated that the recycleables (99% of which are baby related) aren't taken out to the garage every day, the constant pile of dirty bibs left on the kitchen counter, the fact that any handwash items (good knives and coated pans) are somehow never handwashed by the end of the day, that I seem to be the only one to clean out the crumbs that accumulate under the padding of the highchairs (yuck!), that wiping down the counter/stove never seems to happen, that I have lost three spatulas to being put in the bottom of the dishwasher rather than the top rack, that toys aren't put away before dinner etc., etc. 

post #110 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommaaz View Post

There just seems to be so much entitlement from this job!

 

Yes, it involves our most 'precious possessions', but the work expectations outlined do NOT seem unreasonable.

I have had my nanny since my daughter's been 3 months of age (now 7 months) and I have a WONDERFUL nanny who has never balked at doing loads of laundry, wiping down counters, vacuuming, or dusting, etc. She STILL gets plenty of downtime even after those errands. She jokinlgy calls herself a 'housewife' and in many ways, that IS what the role demands.

 

When I come home, I am so relieved that the bed has been made and the house is clean so that I can spend quality time with my daughter. I agree, we working moms have precious little time with our children outside of work hours, and don't need to come home to a filthy house.

We do not pay our nanny a fortune. And we do not have maid service

Our nanny LIKES to keep busy.

And yes, I did ensure these expectations were clarified in the interview process.

I will say that age was a major 'screening' tool I utilized when I interviewed.

To be honest, I found more 'experienced' nannies to be jaded, 'worn' and 'hardened' and much more unwilling to help out with the household.

 

I have worked as a nanny and was friends with many nannies. But, I've never met a nanny who compared her job to being a housewife. NEVER.
 

 

post #111 of 151

Okay, I'll preface all this with the statement that I'm a anal jerk with big psychological issues.  love.gif

 

That being said, I expect people to care about their environment (work, home, outdoors) and part of that means cleaning up after yourself and the people in your care.  I have big issues with people that create messes and expect others to clean up after them.  I'm not talking about deep spring-type cleaning or the 50's housewife kinda stuff, I'm just talking about general respect for people who live in or utilize the space and/or come after you in the use of the space.  I really do believe in the idea that respect is necessary in shared spaces.  I don't care if you're a nanny, a SAHM or a WOHP.   Why do we need to box in duties between childcare, caring for one's environment (which in my opinion encompasses your home too) and outside work?  I think they are all integrated and I don't think they are distinguishable.  

 

OP, I understand your frustration but I also think that communication is key.  Like PP #2, my DH will not wipe the stove and counters even though he does the dishes.  It just doesn't occur to him and he won't even think about it until I point it out.  I think if you have a good relationship with your nanny and give her clear communication on things that are bothering you, then there should be no problem.  The alternative is to grin and bear it.  Sometimes you just choose your battles.  Personally, this would not be one of mine, despite my extreme expectations on how people should act, if I were happy with everything else.  Sometime putting up with what you think is crap comes with the territory.

post #112 of 151

I don't generally think the list sounds unmanageable, and if you talk to the nanny about it, it seems like it should be pretty simple to clear up. It sounds like stuff that she just doesn't notice or know you want done as part of her duties, not willful refusal to do that stuff. 

 

As the twins get older, you may find that the nanny's downtime and list of things she can handle has to go down though. My nanny doesn't do nearly as much on days that she's here where the kids are up and around and making new messes. When she sits for us at night, lots more gets done. I don't have a list of things for her to do though, she just pitches in when she can--she has done folding laundry, washing dishes, sorting through the kids artwork, walking the dog--on occasion. She always does pick up of toys and dishes into the sink or the dishwasher if it's already emptied. 

 

Personally I would just clarify the things you'd like done that aren't getting done. And then if she says it's too much, reassess how much the kids are awake, one or the other of them, and go from there.

 

 

post #113 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommaaz View Post

There just seems to be so much entitlement from this job!

 

Yes, it involves our most 'precious possessions', but the work expectations outlined do NOT seem unreasonable.

I have had my nanny since my daughter's been 3 months of age (now 7 months) and I have a WONDERFUL nanny who has never balked at doing loads of laundry, wiping down counters, vacuuming, or dusting, etc. She STILL gets plenty of downtime even after those errands. She jokinlgy calls herself a 'housewife' and in many ways, that IS what the role demands.

