How much housework fair to expect from a nanny? - Page 8

[Alyantavid]

Originally Posted by Jane93 

"Anyhoo, I couldn't wrap my head around DH not wanting to stay home because, frankly, he financial contribution seemed paltry." 

I was pretty stressed out about ever being the sole breadwinner.  We purchased our house, a minivan (extremely helpful with the babies) and had the girls in the depths of the recession.  Both the house and the van were purchased solely with what the banks were willing to give us based on my husband's salary alone and our cash downpayments (bit of a point of debate to finance any portion of the van at all -- as I like to keep larger cash reserves than my husband does).

Could we have the lifestyle we consider desirable if I were to lose my job?  No.  Could we keep the house, feed ourselves and cover the basic utilities?  Yes.  And that makes my life a lot less stressful.

I think alot of people don't realize that until they're in that position. 

Op, I hope you and the nanny can work something out to make you both happy.  In my opinion, your requests don't seem out of line.   

[Gucci&Granola]

Originally Posted by Jane93 

I guess I was a bit baffled about the suggestions about my husband becoming a SAHD like that would solve the issue.  Guess my posts didn't make the point very clearly but while he is helpful around the house, he is not a self-starter about it -- there is no doubt that the house would likely be worse, not better with him doing the majority of childcare instead of the nanny.  I think it is much better for our marriage that these sorts of annoyances are felt about the nanny, rather than about my husband. 

Just to clarify -- what I'm asking for breaks down to about 30 minutes of child-related clean up a day.  The girls do nap together both in the morning and afternoon (totaling about 2.5 - up to 4 hours on a very good day).

It sounds like you're happy with the situation, and that you've made up your mind.  However, I feel compelled to point out that if your husband is so good with the girls and helpful around the house, and what you are asking of the nanny is "only 30 minutes of child related clean up a day"  something is not adding up.  Pointing out that your nanny has time to sit around, text, and read implies that taking care of your girls is not all consuming and certainly leaves space for downtime.  How is your husband not able to do a similar job?  If he doesn't want to fine, but if it's a case of you expecting more competency from your nanny than the father of your children that's just sad.   I said it before and I'll say it again, parenthood should be a catalyst for change.  Not being a "self starter" is really just an excuse.  Unless he is trying to get around in a wheelchair or is otherwise physically impaired there should be no reason that he cannot be held to the same standards as hired help.   Using financial mobility to make up for what someone cannot do (like stay at home with the children) is very different than using financial mobility to make up for what someone will not do (like help maintain the home in which they live without constant nagging).

[HollyBearsMom]

I don't see whats baffling.  Based on the fact you are unhappy with the quality of the care, the fact you make 75% of the household income I see as a viable suggestion unless you originally said otherwise. 

I guess I also come from the place where I assume that a parent will always be better than a paid provider. I am sorry you think your husband wouldn't be.  My son had a nanny for first nine years of his life but I still would have preferred that one of us would have been home even if it meant a slightly messier house. I don't regret my time at work as it was was right for our family at the time. But thats a moot point if he doesn't want to do it and you don't think he could handle it. 

Originally Posted by Jane93 

I guess I was a bit baffled about the suggestions about my husband becoming a SAHD like that would solve the issue.  Guess my posts didn't make the point very clearly but while he is helpful around the house, he is not a self-starter about it -- there is no doubt that the house would likely be worse, not better with him doing the majority of childcare instead of the nanny.  I think it is much better for our marriage that these sorts of annoyances are felt about the nanny, rather than about my husband. 

Just to clarify -- what I'm asking for breaks down to about 30 minutes of child-related clean up a day.  The girls do nap together both in the morning and afternoon (totaling about 2.5 - up to 4 hours on a very good day).  I work from home about once or sometimes twice a week, so I am aware that the majority of the time they are napping the nanny is reading, watching tv or texting.  We have a decent size room that is specifically set up for the girls, so that there is really nothing to "destroy" (and maybe they are not by nature particularly destructive) -- generally any destruction involves toys scattered across the floor and (very rarely) shredded kleenex when someone has gotten ahold of the kleenex box.  Finger feeling mess has been greatly reduced by putting limited amounts of food on their trays at any time, and waiting for them to clear it before loading it up again.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by Jane93 

I work from home about once or sometimes twice a week, so I am aware that the majority of the time they are napping the nanny is reading, watching tv or texting.