 

When I come home, I am so relieved that the bed has been made and the house is clean so that I can spend quality time with my daughter. I agree, we working moms have precious little time with our children outside of work hours, and don't need to come home to a filthy house.

We do not pay our nanny a fortune. And we do not have maid service

Our nanny LIKES to keep busy.

And yes, I did ensure these expectations were clarified in the interview process.

I will say that age was a major 'screening' tool I utilized when I interviewed.

To be honest, I found more 'experienced' nannies to be jaded, 'worn' and 'hardened' and much more unwilling to help out with the household.

 


What you're describing isn't a professional nanny. There are people who do childcare in addition to household duties, but people who are nannies by profession (as in will do this work for decades and usually have early childhood development training) do not do that work. There's nothing wrong with people in either role, but since the OP's nanny has been nannying for at least 15 years, it's likely that she doesn't view herself as domestic help. I know in particularly affluent households, there are often nannies, housekeepers, and household managers/directors who take care of much of the work that parents and/or nannies do in other homes. It's just a matter of finding someone who views her job in the same way.

 

post #114 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by VisionaryMom View Post




What you're describing isn't a professional nanny. There are people who do childcare in addition to household duties, but people who are nannies by profession (as in will do this work for decades and usually have early childhood development training) do not do that work. There's nothing wrong with people in either role, but since the OP's nanny has been nannying for at least 15 years, it's likely that she doesn't view herself as domestic help. I know in particularly affluent households, there are often nannies, housekeepers, and household managers/directors who take care of much of the work that parents and/or nannies do in other homes. It's just a matter of finding someone who views her job in the same way.

 


 

You know, VisionaryMom, you may have hit the nail on the head.  I think that maybe the OP's nanny views herself as a "career" nanny and that is quite different from, say, a college student who watches kids on the side.

 

We hired our nanny from a fantastic agency, The Pavillion Agency ( for those of you in the NYC area, I TOTALLY recommend this place.  We hired our housekeeper and our nanny through them and I love, love, LOVE both of them!  Plus, they do very thorough background checks.  http://www.pavillionagency.com/ )

and, just for comparison, I went to their website and checked out their current candidates to see what they were willing to do for the families.  Here is an example:


 

Jan 20
2011
Nanny
Manhattan
**RARE FIND** A highly coveted Trained Nanny who holds the prestigious “NNEB” Certification, resides in Manhattan and has 20 years of NYC experience. Thoroughly competent caring for all aged children from infancy through teenagers, this dedicated individual is seeking a long term rewarding position with a dynamic family who recognizes the importance of properly raising their children and preparing them for the successful future. Her focus goes far beyond the traditional emphasis on manners, presentation and social etiquette. She adds healthy living, physical, mental and emotional creative stimulation. Nanny believes that healthy nutritious eating habits contribute to the all-around successful raising of children. Most importantly she passionately instills security and self-confidence to the children she dedicates herself to. Nanny is presentable, physically fit and well-traveled. She is quite personable, a blast with kids always making them laugh, easygoing and extremely flexible with her schedule. She is looking to devote her talents to a grounded family that recognizes her commitment to her career and respects her as a partner in raising their children. Please contact us to request her CV and arrange an interview.
- active -
I.d.# PAV2821SM

 

As you can see, there's no mention of housework or laundry.  So, maybe it's just a matter of crossed wires.  Hopefully, everything worked out well during their talk on Friday!

post #115 of 151
Thread Starter 

Well, I think the conversation went well.  We addressed the positives, talked about upcoming calendar issues (scheduling of vacations, etc.) and then I raised a couple of items.

 

I spent a bit of time really focusing internally on what would make me happiest in terms of household maintenance trying to isolate 3 or 4 things.  Turns out they were all kitchen related.  I ended up raising the following issues:

 

Food not being properly put back in the fridge (cheese not re-wrapped, so it goes hard along the edges, leftover pasta the babies could have eaten again if the container had been covered so it didn't get all dried out, etc) or left out on the counter so that it "ages" more quickly. 

 

Crumb issues in highchair seats, countertops, etc.

 

Bibs not being rinsed off and hung to dry.   This is a bigger issue due to the bib pockets, as stuff dropped in there and left turns nasty surprisingly quickly.  They also seem to end up scattered all over the kitchen.