OK this was left out of all the previous posts (unless I missed it?)

I would find that unacceptable. I think it's perfectly reasonable for the nanny to spend part of naptime relaxing, that's her 'break' -- so maybe 15-30mins in the morning & 30-60mins in the afternoon or whatever you both deem appropriate. It sounds like that would still leave 1+ hours where she could certainly spend some time cleaning up. This is, of course, assuming that the girls ALWAYS nap simultaneously and ALWAYS for that reliable chunk of time. (If there is a lot of day-to-day variation, I could see why it would be hard for her to get much done). Has she done any better since your talk? I wonder if it would help to have specifically designated break periods? As in, the first X minutes of naptime are hers to do whatever she wants to, and then the remainder of nap should be spent tackling some of the things on your list... She will be guaranteed her breaks & you won't necessarily be guaranteed cleaning time but if the girls nap as well as you say they do, it should happen most days!

[Jane93]

Yes -- you missed it.  I expressed frustration that there seemed to be anywhere from 2.5 to 4 hours of down-time during the nanny's workday.  My expectation that the nanny might actually work during some of that time was considered reasonable by some, unreasonable by others and spawned the "how much of your work day do you actually work" thread.

"I guess I also come from the place where I assume that a parent will always be better than a paid provider. I am sorry you think your husband wouldn't be."  

The "issue" I was talking about in the post you reference was the cleaning issue -- that he would not be as good with that task as the nanny would be. 

In any event, there are any number of reasons why I (as a daughter of a SAHP) would not be eager to have my husband SAH even though he is very good with the girls and even though we could arrange our finances to acommodate it.  Firstly, and most importantly, is that he does not want to be a SAHP.  However, I don't want this to turn into some sort of SAH vs WAH debate thread.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by Jane93 

Yes -- you missed it.  I expressed frustration that there seemed to be anywhere from 2.5 to 4 hours of down-time during the nanny's workday.  My expectation that the nanny might actually work during some of that time was considered reasonable by some, unreasonable by others and spawned the "how much of your work day do you actually work" thread.

Yes lol, I actually started that other thread, I mean I think I missed the part about you working from home & regularly seeing her texting etc. I think I assumed that even if they did nap simultaneously & consistently, the nanny was likely busy cleaning up other things during that time (as well as catching a break). An hour or two of break time a day is reasonable for a nanny, IMO, but if they are always sleeping 2.5+ hours than she should always have that extra 1/2 hour or longer to clean up.

What I'm saying is, if I came home to a slightly messy house, I would first assume that the kids made a big mess and even though the nanny took time to clean up, she just didn't have time to get to everything. If I actually SAW that she had ample time to both relax AND clean, but chose only to relax, I would not be thrilled. I didn't realize you had seen it first-hand and that really does change my personal opinions on the issue (though it's still amazing to me that she would HAVE that much time to relax because that would never in a million years happen with my DS... I'm lucky if I have time to eat lunch (and often don't!)

[Jane93]

When I say she has free time, I REALLY mean she has free time, not that I'm making this up or whatever...  One of the primary things we worked together on during our overlapping time before I went back to work was getting the girls on a schedule and particularly a sound joint napping schedule.

I worked from home today -- the girls slept about an hour and 45 minutes this morning.  The afternoon nap was about 2 hours for one (she woke up about a half hour early) and 2.5 hours for the other.  This is while getting 12 - 13 hours of sleep a night.  Even after all the napping today, they were so sleepy that they went to bed early (6:45).  In fact, I am now a big believer in the whole "sleep begets sleep" and the better they nap during the day, the better they sleep at night.

[crunchy_mommy]

That's awesome! My DS is the worst sleeper in the world (and I thought I wanted twins, until I had DS, now I'm so glad there's only one of him lol!! He is a TOUGH kid!) Anyway, so what did your nanny do now? Was she still sitting around reading the whole time, or did she actually do stuff?

[Lamashtu]

Originally Posted by CatsCradle 

There are so many intangibles to working besides the pay.  I know in my own life this is incredibly relevant (won't go into here).  
 

Cats, I sincerely envy you and I mean that.  Before I was a SAHM, I was good at my job, devoted untold hours to it and reaped the financial rewards but I never felt passionate about it.  Just between you and me, one of my first thoughts when I saw the positive pee stick was, "Yes!  No more 100 hour work weeks!"