 

Kitchenware maintenance -- I got out some of my pre-wedding stuff that is all dishwasher safe, and she is free to use that if she chooses.

 

We also addressed how she felt about the work environment, etc., especially hitting on the shopping issue (that it was not required) since so many seemed to think that was over-reaching.  She was definite that she enjoys time out of the house with the girls, so we are continuing on with that as we were.

 

After some of the thoughtful comments about about the importance of communication, I decided to check in more regularly with the nanny about the work environment and other items (we have always discussed the girls on a daily basis, but I want to broaden the scope of that discussion).  I also plan to give her one or two small projects each week (like organizing the changing table, or pulling outgrown clothes from the clothes closet).  I agree that she's not a mind reader, so its not fair to get frustrated if certain items aren't how I like them unless we've discussed it.

 

We are in the mid-west, and while my nanny is a college graduate, she is not the sort of NYC "professional nanny" type, and we don't have that sort of household (no live-in housekeeper and gardener (except us) here!).  I will say that in reviewing the thread I do think a little of this discussion became heated around some kinds of "class" issues -- the undertone being that childcare work is "higher class" work than housecleaning, and some seemed to view expecting any household maintenance from the nanny as being demeaning.  However, seeing how important a reasonably clean and organized home is to making our lives easier and happier, I think household maintenance does have significant value as well.

 

In any event, my mom managed to maintain a pleasant home, provide home cooked meals and clean laundry and yet I STILL managed to get into a top 5 law school, so I'm pretty sure these minor expectations in addition to childcare specific tasks will not damage the girls. 

 

 

post #116 of 151

I'm glad to hear that your discussion went well, OP. smile.gif

post #117 of 151
Hi Jane! I don't think your list of "expectations" is, by default, too high. I think each family makes its own arrangement with its nanny... that's the best part of a nanny, you can set the rules together with that person and aren't required to follow set rules (like at a daycare). Have your tried sitting down with her one night after the kids are asleep and just saying you wanted to discuss the daily responsibilities and get her thoughts on what is too much, what is reasonable, etc.? Maybe she just doesn't notice the crumbs on the highchair or the recyclables, for example. My husband never notices those things! smile.gif So if you pointed them out to her, maybe she'd be fine with it.

I know the feeling of feeling as though you are cleaning up after the nanny, and (for me too!) it stinks! I had to finally sit down with my nanny and tell her that we wanted the kids to learn early on that they had to put away a toy after they used it and that we hoped she would model that behavior for them, because every time she left, I was stuck putting all the kids toys away and it just rubbed me the wrong way. It only took 5 minutes to clean up, but really irritated me each time I did it. And since I asked her, she's been much better.
post #118 of 151

I realize that this advice is somewhat off topic (and certainly unsolicited) but It sounds as if there may be some issues between you and your spouse that are adding to your stress and perhaps spilling over into your feelings about your nanny.  Having never met you or your husband and therefore never witnessed firsthand the dynamic between the two of you please take this with a grain of salt.  That said, if your husband is only bringing in 25% of the household income, why is he not contributing more to the general maintenance and running of the household? 

 

I have been with the father of my daughter for 9 years (married for almost 6 of those years) and he is decidedly untidy.  He is not particularly good at multitasking around the house, is prone to leaving a trail when he gets home from work (or during the day on weekends), and "cleaning as he goes" is a novel concept when he's in the kitchen.  However, we recently had a baby (currently 3 months old) and there is no longer room for either of us to hide behind "it's just my nature" or "I'm just not good at xy or z".  Part of being a good parent is recognizing areas of stagnation and fault and working to change those tendencies.  You are bringing in the majority of the income, managing the household staff, cleaning the house when staff is off or unavailable, cooking dinner (assumed from your statement about getting home and having to clean up before you were able to start making dinner), and are the mother of two twin toddlers, HOLY MACKEREL.  That's a lot.  Have you had to step up your game exponentially since becoming a mother?  Is your free time limited or nonexistent?  Do you find your plate way past full?  Why is your husband not similarly burdened?  If he doesn't "see mess" make detailed lists.  If you don't like directing and managing him perhaps you would benefit from what we did in my house.  I sat down and made a weekly list of chores, tasks, and expectations.  I broke everything down into little daily groups and then I put the list on the refrigerator.  I was very clear with my husband that these are the things that need to get done and I will NOT be doing them alone.  The list is always there (eliminating the need for him to ask me what needs to get done) for reference.  We had a talk about fair division of labor (which includes the planning and managing of our shared life), and he was happy to take ownership of several task.  There are now several things around the house that are consistently completed by the other perfectly capable adult I live with wink1.gif.  Now that he is responsible for keeping the toaster oven clean, he is much less likely to leave it a mess between cleaning because it makes his job harder.  It sounds as if your husband could benefit from a good swift kick in the behind and a set of "his only" tasks.  Hopefully having chores, duties, and/or outings that he is solely responsible for will connect him more directly to the rhythm and needs of the home.

 

I get that there is often a gap in skill set when it comes to husbands and wives, but it's not necessary, and it's not set in stone.  If you want to have more children (and even if you don't) things are just going to get more hectic.  Between homework, activities, travel, work, friends, family... if you don't nip the burden of parenting and managing everyone (including your husband) in the bud now you are likely to run yourself ragged and be completely miserable in the process.  

 

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions about how our family is transitioning (getting daddy to step it up).   

post #119 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane93 View Post

In any event, my mom managed to maintain a pleasant home, provide home cooked meals and clean laundry and yet I STILL managed to get into a top 5 law school, so I'm pretty sure these minor expectations in addition to childcare specific tasks will not damage the girls. 

 

 


Was your mom raising and taking care of twins?  Twins are much harder than singletons.

 

That aside, no one is saying that it will damage the girls, we are just pointing out that taking care of two mobile children is not for the faint of heart, and it may be difficult for the nanny to accomplish certain chores while being able to maintain adequate supervision of the twins.

 

post #120 of 151


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane93 View Post

Well, I think the conversation went well.  We addressed the positives, talked about upcoming calendar issues (scheduling of vacations, etc.) and then I raised a couple of items.

 

I spent a bit of time really focusing internally on what would make me happiest in terms of household maintenance trying to isolate 3 or 4 things.  Turns out they were all kitchen related.  I ended up raising the following issues:

 

Food not being properly put back in the fridge (cheese not re-wrapped, so it goes hard along the edges, leftover pasta the babies could have eaten again if the container had been covered so it didn't get all dried out, etc) or left out on the counter so that it "ages" more quickly. 

 

Crumb issues in highchair seats, countertops, etc.

 

Bibs not being rinsed off and hung to dry.   This is a bigger issue due to the bib pockets, as stuff dropped in there and left turns nasty surprisingly quickly.  They also seem to end up scattered all over the kitchen.

 

Kitchenware maintenance -- I got out some of my pre-wedding stuff that is all dishwasher safe, and she is free to use that if she chooses.

 

We also addressed how she felt about the work environment, etc., especially hitting on the shopping issue (that it was not required) since so many seemed to think that was over-reaching.  She was definite that she enjoys time out of the house with the girls, so we are continuing on with that as we were.

 

After some of the thoughtful comments about about the importance of communication, I decided to check in more regularly with the nanny about the work environment and other items (we have always discussed the girls on a daily basis, but I want to broaden the scope of that discussion).  I also plan to give her one or two small projects each week (like organizing the changing table, or pulling outgrown clothes from the clothes closet).  I agree that she's not a mind reader, so its not fair to get frustrated if certain items aren't how I like them unless we've discussed it.

 

We are in the mid-west, and while my nanny is a college graduate, she is not the sort of NYC "professional nanny" type, and we don't have that sort of household (no live-in housekeeper and gardener (except us) here!).  I will say that in reviewing the thread I do think a little of this discussion became heated around some kinds of "class" issues -- the undertone being that childcare work is "higher class" work than housecleaning, and some seemed to view expecting any household maintenance from the nanny as being demeaning.  However, seeing how important a reasonably clean and organized home is to making our lives easier and happier, I think household maintenance does have significant value as well.

 

In any event, my mom managed to maintain a pleasant home, provide home cooked meals and clean laundry and yet I STILL managed to get into a top 5 law school, so I'm pretty sure these minor expectations in addition to childcare specific tasks will not damage the girls. 

 

 



What on earth does the college you attended have to do with your nanny cleaning crumbs out of the highchair? 

 

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